Alpine

I am starting this in order to keep accountable. I get strong and hold strong and then things happen and it knocks me back down. As some know I am living far apart from my husband, living with my MIL to help her, helping my Mom (She is about 30 minutes from where I am staying), dealing with some personal relationship issues and a few medical issues. How much can a person handle. My MIL has some cognitive issues and quirks and since I live in her house I follow all of them even though they make no sense, my Mom just fell yesterday while I was there. Emergency services would not be able to access her house at all. Long story. She should be in an ALF but my sister refuses.

fishkiller

Sending Strength
Not sure I could do any of that but you are and I am envious of the courage you have to do it.

doggonecarl

When I read this I wonder if the sub-text is, "How can I not drink?" So, life is tough. It is for a lot of us. Too tough? It knocks you down and you drink as a result. But what does that change about living apart from your husband, your living situation, you mom and your MIL? Nothing. You drink and you still have to deal with it. So, to the question, how much can a person handle? As much as is dealt them. And sober. That's our only option.

Early in my sobriety, maybe two years in, I found out my sister was diagnosed with a brain tumor and was going to require surgery at Mass General, in Boston. It was serious. Life threatening without the surgery, but with a good prognosis if she survived a risky operation.

I was devastated. This was terrible. What would I do? Then drinking crossed my mind. This news was so bad, how could I not drink. Then it dawned on me, my sister, who HAD THE TUMOR, wasn't drinking over it, but I thought I needed to. Insane. That's alcoholism for you. Insanity.

You are tougher than you think. You can handle it. There really isn't a choice. Don't seek the temporary balm of alcohol as "relief" from life. You don't need it.

Alpine

doggonecarl, Thanks for your honesty and for lack of a better word..a slap in my face to wake up and stay focused. I mean that in a very good way. I sometimes need a reality check. Once again thanks.
Fishkiller. thanks for your support.

Alpine

Waiting to be able to talk with Mr. Alpine. He is 2 hours behind me so probably just waking up. Just lonely here. Pup has abandoned me and has been sleeping with MIL. He must know she needs extra loving.

Mizz

I am sorry you are dealing with so much right now and I do understand the "weight" of it.

Drinking will not remove any of these challenges. They are challenges. Think of how you can overcome each challenge with a solution and then move forward. Some of the solutions/ answers will not come immediately. Some things take time and take a lot of effort but we are meant to overcome and conquer what is in front of us. You can get through this. Staying sober allows for you to think clearly and to act. You can do this. You are a powerful human!

BornToBeSober

Drinking will numb the pain but it won't take it away. Once the alcohol wears off the pain will still be there and this time it will be worse. Better off just dealing with the issue head on - sober. Drinking won't solve anything.

Don't make the situation worse for yourself because overall, that is exactly what alcohol will do.

Alpine

It is really annoying.. I am trying to talk with my husband via teams since we are living so far apart and my MIL interupts and starts to talk with him. Uhmmm what the heck. I can't even talk with my husband by myself,

Anna

Alpine, does your sister, who refuses to put your mother into an ALF, help your mother regularly? Falling is a big deal for an older person and especially the fact that you and your mother weren't able to get her up. It sure seems like an ALF would be a safe environment for your mother.

I hope you have a comforting and useful conversation with MrAlpine this morning.

Alpine

I am so done.,,Can't talk with my husband, my Mom is failing, MiL challenging, FIL is failing, Living apart from my husband..my sister is a PITA, sigh,

Free2bme888

Get out of that stinking feeling fast, Alpine!

You have a mom, and a MIL who has taken you in for free, a dog to share the wealth of petting needs, and a GREAT support group here.

What are you done with?

Sobriety?

Keeping a good attitude? Being down and in the dumps is just part of life. I’ve been in a roller coaster of emotions too.

Sending big hugs across the miles 🤓❤️

Steely

That sounds sounds so difficult Alpine. I had a MIL like that. I hope you are able ask her not to interrupt. That is so rude. The practice of saying No to people is ongoing.

It's a cliche Alpine, but to drink on top of all this would only make things worse for you. Being sober gives you greater strength and will enable you to keep doing positive things for yourself without fear. It doesn't feel that way in the beginning, but builds this way.

I hope you continue to post.

fishkiller

Hang in there alpine

It gets better.
I have had my struggles recently also. We all have. Not all of us at the same time of course but we all have and will have struggles.
We will also have times of joy and peace. The struggles make these possible.
It's hard now but you will look back at in the future and be glad you could help your loved ones in their time of need. You will no longer feel the struggle, only the reward of being a good human being.
This will give you joy and peace.

Drinking will allow no joy or peace.
Only anger and resentment, guilt and shame.

It's hard. Be harder.

least

(((Alpine))) I understand how hard it must be for you. Hang on to us when you need friends. I hope things get better for you.

Hawkeye13

My brother who lived in a different hemisphere when my mother was drinking, falling, being hospitalized also resisted me stepping away and getting her into a ALF. I drank and drank over it, and kept trying until my alcoholism was way worse and the situation even more so because I wasn’t dealing well or effectively due to drinking and emotional overload.

Drinking just escalated all of the problems and gave no real solutions but temporary numbing and worse afterwords. I finally told my brother if he wanted to take over, come home and do it, or back off and support me in getting her into ALF. I stood up for myself and mental health, and getting my mother into a safer environment.

I suggest you get some support in setting some real boundaries for yourself with your husband regarding his parents, and your sister regarding your mother. You have a right to save yourself. You matter too.

Steely

Great post Hawkeye.

Alpine

Thank you all for your replies and yes..I should be very grateful..which I am for a free place to stay. It was part of Mr. Alpine's plans and mine to move back to "home" It is just tough right now for various reasons and we will be living out of boxes for a long time which actually is no big deal. It is just things.It is just tough living by some one elses's rules..especially when they come from someone with cognitive issues and make absolutely no sense. I know I am not a special snowflake and everyone has issues. I apologize if I come across that way. I am just trying to vent.

Anna

And that's why we're here, Alpine. You are more than welcome to vent. You're going through a difficult situation right now with lots of stress, so please lean on us.

fishkiller

I am sorry if I came across as condescending. Snowflake never crossed my mind.
I sometimes do not communicate well.
I never intended to say you were not special or needed special attention.
I just wanted to point out that nothing is worth drinking over.
We have all been there and none of us have ever been glad we drank because of it.

What you are doing takes strength and courage. Something snowflakes do not possess.

You are special. It takes a special person to do what you are doing. Never feel differently. It is a fact.

Caramel

Take great care of yourself, Alpine.

Stresses such as you describe, including living out of boxes, can accumulate and take a physical toll on us, in ways we may not recognise until later.

I hope that each separate issue can be simply resolved and lessen your burdens.

Kind thoughts to you. Take gentle care.