Day 4, mental battles
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2020
Posts: 26
Day 4, mental battles
I made it to day 4 and the nausea has subsided. Not nearly as anxious ... But I feel like crying during spontaneous bursts of emotion. I have this feeling like I am the worst alcoholic ever, trying to quit for over ten years in spite of daily and nightly binging and never being able to do it. Feels so depressing and hopeless. I want to look on the bright side but I just don’t feel it, still have these feelings that I ruined myself and I can’t bounce back. Can’t even make a doctors appointment at the moment as I can’t even navigate the stupid insurance website in this state.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by Autonoetic 
I have this feeling like I am the worst alcoholic ever...
You're not dead.
Change is possible, therefore hope is reasonable.
Congrats on 4 days.
You can do this!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London, England
Posts: 7,060
I remember feeling like you do all too well. I didn't think I would ever succeed. At times in my dishevelled thinking I actually thought people here must be lying as it all seemed so impossible. I kept trying and trying till eventually it finally stuck. I am now in my 4th year and proud.
Take in minute by minute, scream, cry, pace, whatever works for you. Do not give in to that insidious urge to drink. NO MATTER WHAT.
Suddenly the days will become weeks and the weeks become months. The harder the fight the better the win. I have every faith that you too can succeed.
Take in minute by minute, scream, cry, pace, whatever works for you. Do not give in to that insidious urge to drink. NO MATTER WHAT.
Suddenly the days will become weeks and the weeks become months. The harder the fight the better the win. I have every faith that you too can succeed.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
Those early days are definitely like riding a bucking bronco. I remember about a week in thinking I had, at long last, gone insane.
Be patient with yourself. Your emotions will even out and to the extent they don't, you will come to learn that it is ok to let the emotions come, let them move through you, and then they move on. We're not accustomed to feeling things and at first real feelings not dulled by booze are scary m'f'ing things to cope with.
We're here with you Autonoetic. On our sober healthy roads together.
Be patient with yourself. Your emotions will even out and to the extent they don't, you will come to learn that it is ok to let the emotions come, let them move through you, and then they move on. We're not accustomed to feeling things and at first real feelings not dulled by booze are scary m'f'ing things to cope with.
We're here with you Autonoetic. On our sober healthy roads together.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
It took me 15 years to quit so I must be 1.5 times the worst alcoholic 
Seriously tho…it doesn’t matter how long the struggle is so long as we win - keep addin* th8ngs to your toolbox, trying new things, never give up…you’ll get there
D
Seriously tho…it doesn’t matter how long the struggle is so long as we win - keep addin* th8ngs to your toolbox, trying new things, never give up…you’ll get there
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 4,420
Don't do things that are too challenging in the first week- just keep going. It's kind of like one foot in front of the other but then it gets easier and you'll be running in no time. Good job on day 4!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
Hope you made to day 5. It's different for all of us, but the first 5 days were Hellish for me, although it was because my cravings were insane. I was already sick and disgusted with my drinking, and I had much earlier in my addiction already gone through the crying I had to do. It sounds like all the negatives are hitting you at once.
While day 5 was my worst day of cravings, things changed abruptly after that, but it wasn't because of some predictable cycle. It was also on that day that I committed deeply to never taking another drink in my life. It was the day that I washed away all those vestigial hopes in the back of my mind that I might someday drink like a normal person. I wanted to be sober and have alcohol out of my life forever. I accepted that nothing good could ever come of it.
I think, but I'm not sure that was the key. Maybe it was because it just took five days to wash all the toxins out of my body. But no, I'm pretty sure it was my change of heart and the final commitment.
While day 5 was my worst day of cravings, things changed abruptly after that, but it wasn't because of some predictable cycle. It was also on that day that I committed deeply to never taking another drink in my life. It was the day that I washed away all those vestigial hopes in the back of my mind that I might someday drink like a normal person. I wanted to be sober and have alcohol out of my life forever. I accepted that nothing good could ever come of it.
I think, but I'm not sure that was the key. Maybe it was because it just took five days to wash all the toxins out of my body. But no, I'm pretty sure it was my change of heart and the final commitment.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
The early days are a struggle for everyone. You will get through this. I was a mess for a long time after I quit. Stay the course and know that your emotions will settle. You will get into a groove. You will conquer this early phase and get on with yourself. Believe in the power that you have to recover. We can do hard things and we can truly conquer A LOT in this world.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2020
Posts: 26
Thank you all! I made it to day 5. I am starting to feel semi-human again, and a lot of the physical stuff seems to be easing up. I was really going crazy there for a few days. Thank you so much for the encouragement and advice, I have read each post and it is so helpful to have people who understand and have positive and caring advice.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Woodburn, OR
Posts: 422
Day 4 is amazing- nice work!! But it’s also still really hard. The first week my brain can’t concentrate and my emotions are all over. Truly staying in the day and once you get to evening eat something yummy and go to bed early. Before you know it you’ll be feeling so much better! And your brain will start getting sharp again. 🤗
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