I just want to be successful.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2022
Location: Madison, WI
Posts: 16
I just want to be successful.
Hello to whoever ends up reading this,
This is my first time posting on anything like this. Or even opening up to strangers at all. I'm almost 19 years old and I just started college as a nursing major. As you may know, being a nursing student is hard work. It is not easy to make it through four years of it while being an alcoholic and a drug addict. It's also not easy seeing my parents' reactions to my issues because they have worked so hard to get me where I am now. I decided to share my story so I can find support and also learn from what others may have to say.
I have been trying so hard to stop drinking, I drink every single night and sometimes during the day too. I'm on my winter break right now but it is almost over and I'm very anxious for my second semester. I would go to rehab but school is so important to me. I am finding and investing in outpatient treatment programs right now. I just want to get through it. I have been doing better with my weed use because I used to be extremely dependent on that and would smoke multiple times a day. I also used to take way too much LSD (acid) and now my brain sometimes feels like straight up spaghetti. I'm honestly trying so hard. So hard. I try to think about how this will affect my boyfriend and my friends and family, not just me. I know they are all rooting for me to be sober. I want to make them happy and not disappoint them. They deserve better.
Especially my boyfriend, he always has to take care of me when I'm high or drunk. One time he had to check my pulse and almost called an ambulance for me because I blacked out so badly. Sometimes I will take a lot of acid and drink a lot of alcohol, knowing that it is one of the most dangerous combinations yet I still do it because I've really just stopped caring. I will do these things knowing I could die and I just don't even care.
I know I deserve better too. I am a nursing assistant and I take care of people as my job, so why can't I reciprocate that and take care of myself as well?
I know for sure I will never be able to graduate and become a real nurse if I continue these habits. Does anyone have any tips for staying sober? I really appreciate everyone who took the time to read this. This is just the beginning of my journey to recovery.
Thank you <3
This is my first time posting on anything like this. Or even opening up to strangers at all. I'm almost 19 years old and I just started college as a nursing major. As you may know, being a nursing student is hard work. It is not easy to make it through four years of it while being an alcoholic and a drug addict. It's also not easy seeing my parents' reactions to my issues because they have worked so hard to get me where I am now. I decided to share my story so I can find support and also learn from what others may have to say.
I have been trying so hard to stop drinking, I drink every single night and sometimes during the day too. I'm on my winter break right now but it is almost over and I'm very anxious for my second semester. I would go to rehab but school is so important to me. I am finding and investing in outpatient treatment programs right now. I just want to get through it. I have been doing better with my weed use because I used to be extremely dependent on that and would smoke multiple times a day. I also used to take way too much LSD (acid) and now my brain sometimes feels like straight up spaghetti. I'm honestly trying so hard. So hard. I try to think about how this will affect my boyfriend and my friends and family, not just me. I know they are all rooting for me to be sober. I want to make them happy and not disappoint them. They deserve better.
Especially my boyfriend, he always has to take care of me when I'm high or drunk. One time he had to check my pulse and almost called an ambulance for me because I blacked out so badly. Sometimes I will take a lot of acid and drink a lot of alcohol, knowing that it is one of the most dangerous combinations yet I still do it because I've really just stopped caring. I will do these things knowing I could die and I just don't even care.
I know I deserve better too. I am a nursing assistant and I take care of people as my job, so why can't I reciprocate that and take care of myself as well?
I know for sure I will never be able to graduate and become a real nurse if I continue these habits. Does anyone have any tips for staying sober? I really appreciate everyone who took the time to read this. This is just the beginning of my journey to recovery.
Thank you <3
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi and welcome marit 
the best advice I can give you is to really plug yourself into this community. Support really helps
Once I couldn’t go 3 days without a drink, but this community helped me turn things around.
You have youth on your side - it would be great to leave addiction behind at age 19
why not check out our Class of January 2022 support thread? it’s for everybody quitting this month. All you need to do to join, is post in it
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...art-2-a-3.html
D
the best advice I can give you is to really plug yourself into this community. Support really helps
Once I couldn’t go 3 days without a drink, but this community helped me turn things around.
You have youth on your side - it would be great to leave addiction behind at age 19
why not check out our Class of January 2022 support thread? it’s for everybody quitting this month. All you need to do to join, is post in it
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...art-2-a-3.html
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,025
Hi marit - Reading your post I can almost see my story through university. It was a mess, and it just kept going and getting worse.
I know it may seem to you like this is part of who you are, but I can honestly tell you that it isn’t. As you rightly said it’s a form of self sabotage, and it’s very smart of you to notice that.
You got yourself into nursing school and you are going through it, which is an amazing achievement and it means you have the strength to do what you set your mind to.
Forget for a minute about your boyfriend and family - it looks like YOU are tired of this, so do this for YOU.
Start by committing yourself to a change. Don’t get drunk or high today, then do the same tomorrow, and as you get more clarity you can start looking at more tools to change your life.
It’s amazing you are considering changing this so early in life, I wish I had done the same!
My best wishes to you.
I know it may seem to you like this is part of who you are, but I can honestly tell you that it isn’t. As you rightly said it’s a form of self sabotage, and it’s very smart of you to notice that.
You got yourself into nursing school and you are going through it, which is an amazing achievement and it means you have the strength to do what you set your mind to.
Forget for a minute about your boyfriend and family - it looks like YOU are tired of this, so do this for YOU.
Start by committing yourself to a change. Don’t get drunk or high today, then do the same tomorrow, and as you get more clarity you can start looking at more tools to change your life.
It’s amazing you are considering changing this so early in life, I wish I had done the same!
My best wishes to you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2021
Posts: 2,842
Hi Marit theres not much i can say about the drugs but the alcohol is the same story for most here regardless of age. Dee's so right you have the opportunity to work on this now at 19. I have more than 30 years on you so you can imagine what i feel when i think of the time wasted but i cant live with that regret. Whats done is done and i am currently winning the battle.
I tried numerous times to stop on my own but coming here and sharing with people who understand what we are going through makes such s difference.
As for your parents im sure all they have for you is love and worry. My mam always said her children are a love she feels and not understood by anyone but her, i think its the same for all of us mam's and dad's. You children are a worry from the womb to the tomb it can't be helped.
Stay strong Marit good luck and keep posting and sharing.
I tried numerous times to stop on my own but coming here and sharing with people who understand what we are going through makes such s difference.
As for your parents im sure all they have for you is love and worry. My mam always said her children are a love she feels and not understood by anyone but her, i think its the same for all of us mam's and dad's. You children are a worry from the womb to the tomb it can't be helped.
Stay strong Marit good luck and keep posting and sharing.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2021
Posts: 411
Hi Marit...welcome to the forum
This might seem a strange question but do you think you can put a finger on what exactly your mind is trying to escape from?
Everything about your behaviour suggests you trying to disassociate from your own thoughts. If that is the case there are ways and means of addressing the issues that are causing you to choose this lifestyle.
You seem to have a stable network and caring support, which suggests that your immediate environment isnt contributing to your need to take your mind to another place. That suggests to me that something else is causing your need to self medicate. The fact that you feel the need to do it on a regular basis also throws up several red flags.
What other posters before me have said is absolutely right. You have a support network right here with countless others who can help you step by step. All you need to do is want this, and keep posting about your progress (or otherwise), if you do the sky is the limit. Dont be scared to try it out. Take a break from the drink and drugs, stay in touch with the forum and let the amazing people here help. All you have to lose is your addiction.
You say you want to be successful. Trust me, if you dont make changing your lifestyle your main priority, everything else will gradually fall by the wayside.
This might seem a strange question but do you think you can put a finger on what exactly your mind is trying to escape from?
Everything about your behaviour suggests you trying to disassociate from your own thoughts. If that is the case there are ways and means of addressing the issues that are causing you to choose this lifestyle.
You seem to have a stable network and caring support, which suggests that your immediate environment isnt contributing to your need to take your mind to another place. That suggests to me that something else is causing your need to self medicate. The fact that you feel the need to do it on a regular basis also throws up several red flags.
What other posters before me have said is absolutely right. You have a support network right here with countless others who can help you step by step. All you need to do is want this, and keep posting about your progress (or otherwise), if you do the sky is the limit. Dont be scared to try it out. Take a break from the drink and drugs, stay in touch with the forum and let the amazing people here help. All you have to lose is your addiction.
You say you want to be successful. Trust me, if you dont make changing your lifestyle your main priority, everything else will gradually fall by the wayside.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,160
Welcome Marit!
Stick around and keep an open mind. These folks will guide you on your way but the work has to be done by you. At 19yo you have a lot more insight than I did at that age. Use it to your advantage. As a 52 yo who blew through 3 decades staying wasted I can tell you that you won't miss a thing by getting sober now. As a matter of fact you will miss So much if you don't.
Good luck and stay strong
Stick around and keep an open mind. These folks will guide you on your way but the work has to be done by you. At 19yo you have a lot more insight than I did at that age. Use it to your advantage. As a 52 yo who blew through 3 decades staying wasted I can tell you that you won't miss a thing by getting sober now. As a matter of fact you will miss So much if you don't.
Good luck and stay strong
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2022
Location: Madison, WI
Posts: 16
I believe the reason why I keep drinking and doing drugs is because I'm trying to escape from all of my negative feelings. I struggle with depression, anxiety, and a mood disorder. I think that it makes my mental illness a lot worse too. That is another motivating factor for me to be sober though, but it feels like something I need to escape from.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
It's great to meet you, marit.
I drank for relief from anxiety too - not realizing it would eventually make my problem much worse. I realized too late that I had no control over the amounts I drank. I would always intend to just have one or two drinks, but it never turned out that way. If I'd stopped when I was young my life would have been so much different. You don't need the regrets & remorse that a lifetime of drinking brings. Be proud of yourself for realizing at such a young age that things need to change. You can do it. We will help. Glad you are here.
I drank for relief from anxiety too - not realizing it would eventually make my problem much worse. I realized too late that I had no control over the amounts I drank. I would always intend to just have one or two drinks, but it never turned out that way. If I'd stopped when I was young my life would have been so much different. You don't need the regrets & remorse that a lifetime of drinking brings. Be proud of yourself for realizing at such a young age that things need to change. You can do it. We will help. Glad you are here.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2021
Posts: 2,842
Originally Posted by marit3303 
I believe the reason why I keep drinking and doing drugs is because I'm trying to escape from all of my negative feelings. I struggle with depression, anxiety, and a mood disorder. I think that it makes my mental illness a lot worse too. That is another motivating factor for me to be sober though, but it feels like something I need to escape from.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,594
I'm glad you posted too marit. If you can crack this at age 19 you will have won the lottery of life. I hope you continue to post.
I drank to escape my negative feeling too, but found in the end they could not be blocked, and I had to face them. Sounds weird, but I prefer it this way now. If I have nothing else, I still have my integrity. Drinking doesn't allow for integrity. Hate that.
Also believe young people are starting to see how uncool is alcohol. And it really is. Sober is so much better.
Ever thought about seeing addictions counsellor on campus? Off campus?
It sounds like you really want this marit. Keep coming here for support.
I drank to escape my negative feeling too, but found in the end they could not be blocked, and I had to face them. Sounds weird, but I prefer it this way now. If I have nothing else, I still have my integrity. Drinking doesn't allow for integrity. Hate that.
Also believe young people are starting to see how uncool is alcohol. And it really is. Sober is so much better.
Ever thought about seeing addictions counsellor on campus? Off campus?
It sounds like you really want this marit. Keep coming here for support.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Hello and welcome to SR! I drank for many of the same reasons you statesmen I wish I’d been as smart as you and decided to seek help to stop at a younger age. I now have six years sober, and I’ve found new ways to deal with stress and anxiety.
Reading and posting on this forum is a great start. You have chosen a very noble career path, and one that we are in dire need for more competent and caring nurses . However, you are right that continuing To drink and use drugs will destroy any chance of that dream happening.
Spend some time reading and posting here. If you start to think about drinking or using log in and post, someone will be here ti talk you thorough it.
You can do this!
❤️Delilah
Reading and posting on this forum is a great start. You have chosen a very noble career path, and one that we are in dire need for more competent and caring nurses . However, you are right that continuing To drink and use drugs will destroy any chance of that dream happening.
Spend some time reading and posting here. If you start to think about drinking or using log in and post, someone will be here ti talk you thorough it.
You can do this!
❤️Delilah
Member
Join Date: Oct 2021
Posts: 411
Originally Posted by marit3303
I believe the reason why I keep drinking and doing drugs is because I'm trying to escape from all of my negative feelings. I struggle with depression, anxiety, and a mood disorder. I think that it makes my mental illness a lot worse too. That is another motivating factor for me to be sober though, but it feels like something I need to escape from.
I would read around the forums here to gain a sense of what might help. Right now for you, information is key. There are many people on here who have gone through what youre going through right now. See what works for them, see if you can apply that to your own situation. Form your plan. Ask questions, dont be afraid to post, even if it's just to vent, it's in all our interests to help you without judging. When I first came here I joined the daily thread. That meant I was committing to posting here at least once a day which gave me a sense of accountability. It was my first step towards abstinence and has helped tremendously ever since.
Youve done great by taking the first step by posting so kudos for that. Keep the momentum going, we're all behind you...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
Welcome to SR, @marit3303! I'm glad you found us here. You'll find lots of support and understanding.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2022
Location: Madison, WI
Posts: 16
Today is my fourth day sober from alcohol. I start classes today, I just got back to school and am all alone again in a different city again. I'm very worried about how this is going to all play out.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2021
Posts: 411
Originally Posted by marit3303
Today is my fourth day sober from alcohol. I start classes today, I just got back to school and am all alone again in a different city again. I'm very worried about how this is going to all play out.
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