I am going to knock the AV down!
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 4,406
Alpine, you are doing the hard work- good for you. I love the idea of writing down the helpful quotes/sayings- I jot one or two down on my erasable board in the kitchen now and then, but why didn't I write them ALL somewhere? LOL. Great idea. My most relied on saying so far is, "If you want to get out, your misery will be repaid in full." I read it on one of Mizz's posts, but I can't remember which one. I think it may be an AA saying.
Just reading your posts now vs your posts just a bit ago, it's evident you are in a better head space and are now looking out for yourself. You sound stronger, more focused and able to cope a bit easier with a less than perfect situation. Even if it feels like small increments to you, in reality, these are giant steps. The active drinker feels remorseful, trapped and guilty, now you are none of those and working to get freer each day you are sober. You should be very proud of the work you are doing. Stay strong, you can do anything you put your mind to, man. (Sorry, sometimes I channel EMINEM.)
Onward!
Just reading your posts now vs your posts just a bit ago, it's evident you are in a better head space and are now looking out for yourself. You sound stronger, more focused and able to cope a bit easier with a less than perfect situation. Even if it feels like small increments to you, in reality, these are giant steps. The active drinker feels remorseful, trapped and guilty, now you are none of those and working to get freer each day you are sober. You should be very proud of the work you are doing. Stay strong, you can do anything you put your mind to, man. (Sorry, sometimes I channel EMINEM.)
Onward!
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Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
You are the boss of you Alpine. I like how you are thinking. It won't always be this tough either. As you move into more peaceful waters, you will be able to think about so many other things. You aren't rambling either. All of us know exactly where you are speaking from.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Yes, please continue to post your thoughts, Alpine. As you can see I've talked a lot on this site. 
Most of us have a lot to "get out."
I did a lot of stuff, all of it was focused toward not picking up a drink. That was my Main Goal every day. Other stuff got worked out along the way, but in the beginning if I didn't drink and managed to feed myself and get to an AA meeting and post on my Class thread here, I figured I had done it right.
Most of us have a lot to "get out."I did a lot of stuff, all of it was focused toward not picking up a drink. That was my Main Goal every day. Other stuff got worked out along the way, but in the beginning if I didn't drink and managed to feed myself and get to an AA meeting and post on my Class thread here, I figured I had done it right.
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Join Date: Oct 2021
Posts: 12,401
No voice last night which is a good thing. Of course as usual poor sleep and when I do sleep I usually have horrible dreams..always have. They tend to either be violent or I am being chased. Last night however I had a dream about drinking a large amount and when I woke up I was not sure if it was true or not and had to really think about it. That was annoying.
Today is going to be a good day! :-)
Today is going to be a good day! :-)
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Join Date: Oct 2021
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Okay. Hiccup going on right now..My poor pup is having issues, long story but I have to take him in for an emergency visit today. He is my best puppy friend and best bud. Normally this would set me over the edge but I know drinking will not help especially since Mr. Alpine is living in a different state at this time so he can't help so I need to be 100% there and available. The AV crept up on me while I was on the treadmill so I kept running all of your voices through my head. Another AV bites the dust...
Happy Day and I am hoping for the best for Riley boy.
Happy Day and I am hoping for the best for Riley boy.
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Join Date: Oct 2021
Posts: 12,401
In times like this I would feel sorry for myself and think of ways to obtain alcohol to just try to forget about everything. If anything I should feel bad for my little pup, he is the one not feeling well and he needs me more then anything to be at my best. Not the drunk Mom. Sorry for my rambling..I have my little guy right next to me in a comfy chair while I am sitting on a kitchen chair hand sewing a binding. I am happy to have a clear mind/head. It is snowing pretty good right now and I have never been to this Vet before since I just moved back to town. Fun times. LOL
It will all work out.
As you can tell I am still trying to end everything on a positive.
It will all work out.
As you can tell I am still trying to end everything on a positive.
I hope the vet is able to set him right. Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 109
Originally Posted by Alpine 
Thanks for the hugs, I will gladly take them. I am just going to ramble so please forgive me.
Doing well this evening, waiting for Mr. Alpine to get off work and have his dinner before we talk. He is 2 hours behind me so I have to wait for a bit. That voice came up quietly 1x and I pushed it down with the voices from the SR group and from Mr. Alpine. I deserve to be happy and drinking does the exact opposite. I would sometimes drink out of frustration and in the end the only person I was hurting was myself. I need to remind myself of that anytime that urge comes along. Participating with the GP has helped me so much. It helps me to focus even on the simple things even the gratitude others share helps as well. There have been so many times I have dug myself into big holes or felt very sorry for myself or let others take my power away..Not any more, I am work in progress of course. :-)
It has been a beautiful day.
Doing well this evening, waiting for Mr. Alpine to get off work and have his dinner before we talk. He is 2 hours behind me so I have to wait for a bit. That voice came up quietly 1x and I pushed it down with the voices from the SR group and from Mr. Alpine. I deserve to be happy and drinking does the exact opposite. I would sometimes drink out of frustration and in the end the only person I was hurting was myself. I need to remind myself of that anytime that urge comes along. Participating with the GP has helped me so much. It helps me to focus even on the simple things even the gratitude others share helps as well. There have been so many times I have dug myself into big holes or felt very sorry for myself or let others take my power away..Not any more, I am work in progress of course. :-)
It has been a beautiful day.
I agree that self-pity does nothing. You are human. It is going to happen but it is always important to get over it as quickly as you can and live your life. Early sobriety is very hard in this regard, I like to write down 3 things every day that I am grateful for. It always helped me to keep going when times get very hard. It's something that I still do to this day.
Keep fighting Alpine. We got your back!
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Thanks Least and Born. I am keeping focused and as I said I have pup by my side and keep giving him a pat on the head. I have to just know it, meaning Riley's, condition is out of my control at this point and I just have to keep him comfortable and know I am doing my best for him and he has an appointment this evening which I am very grateful for. What is IN my control is my reaction to this and to stay the course.
I am grateful to have found a vet that is still accepting new pets.
I am grateful to have found a vet that is still accepting new pets.
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Join Date: Oct 2021
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I meant to stop by last night to check in but by the time I got back from the vet and talking with Mr. Alpine I was turning into a pumpkin. Riley is doing much better, still has some healing to do but is on the mends. I am so grateful for my sobriety because I would not have been able to help my Riley boy nor would I remember( embarrassing as it is) specific details. I keep trying to say positive thoughts/things to myself throughout the day which is helping. It is taking work that is for sure..But anything worth having takes work right.?
The AV has been fairly quiet and when it speaks up I focus hard on the positives in my life as simple as they may be. Drinking was/is a waste, and I can not believe I went down that road.
Have a beautiful day everyone
The AV has been fairly quiet and when it speaks up I focus hard on the positives in my life as simple as they may be. Drinking was/is a waste, and I can not believe I went down that road.
Have a beautiful day everyone
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I will not drink, I can not drink, I will not drink, I can not drink so there AV. Doing fairly well here in snowy land, trying to keep busy.
Another Alpine ramble:, The several times that I tried to stop before and ended up at the liquor store the smell to me was usually nauseating and yet I still proceeded to go in. What the heck was I thinking..Or not thinking actually. I feel much better on many levels..I do not have to hide anything...even though that never worked, try to cover up the smell of alcohol on my breath..who was I kidding. My head is clear and my thoughts are positive for the most part. Alcohol always sent me down the wrong path even though at times I thought it was the right path. It gave me "bad" confidence if you know what I mean.
Happy beautiful day to everyone.
Another Alpine ramble:, The several times that I tried to stop before and ended up at the liquor store the smell to me was usually nauseating and yet I still proceeded to go in. What the heck was I thinking..Or not thinking actually. I feel much better on many levels..I do not have to hide anything...even though that never worked, try to cover up the smell of alcohol on my breath..who was I kidding. My head is clear and my thoughts are positive for the most part. Alcohol always sent me down the wrong path even though at times I thought it was the right path. It gave me "bad" confidence if you know what I mean.
Happy beautiful day to everyone.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,756
When I was early in recovery my mantra was "I don't drink", said over and over. It helped me to push back at the cravings until they went away.
Keep on doing what you're doing and you'll be alright.
Keep on doing what you're doing and you'll be alright.
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Join Date: Oct 2021
Posts: 12,401
Yesterday Riley attempted to jump up on a chair and yelped and now seems to be back in pain. I had stepped out of the room for a minute and the little stinker tried to do it. Guess any time I leave a room he is coming with me.
Alpine ramblings.:
The AV has been coming and going, just not as loud. I am trying to think logically about it and have had a conversation in my head as to why it comes to me. It serves absolutely no purpose in my life and I am trying to go through all the steps/sequences of what happens when I do drink: The first drink..not too bad but then I want another shortly thereafter, then another thinking I am perfectly fine to still be able to drive, participate in my hobbies, cook..etc,which is not the case at all. After that first drink things just start to spiral down and just continue to drink. I then I start to feel the guilt and if my MIL is around or Mr. Alpine calls I have to figure out a way to hide the fact I have had some drinks. It is just absolutely ridiculous. It's not going to happen any day of the week. I am totally done with it. It can go to you know where.
I hope this day finds everyone doing well. Thanks for who you are!
I may check in later.
Alpine ramblings.:
The AV has been coming and going, just not as loud. I am trying to think logically about it and have had a conversation in my head as to why it comes to me. It serves absolutely no purpose in my life and I am trying to go through all the steps/sequences of what happens when I do drink: The first drink..not too bad but then I want another shortly thereafter, then another thinking I am perfectly fine to still be able to drive, participate in my hobbies, cook..etc,which is not the case at all. After that first drink things just start to spiral down and just continue to drink. I then I start to feel the guilt and if my MIL is around or Mr. Alpine calls I have to figure out a way to hide the fact I have had some drinks. It is just absolutely ridiculous. It's not going to happen any day of the week. I am totally done with it. It can go to you know where.
I hope this day finds everyone doing well. Thanks for who you are!
I may check in later.
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Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
I think you point out a really important common denominator of consequences for drinking Alpine - the almost immediate loss of our honesty and integrity. I remember that after my first 6 or 7 drinks, I would start lying, fabricating, prevaricating, exaggerating, minimizing, etc. If a light blond was standing in front of me I'd look him right in the eye and tell him he had jet black hair if I thought that would help keep me drinking. So many lies. One of the many reasons I love the sober life is that I don't lie to the people I care about anymore.
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