samwitch

Yep, I was sober for 33 days and yesterday I gave in and drank about a bottle of wine. It sucked. It didn't taste good, the buzz wasn't really anything and I almost had to force myself to keep drinking. And of course the aftermath was horrible. I tossed everything that was left(I had some white and then some red so I had bits of both left.)

Please please please--if you are thinking about drinking--it is sooo not worth it. Trust me. Nothing good comes from opening a bottle of poison.
Thanks to all the support I received in the January class--I'm back on the sober train.

Erratic

Great to have u back hun x i know what its like to force urself to drink the drink i have done this when i picked up this past month on the days i drank. I will totally take onboard what u have said and you still did bloody good on 33 days and coming back so quickly hun xx
be kind to yourself today xx

silentrun

I had an f it moment 90 days in and drank. It was horrible as my stomach blew out but my brain was yelling at me to keep drinking. I take the fact I physically couldn't handle it as proof my body was healing and going back to normal. I dumped the rest after three drinks.
Lesson learned with very minimal damage. I could have been the end of me.

Gettingcloser

Hi Samwich
My relapses were the same but I would carry it out until the bitter end. I maybe had 30 minutes of some kind of buzz and everything after that was trying to keep myself out of the abyss of withdrawal.
The awful memory of those relapses have become a tool in my toolbox to stop me from even trying a sip. It is just not worth the half an hour of a slight buzz. Another thing that helps it reading the relapse stories on this site. They always end very badly.

Alpine

Sam, I did the same thing recently and I had about 40 days. It was and still is a horrible feeling. Thank you for sharing.

Dropsie

Thanks for sharing this, and good for you to get right back on.

For me, a little jaunt back on the booze express was enough for me to decide once and for all that I was done seven years ago.

Main thing, dont beat yourself up but equally, dont drink, and keepa go

Mizz

Ya, keepa go! That is the only way.

Things like this happen. They dont have to happen but they do happen. Ive had my fair share of relapses. Too many to count. We only have today to stay strong in our resolve. Tomorrow never comes. Today is the only day that matters.
Keepa go! You can do this.

Hodd

Hi Sam, sorry to read this. You were doing well up until then. What led to you drinking if I may ask? What about in the past, there must’ve been some long sobriety times. What happened then? It looks like you need to think about what happens. Hope we can help 🙂

samwitch

Hey Hodd-
Of course I've been thinking about the "why" and yeah, I've had some really long times of not drinking so you think I'd have beaten this by now. It's definitely "fear of missing out" taking over which I know(and am very much reminded of especially this morning) is lame and not true anyway.
Drinking is off the table completely for me now.

All I can do is everything I was doing, pick myself back up and recommit. Which is what I am doing.

fishkiller

I am also in the " you need to figure out why you drank" crowd.

At 33 Days you should physically and somewhat mentally better.

Why turn the clock back to where we don't want to be?
I know addiction is insanity so it doesn't always make sense but there was something going on in your head before you drank.

Not to be harsh but if you truly want to quit drinking you must, Never Drink No Matter What.

No good reason to drink.

Good for you coming back so soon.
Make it the last time you have a Day1

novips

The following quotes from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous come to mind:

P. 24: "At a certain point in the drinking of every alcoholic, he passes into a state where the most powerful desire to stop drinking is of absolutely no avail."

P. 42: "They had said that though I did raise a defense, it would one day give way before some trivial reason for having a drink."

P. 43: "Once more: The alcoholic at certain times has no effective mental defense against the first drink."

Fortunately:

P. 25: "There is a solution. Almost none of us liked the self-searching, the leveling of our pride, the confession of shortcomings which the process requires for its successful consummation. But we saw that it really worked in others, and we had come to believe in the hopelessness and futility of life as we had been living it. When, therefore, we were approached by those in whom the problem had been solved, there was nothing left for us but to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at our feet."

I could not stay sober till I completely submitted to the recovery program set forth in A.A. Feel free to PM me if you want to chat more about that.

fishkiller

We posted at the same time.

FOMO

Understandable in the beginning but let me tell you a fact.
You Ain't missing anything good while drinking. Just the opposite. We drink we miss out on life.
Drinking is not life.

biminiblue

I would say that if you've been "trying" to quit since 2011 that you don't really want to quit.

It's a binary choice and it doesn't take 11 years to stop...maybe you need to get yourself into a treatment facility. Or is it just not that bad for you and you'd like to leave the door open a crack? That's certainly a choice you can make, but not one that works for us long-term.

If you have a problem with drinking then the solution is stop drinking.

Be honest with yourself (and us) though.

Anna

Samwitch, I'm sorry you decided to drink. You said you thought you were missing out on things. I think that's why it's so important to remember that stopping drinking is just the beginning. I needed to make lifestyle changes to support my recovery. I'm glad you're back and working on your sobriety.

Surrendered19

Well done on getting back out here so quickly Samwitch. One of these times you might not get back out though. It is a certainty of fate and physics that we all quit eventually. We quit voluntarily. Or we involuntarily quit via civil commitment, imprisonment, ruined health, or death. The involuntary column is populated with so many more options and it has the whip hand trained on us.

Stay on the voluntary side and quit this for good. One of the involuntary quit methods is hunting you right now.

saoutchik

Those 33 days were not wasted samwitch, your body will have appreciated them and that is a fair chunk of time sober. Most of my relapses (and there were many) came around the 2-3 week mark. At least you now know you can get that far and just have to psych yourself up to go further next time.

I actually take a slightly different view that it is not especially important to look for a specific reason or event that caused you to drink as you already know the reason, chemical addiction, it's the same reason for all of us. It would be a good idea to try and plan to avoid picking up around that time.

The craving part of addiction lasts longer than 33 days, I guess that's why AA and others make 90 days a significant number as that is enough for the cravings to subside with a margin of error. It was about 2 months for me and I was pretty far gone so at 33 days you are nearing the point where things will start to get easier.

You can regroup and do this samwitch.

VikingGF

sam- now is the time to really strengthen your resolve to stay sober, not to only stop drinking. Stopping something makes us think denial, punishment and it goes against our nature- but embracing sobriety as a true gift and achievement will get you to exactly where you want to be- sobriety at a level where you can work on the whys with a clearer mind, make a plan for long-term success and build self-confidence as a non-drinker.

You can do it!! 33 days is a great accomplishment and you still have all that knowledge and experience, now you can build on it.

samwitch

Yikes! A bit harsh, I think. I stated above that I said just that--drinking is off the table--and I stated my reasons why.

Wow. Next time I sure won't post when I make a mistake.

nez

Fear of missing out had to be addressed by me if I ever wanted recovery. Even if I was 99% committed to sobriety, that 1% was around and available and more than willing to take me straight back on a return trip to hell...and it did. I had 5 years of sobriety but still had that niggling thought at the back of my mind that I was missing out. The 1% won out, no surprise really, and back to hell I went.

That same experience is available to anyone and it is very real. My last relapse was not my lowest bottom in terms of physical, financial, personal, etc fallout; but mentally it was crushing. I committed 100% to recovery and it has been worth every inch of progress over the last 18 years. The 1% that I felt I was missing out was obliterated from my mind and replaced by the rewards of recovery. All I can say is WOW!!!

advbike

I really like what Sao had to say here. It took me many attempts also, and had many short blips at two weeks and 30 days. Glad you got right back into the saddle, Samwitch. Keep posting in our 180 day thread, we’ll get there!