Autonoetic

I made it to day five and I am feeling a lot better today. I have a lot of work to do to make sure this is the last time. Today is recycling day and I had every bottle into the bin to be taken away. I filled a whole bin with ones that had been hidden in my laundry room, basement and nooks and crannies. It was liberating to have them all out of my house. I really want this to be a new start. Your encouragement and sympathy over the last few days has been so helpful. Sorry I haven't been able to respond to everyone individually, but I have read and re-read your posts. Thank you.

Surrendered19

It used to sound like recycling day behind a bottle shop when I would take all my bottles out. So embarrassing. I remember doing the final clean out of bottles (although I continued to find them here and there for a LONG time). You are right that is so liberating to get them all out and into the bin.

I'm glad you are feeling better Autonoetic. You can feel like this, and better and better, for the rest of your days. You've done the hard part and I am proud of you. Now keep what you have earned.

Anna

Good for you on Day 5. And, getting rid of all the empties sounds liberating for you. Onward.

Autonoetic

Thank you Surrendered, I appreciate it! May I ask, how did you stop yourself from going back to drinking after you felt physically better?

Thanks Anna!

Anna

Auto, for me, I changed habits. The worst time of the day for me was early evening. If I could get through that I'd be okay. So, I began taking long walks every evening and I was amazed at all the benefits that came from that. Basically, you need to do more than just stop drinking.

Autonoetic

Thank you Anna, that is great advice. I will need to develop a lot of new healthier habits to replace the old self-isolating drunkenness that I engaged in pretty much 24/7.

Surrendered19

I had drank myself nearly to death Autonoetic, so at Day 5, the physical benefits of sobriety were so profound, staying sober was easy. My first several months sober were spent healing up from years of abuse I heaped on my body and mind. I also did myself a favor and shot some video of my house and my body and my life on that morning I woke up nearly dead, lying in all manner of fluids. I wrote it all down too. Looking at the video and what I wrote that first day over two years ago is very motivating.

I also just do so much now that drinking made impossible, and I enjoy those things so much, I want them more than I want to drink. Hiking, camping, being present for family and friends, reading, being a good attorney - I simply couldn't do any of it during my drinking years. I did it all poorly or just didn't do it at all.

DriGuy

I think you may be over the most nerve wracking part, and yes, you now have work to do. I consider my last drink my sobriety birthday, but all that amounted to was my last drink. I don't consider that the beginning of my recovery. That happened on Day 5. Of course it might be different for others. Day 5 differed from my last drink, which was little more than me intending to go without drinking for as long as I could. If you are paying attention, you have already seen the flaw in that (it was not a commitment).

Day 5 is when I realized I could do it, and on that day I vowed to never take another drink. And with that, I started to develop a plan of specifics on how to pull it off. What were my triggers? What was the most likely BS of my own that I would fall for? What would I do in specific situations? What situations were no longer permissible, etc.

For the first time in years of wishing I could do something about my drinking, I took positive action and began to work on planning for the details. I committed but still felt vulnerable, because I watched people in my AA group who talked the talk, but continued to fail time after time, so I knew that failure was possible. I was even warned by some group members not to say I would never drink again, because no one ever knew when they might. It took me months to get past the fear that I might.

But what determines that you might drink again depends on your choices. I was simply not going to entertain that I may choose to drink again. Unless someone is holding a gun to your head, you always have the power of choice... always. Choice is always ours. Some people say there is no free will, but I refuse to believe that. I would choose not to drink. Whether it was right or wrong choice in any given situation would be irrelevant. Drinking was just off the table. I never did again, and it was worth it. Turns out not drinking for me is always the right choice, and the only choice. I can't predict the future of course, but me taking a drink in the future is about as likely as me flapping my arms and flying.