VikingGF

You're doing great, Alpine. Stay strong!

Alpine

Thanks Free!
So I know I can't change the past and I know I made bad decisions..I have to move beyond those stupid things I did. I just have to figure out a way to stop dwelling on them. When I start to think about it it brings me down to a bad place. Sigh.. The sigh is one of deep thought..not depression. Heading to bed . Good night all and thank you.

Alpine

Well, as usual could not sleep last night. As I have said before this has been happening long before I drank...Kind of annoying. The AV was pretty quiet last night and when it spoke up I had some of your particular voices in my head: Least, you have said don't let thoughts turn into actions, Fishkiller, you have said Do not drink no matter what, Viking you said stay strong, And a few have said to run it forward in my head to see what happens if I should drink. Sorry I forgot who you are, I am trying to do this from memory. Ahh old age memory. LOL but it is better then drinking/drunk memory.
I have to push through the shame and embarrassment I feel and instead feel proud to be sober.
Have a great day everyone!

Free2bme888

Free2bme888

REALLY good book BTW

Free2bme888

Hugs that your sleep comes back soon.

i take Sominex nightly, a non addictive antihistamine. It helps most nights.

Surrendered19

You are doing so great Alpine.

Those thoughts of the past are tough to deal with at times. For all of us. But they are just thoughts. Let them move on through you and don't give them more than their fair share of your space.

You will always remember, but you don't need to dwell there. When my nag-headed head wants me to dwell there and get stuck and beat myself up, I very intentionally think about my sober future and what is possible, the things I will be able to do sober, and that often helps.

I tried futilely to forget or force myself to never think about the past but that is simply not realistic for any of us. When you quit fighting that, the past takes its proper place in your head and doesn't run the show anymore.

We're here with you Alpine.

Surrendered19

And I hear you about the sleep thing. But tired and drowsy this morning yet clear-headed is so preferable to being hung over, right? No contest.

fishkiller

Let go of the past. It's done.
Yes be Very proud you have decided to make a change.

A few weeks in I had an overwhelming feeling of regret, guilt and shame. Like the whole world came down on me at once. All the things I did and the things that could have happened hit me hard.
I did exactly what you are doing, posted here.
We have 2 choices, 1 we can dwell on the past which we cannot change and live in misery and probably return to drinking or 2 we can change the future by changing ourselves and living the life we want to live. Sober.

It's not always easy as you know.
Just yesterday a situation from my past came to my mind for reasons unknown. This situation could have changed my life forever in a very bad way but somehow I managed to get out of it pretty much unscathed. That feeling is still a bit raw just knowing how close I came to living a completely different, much worse, life because of a very bad choice made under the influence.
Instead of beating myself up I use it to reinforce why I can Never drink again.

We won't forget the past but we can't let it define us. Instead use it as a lesson on how we don't want to live.

least

In Hev's signature, the first one reads: You are so much more than the worst thing you've ever done. I like that idea and strive to be better every day, to rise above the mistakes and bad decisions I made in the past . And sober, I can live the best life possible, with hope for the future.

Alpine

Thank you so much for your wise words and wisdom. I have always been one to beat myself up. I really need to break that pattern. Today I was pretty focused with no long thoughts of the past. I had to go to the grocery store today and right next door is an alcohol store. I stayed completely away.

Alpine

Continuing to do well...Lets keep the momentum rolling along. I have been taking screen shots for lack of a better word of the quotes people have been posting with a plan to write them down so I can read through them to keep me focused. I know it may sound silly, but I will use all avenues possible to keep me on the right path.

least

Not silly. Use any took you're got to stay on the sober path.

SimplySue

Hello alpine
This is a great thread! I had to go investigating what a ‘AV’ is but now I understand and I can relate! It’s definitely there for me too. I used to think if it as my ‘danger zone’. I could sense it creeping up on me from behind, getting closer and closer.
I like the term alcoholic voice though, because it’s in your head.
Day 8 for me today. Last year I got to six full months. That AV must be silenced for good. I’m here for it! 💪

Alpine

Here I am for day 9 and going strong. The AV has been fairly quiet. I often think it should be just so easy and common sense to just not drink. I mean it takes effort and thought to drink..I have to have a plan, I have to get in the car, go to the store, by the alcohol, take it home, you know the rest. It is not like me having to take thyroid medication which I have had to take since I was 18. I did the drinking to myself. Ahhh addiction is a tough thing. I have been trying to stay focused on the positive and visiting the gratitude threads have helped with that. I have to head over to help my Mom which can be a trigger and if my sister stops by that is definitely a trigger. I need to not let their behavior trigger me.
Happy day everyone!
I am trying to end every post with a positive :-)

biminiblue

People on this site have lots of ideas, Alpine. When I was newly sober sometimes when I would think of drinking I'd do a little mental exercise to change my thinking and one of those was to silently try to name as many SR usernames as I could think of. Then I'd tell myself, "Every one of them would tell me Don't do it."

So many tricks and ways to not grab on to drinking (or other negative) thoughts. You're doing really well.

Alpine

Thanks!! I have been doing that which helps. I would rather have SR voices rather then AV.
Hope everyone is doing well.

Free2bme888

Great thought, Bim!


Great going Alpine!🥰😍❤️🤓

least

Sending hugs. One from me and one from Billie, Lily, and Franny.

Alpine

Thanks for the hugs, I will gladly take them. I am just going to ramble so please forgive me.

Doing well this evening, waiting for Mr. Alpine to get off work and have his dinner before we talk. He is 2 hours behind me so I have to wait for a bit. That voice came up quietly 1x and I pushed it down with the voices from the SR group and from Mr. Alpine. I deserve to be happy and drinking does the exact opposite. I would sometimes drink out of frustration and in the end the only person I was hurting was myself. I need to remind myself of that anytime that urge comes along. Participating with the GP has helped me so much. It helps me to focus even on the simple things even the gratitude others share helps as well. There have been so many times I have dug myself into big holes or felt very sorry for myself or let others take my power away..Not any more, I am work in progress of course. :-)
It has been a beautiful day.