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I just want to be successful.

Old 01-20-2022, 10:02 PM
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I just want to be successful.

Hello to whoever ends up reading this,
This is my first time posting on anything like this. Or even opening up to strangers at all. I'm almost 19 years old and I just started college as a nursing major. As you may know, being a nursing student is hard work. It is not easy to make it through four years of it while being an alcoholic and a drug addict. It's also not easy seeing my parents' reactions to my issues because they have worked so hard to get me where I am now. I decided to share my story so I can find support and also learn from what others may have to say.
I have been trying so hard to stop drinking, I drink every single night and sometimes during the day too. I'm on my winter break right now but it is almost over and I'm very anxious for my second semester. I would go to rehab but school is so important to me. I am finding and investing in outpatient treatment programs right now. I just want to get through it. I have been doing better with my weed use because I used to be extremely dependent on that and would smoke multiple times a day. I also used to take way too much LSD (acid) and now my brain sometimes feels like straight up spaghetti. I'm honestly trying so hard. So hard. I try to think about how this will affect my boyfriend and my friends and family, not just me. I know they are all rooting for me to be sober. I want to make them happy and not disappoint them. They deserve better.
Especially my boyfriend, he always has to take care of me when I'm high or drunk. One time he had to check my pulse and almost called an ambulance for me because I blacked out so badly. Sometimes I will take a lot of acid and drink a lot of alcohol, knowing that it is one of the most dangerous combinations yet I still do it because I've really just stopped caring. I will do these things knowing I could die and I just don't even care.
I know I deserve better too. I am a nursing assistant and I take care of people as my job, so why can't I reciprocate that and take care of myself as well?
I know for sure I will never be able to graduate and become a real nurse if I continue these habits. Does anyone have any tips for staying sober? I really appreciate everyone who took the time to read this. This is just the beginning of my journey to recovery.
Thank you <3
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Old 01-21-2022, 12:11 AM
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Hi and welcome marit

the best advice I can give you is to really plug yourself into this community. Support really helps
Once I couldn’t go 3 days without a drink, but this community helped me turn things around.

You have youth on your side - it would be great to leave addiction behind at age 19

why not check out our Class of January 2022 support thread? it’s for everybody quitting this month. All you need to do to join, is post in it

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...art-2-a-3.html

D
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Old 01-21-2022, 12:34 AM
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Hi marit - Reading your post I can almost see my story through university. It was a mess, and it just kept going and getting worse.

I know it may seem to you like this is part of who you are, but I can honestly tell you that it isnít. As you rightly said itís a form of self sabotage, and itís very smart of you to notice that.

You got yourself into nursing school and you are going through it, which is an amazing achievement and it means you have the strength to do what you set your mind to.

Forget for a minute about your boyfriend and family - it looks like YOU are tired of this, so do this for YOU.

Start by committing yourself to a change. Donít get drunk or high today, then do the same tomorrow, and as you get more clarity you can start looking at more tools to change your life.

Itís amazing you are considering changing this so early in life, I wish I had done the same!

My best wishes to you.
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Old 01-21-2022, 02:34 AM
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Hi Marit theres not much i can say about the drugs but the alcohol is the same story for most here regardless of age. Dee's so right you have the opportunity to work on this now at 19. I have more than 30 years on you so you can imagine what i feel when i think of the time wasted but i cant live with that regret. Whats done is done and i am currently winning the battle.
I tried numerous times to stop on my own but coming here and sharing with people who understand what we are going through makes such s difference.
As for your parents im sure all they have for you is love and worry. My mam always said her children are a love she feels and not understood by anyone but her, i think its the same for all of us mam's and dad's. You children are a worry from the womb to the tomb it can't be helped.
Stay strong Marit good luck and keep posting and sharing.
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Old 01-21-2022, 03:14 AM
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Hi Marit...welcome to the forum

This might seem a strange question but do you think you can put a finger on what exactly your mind is trying to escape from?

Everything about your behaviour suggests you trying to disassociate from your own thoughts. If that is the case there are ways and means of addressing the issues that are causing you to choose this lifestyle.

You seem to have a stable network and caring support, which suggests that your immediate environment isnt contributing to your need to take your mind to another place. That suggests to me that something else is causing your need to self medicate. The fact that you feel the need to do it on a regular basis also throws up several red flags.

What other posters before me have said is absolutely right. You have a support network right here with countless others who can help you step by step. All you need to do is want this, and keep posting about your progress (or otherwise), if you do the sky is the limit. Dont be scared to try it out. Take a break from the drink and drugs, stay in touch with the forum and let the amazing people here help. All you have to lose is your addiction.

You say you want to be successful. Trust me, if you dont make changing your lifestyle your main priority, everything else will gradually fall by the wayside.
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Old 01-21-2022, 04:15 AM
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Thank you so much I will definitely join that forum. I really really appreciate your help.
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Old 01-21-2022, 05:08 AM
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Welcome Marit!

Stick around and keep an open mind. These folks will guide you on your way but the work has to be done by you. At 19yo you have a lot more insight than I did at that age. Use it to your advantage. As a 52 yo who blew through 3 decades staying wasted I can tell you that you won't miss a thing by getting sober now. As a matter of fact you will miss So much if you don't.

Good luck and stay strong
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Old 01-21-2022, 07:47 AM
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Welcome Marit, I'm glad you posted.

Try to focus on abstaining day to day for now. Just get through the day without alcohol.
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Old 01-21-2022, 01:58 PM
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I believe the reason why I keep drinking and doing drugs is because I'm trying to escape from all of my negative feelings. I struggle with depression, anxiety, and a mood disorder. I think that it makes my mental illness a lot worse too. That is another motivating factor for me to be sober though, but it feels like something I need to escape from.
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Old 01-21-2022, 02:41 PM
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Welcome to the family. You are smart to quit drinking at a young age. There's lots of support here so use it to help you get sober for good.
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Old 01-21-2022, 02:58 PM
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It's great to meet you, marit.
I drank for relief from anxiety too - not realizing it would eventually make my problem much worse. I realized too late that I had no control over the amounts I drank. I would always intend to just have one or two drinks, but it never turned out that way. If I'd stopped when I was young my life would have been so much different. You don't need the regrets & remorse that a lifetime of drinking brings. Be proud of yourself for realizing at such a young age that things need to change. You can do it. We will help. Glad you are here.
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Old 01-21-2022, 03:01 PM
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Originally Posted by marit3303 View Post
I believe the reason why I keep drinking and doing drugs is because I'm trying to escape from all of my negative feelings. I struggle with depression, anxiety, and a mood disorder. I think that it makes my mental illness a lot worse too. That is another motivating factor for me to be sober though, but it feels like something I need to escape from.
The alcohol won't help this as im sure you know, but by stopping it dose. I to struggled and felt a sadness inside me. I didn't realise how bad it was until i stopped and began to get better. Your mental health will benefit from the clarity you will get but be prepared to work hard for the first few months. Its not easy but really worth it.

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Old 01-21-2022, 09:10 PM
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I'm glad you posted too marit. If you can crack this at age 19 you will have won the lottery of life. I hope you continue to post.

I drank to escape my negative feeling too, but found in the end they could not be blocked, and I had to face them. Sounds weird, but I prefer it this way now. If I have nothing else, I still have my integrity. Drinking doesn't allow for integrity. Hate that.

Also believe young people are starting to see how uncool is alcohol. And it really is. Sober is so much better.

Ever thought about seeing addictions counsellor on campus? Off campus?

It sounds like you really want this marit. Keep coming here for support.



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Old 01-21-2022, 11:07 PM
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Hello and welcome to SR! I drank for many of the same reasons you statesmen I wish I’d been as smart as you and decided to seek help to stop at a younger age. I now have six years sober, and I’ve found new ways to deal with stress and anxiety.


Reading and posting on this forum is a great start. You have chosen a very noble career path, and one that we are in dire need for more competent and caring nurses . However, you are right that continuing To drink and use drugs will destroy any chance of that dream happening.

Spend some time reading and posting here. If you start to think about drinking or using log in and post, someone will be here ti talk you thorough it.

You can do this!
❤️Delilah
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Old 01-22-2022, 02:07 AM
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Originally Posted by marit3303 View Post
I believe the reason why I keep drinking and doing drugs is because I'm trying to escape from all of my negative feelings. I struggle with depression, anxiety, and a mood disorder. I think that it makes my mental illness a lot worse too. That is another motivating factor for me to be sober though, but it feels like something I need to escape from.
That makes a lot of sense. First of all I would contact your GP. Don't hold anything from them, the more detailed you can be about your state of mind and your drinking/using habits, the better it will be for you in the long run. You may have reservations that this will derail you from your other goals. I would suggest if you dont do it those other goals will disappear into the distance if you continue the way youre going. Make a stand, you have youth on your side. Dont waste that gift. If you are determined to get off this crazy merry go round, you'll need a plan. Every addiction is as individual as the person it affects so the plan that works for me might not work for someone else.

I would read around the forums here to gain a sense of what might help. Right now for you, information is key. There are many people on here who have gone through what youre going through right now. See what works for them, see if you can apply that to your own situation. Form your plan. Ask questions, dont be afraid to post, even if it's just to vent, it's in all our interests to help you without judging. When I first came here I joined the daily thread. That meant I was committing to posting here at least once a day which gave me a sense of accountability. It was my first step towards abstinence and has helped tremendously ever since.

Youve done great by taking the first step by posting so kudos for that. Keep the momentum going, we're all behind you...
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Old 01-22-2022, 02:58 AM
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Welcome to SR, @marit3303! I'm glad you found us here. You'll find lots of support and understanding.
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Old 01-24-2022, 03:35 AM
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How are you doing Marit?
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Old 01-24-2022, 07:18 AM
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Today is my fourth day sober from alcohol. I start classes today, I just got back to school and am all alone again in a different city again. I'm very worried about how this is going to all play out.
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Old 01-24-2022, 08:38 AM
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Originally Posted by marit3303 View Post
Today is my fourth day sober from alcohol. I start classes today, I just got back to school and am all alone again in a different city again. I'm very worried about how this is going to all play out.
But youre not alone. This forum and all who are cheering for you are just a click away. I'm sorry if it seems scary right now but I've got no doubt things will improve. It's fantastic that you've got 4 days. Develop a plan to keep that momentum going. Let the plan be your distraction from the alcohol as well as the isolation. If you can manage that I'm sure things will fall into place better than you imagine.
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Old 01-24-2022, 11:23 AM
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I hope your day goes ok marit. Like Triggered said we’re here to help

D
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