Alba diary 22.
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,355
Originally Posted by AlbaSober 
Thanks for that jryan. I hear you and I understand your well meaning post. I've read the Alan Carr book and listening to podcasts. I suffer from social anxiety and the idea of going to an AA meeting ( or watching on Zoom) would increase my anxiety. At the minute I don't fancy it. That said If you or others can recommend a book then I'll buy it.
I'm doing things differently in that I'm changing my waking hours. I never drink before 8pm. Even if I had the day off and the house to myself. It's 8pm onwards. My AV only ever pops up around 7pm.
Today I was in the gym at 6am (absolutely zero sleep last night) I've eaten exactly as I wrote down last night and I've my shopping ready for tomorrow. I find a regimented style of living helps massively. It was what got me nearly 4 months sober some 18 months ago. So tonight I'll be in bed nice and early and if I don't sleep for the whole night it will be ok and I'll be up at 530 for my gym session before the school run and then work because this is a change that I feel will work for me.
Gym bags at the front door ready for day 2.
I'm doing things differently in that I'm changing my waking hours. I never drink before 8pm. Even if I had the day off and the house to myself. It's 8pm onwards. My AV only ever pops up around 7pm.
Today I was in the gym at 6am (absolutely zero sleep last night) I've eaten exactly as I wrote down last night and I've my shopping ready for tomorrow. I find a regimented style of living helps massively. It was what got me nearly 4 months sober some 18 months ago. So tonight I'll be in bed nice and early and if I don't sleep for the whole night it will be ok and I'll be up at 530 for my gym session before the school run and then work because this is a change that I feel will work for me.
Gym bags at the front door ready for day 2.
So maybe you wouldn't want to physically go but I think you need to put yourself out there and at least attend a zoom. No one can see you if you don't want them to, you don't have to say a word, and you dont have to use your real name do you?
IMO you should give it a try. You'd be surprised what you can handle.
We all need to find a way to hold ourselves accountable and hearing something new might be good.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
Sandy B. can be heard here talking about the 12 steps on his Saturday Morning Live meetings that were recorded!
Here's step 1:
XA-Speakers - The lights are on!
Here's step 1:
XA-Speakers - The lights are on!
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 739
Originally Posted by sugarbear1
Sandy B. can be heard here talking about the 12 steps on his Saturday Morning Live meetings that were recorded!
Here's step 1:
XA-Speakers - The lights are on!
Here's step 1:
XA-Speakers - The lights are on!
Thanks I'll have a listen
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 739
Day 2 complete and I've been awake for 34 hours now. Calms apps, spray on the pillow, darkened rooms, baths before bedtime nothing works sans-alcohol. Normally it takes be to about day 12 to reach 4-5 hours a night. The hard early yards.
Going to bed at 9pm - this will be my forever bedtime and if I don't sleep a wink I'll be up ready for the gym at 6am.
Zero thoughts of drinking. Short term gain has been taken off the table.
Going to bed at 9pm - this will be my forever bedtime and if I don't sleep a wink I'll be up ready for the gym at 6am.
Zero thoughts of drinking. Short term gain has been taken off the table.
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 739
Day 3 complete. I've my breakfast lunch and dinner all planned out for tomorrow and a bag of apples for snacking.
Ordered a few new T-shirts and towels for my morning gymwork.
That's 9pm which means it's bed time. Alarm is set for 530. Regardless of how I sleep this is when I get up now.
Feeling ill and very tired, but this was a certainty given how my health is and the lack of sleep.
If I continue doing exactly the same thing for the next 197 days I'll be at my 'boxing weight' and my liver will be fuctioning as normal.
I feel like I'm fighting for a sober recovery and a health recovery - of course they are entwined.
Ordered a few new T-shirts and towels for my morning gymwork.
That's 9pm which means it's bed time. Alarm is set for 530. Regardless of how I sleep this is when I get up now.
Feeling ill and very tired, but this was a certainty given how my health is and the lack of sleep.
If I continue doing exactly the same thing for the next 197 days I'll be at my 'boxing weight' and my liver will be fuctioning as normal.
I feel like I'm fighting for a sober recovery and a health recovery - of course they are entwined.
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 739
Day 4.
Feeling so angry and upset.
Yesterday evening I took my 2 kids to the local swingpark (they are 2 and 7) on my own. I was carrying my 2 year old on my shoulders as he was kicking off whilst pushing my 7yr old on the swings. Another wee girl came running out of control towards the swings and was going to be flattened by my 7 year old who was swinging fairly high. I managed to prevent the small girl from injury but in doing so I've turned my weak right ankle. I cant weight bear, I've cancelled work and I'm bed bound. I've a small holiday/vocation planned for next Mon 18th with the kids and that's now in jeopardy.
None of this means I will be drinking today as I couldn't take myself to the shops even if I wanted too.
Really annoying when you try to do good stuff and it blows up in your face.
100% keeping to my eating plan and have a great wife to serve me food in bed.
I'll log in tonight.
Feeling so angry and upset.
Yesterday evening I took my 2 kids to the local swingpark (they are 2 and 7) on my own. I was carrying my 2 year old on my shoulders as he was kicking off whilst pushing my 7yr old on the swings. Another wee girl came running out of control towards the swings and was going to be flattened by my 7 year old who was swinging fairly high. I managed to prevent the small girl from injury but in doing so I've turned my weak right ankle. I cant weight bear, I've cancelled work and I'm bed bound. I've a small holiday/vocation planned for next Mon 18th with the kids and that's now in jeopardy.
None of this means I will be drinking today as I couldn't take myself to the shops even if I wanted too.
Really annoying when you try to do good stuff and it blows up in your face.
100% keeping to my eating plan and have a great wife to serve me food in bed.
I'll log in tonight.
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 739
Day 4 complete. A perfect day of eating. Apart from that today was awful it's 10pm and I haven't left my bed apart from a hop to the bathroom.
It normally takes a week to 10 days for my throbbing ankle to settle down.
Cancelled work Fri-Sun (inclusive).
Too much pain to sleep tonight so I might read some stuff on here.
It normally takes a week to 10 days for my throbbing ankle to settle down.
Cancelled work Fri-Sun (inclusive).
Too much pain to sleep tonight so I might read some stuff on here.
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 739
Day 5 completed.
Loads of pain and feeling terrible. If I was 6 stone lighter at my boxing weight I wouldn't be injuring myself. Drinking 2500 cals of beer at night doesn't help the waist line.
5th day of eating perfectly and drinking loads of water. If I do this exact thing for the next 175 days I'll be the correct weight and my liver will be functioning properly and I won't be using crutches every few months.
Log in tomorrow.
Loads of pain and feeling terrible. If I was 6 stone lighter at my boxing weight I wouldn't be injuring myself. Drinking 2500 cals of beer at night doesn't help the waist line.
5th day of eating perfectly and drinking loads of water. If I do this exact thing for the next 175 days I'll be the correct weight and my liver will be functioning properly and I won't be using crutches every few months.
Log in tomorrow.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 739
Day 6 complete. 6th day eating exactly what I'd planned the night prior.
Still unable to weight bear so sitting out the chair watching TV all day.
Really frustrating but I feel a wee bit slimmer and I've 6 easy sober days in the bank.
I'll log in tomorrow.
Still unable to weight bear so sitting out the chair watching TV all day.
Really frustrating but I feel a wee bit slimmer and I've 6 easy sober days in the bank.
I'll log in tomorrow.
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