Unknownpleasure

Hi all. This is my first post and I finally admitted today I have an issue with alcohol. I've been drinking most nights in small amounts for years and for about the last five months have been drinking just over a bottle of wine tonight. After a visit to the doctors today for something unrelated my doctor's picked up in my stress and I admitted I've been drinking too much. I suffer with ADHD and anxiety and have been having issues with stress around my home life and also drinking to deal with a noisy neghbour which the latter has now been fixed.

I've gotten into the habit of drinking as soon as work finishes up until an hr before I got to bed. I know it's not helping me as I feel lazy, unmotivated and despite eating well still, I know I need to exercise for my mental health.

Anyway, that's me right now and I am looking forward to reading the forum as my journey to cut down my drinking begins.

doggonecarl

Welcome. You say you want to cut down drinking? To zero? Or do you hope to go back to the days when you could moderate your intake?

I ask because for alcoholics--and I'm not saying you are or aren't one--but for alcoholics, it is darn near impossible to return to normal drinking once the addiction has taken hold. I'm not sure you will get any support for "moderation" per se, but you will find plenty of testimonials to the benefits of total sobriety.

Robbie64

Hi unknownpleasure and welcome to SoberRecovery. Admitting you have an issue with alcohol is a great first step on the road to recovery. As you have found, drinking problems tend to develop over a period of time. I'd say that many, if not most, problem drinkers, start off in moderation and perhaps don't drink every night but this then builds up to drinking more and more frequently. This then leads to increased levels of tolerance and drinking more and more, until something gives. It can be health problems or work issues or family problems, all three or even more.

Are you wanting to stop drinking completely or are you wanting to moderate? Many people find that once they have "crossed the line" and have become a problem drinker then it's not easy to go back to drinking in moderation. In fact, in my experience, it is usually impossible as addiction has usually taken over. Once addiction has taken over then total abstinence is the only real solution.

fishkiller

Welcome!

DriGuy

Yeah, that was me from the time work finishes until I went to sleep. It wasn't always that way, but that's where I ended up when I finally quit. Alcoholism keeps getting worse that way. I get the idea you are quite new to this from what you have written, so I'm going to be really basic for now.

First you need to discover if you are an alcoholic or a problem drinker. This is not easy, and I wrestled with that for years. Theoretically, a problem drinker can control the amount he drinks and when he drinks. By definition, an alcoholic cannot control his drinking. And that rather sums up the difference between the two. However, almost all of us here went for years believing we were just heavy drinkers with the ability to control our intake, albeit only through some unachievable gargantuan effort. The thing is, it was hard for most of us to admit we could not control our drinking, and were probably (God forbid) alcoholics.

But alcoholic or not, if you can't control your drinking, there is a strong consensus (like 99. 9% among recovered alcoholics), that there is only one solution. Are you ready? Because this is at first one bitter pill to swallow; You have to give up drinking entirely, as in give it up for the rest of your life. Oh God! How I dreaded the thought of that, when there are times you have to drink, special occasions, a horrid day at work, or to celebrate someone's marriage. Just one innocent drink, maybe only once a year. Might as well ask myself to fly, right?

I finally got so bad, I was willing to try this, although I really didn't see that it was possible, and it took some white knuckle hanging onto my chair for at least a week, until the urges became manageable. Once that happened, I resolved never to take another drink. So how does an alcoholic navigate such a dismal future without ever taking another drink?

I can only tell you what it is like for me, not having had a drink in the last 26 years. It's wonderful, and I no longer crave, no longer need, no longer want alcohol, and not a day goes by when I am not grateful for this new fulfilling life that I never thought I could have, when I was a drunk.

The point of all this if you can't control your drinking, and you find you don't have the gargantuan will power required to control yourself, you have to stop, or alternately progress down the the spiral path of alcoholism. We can give you support and advice here, but you need to be ready to do most of the work yourself. There are many paths and many tools we can offer you, and we all wish the best for you, whatever you decide.

adair

Welcome. As someone who has suffered from anxiety for decades, there will come a point -- if you're not there already -- when alcohol only serves to feed your anxiety and make it so much worse than it otherwise would be. It may numb the anxiety in the moment, but behind the scenes it is playing havoc with your baseline emotional state.

There are other ways to cope. It just takes a little time to figure out what those ways are.

Surrendered19

Welcome to SR Unknownpleasure. This is a great place to kick around all things alcohol and addiction.

Regardless of whether you are an alcoholic or not, a bottle of wine per night is an extremely unhealthy and dangerous amount of alcohol to consume daily. It is a potent neurotoxin and liver toxin and is poisonous to numerous other critical bodily systems. Ask any doc or health care professional. So, if you are the unicorn daily heavy drinker who can cut down or moderate (I've never met one or spoken to one but my mind is open), the first thing you should do is learn what a safe amount to consume is.

But, I get the sense you are ready to quit. Or at least explore that topic.

Can you perhaps try a day or two without any alcohol and see how it goes?

By the way, a sober life is a peaceful quiet life and it sounds like you could use some of that.

Unknownpleasure

Hi all and thank you so much for the wonderful replies. I won't reply to all individually for fear of repeating myself but there are common questions I saw. I do want to cut down rather than give up and will see how that goes. The doctor told me to go down to half a bottle a night for a week and then half that on the second week. I'm scared, I must admit but I have to do something and it's so hard as I do like the drinking and the buzz but hate the not sleeping and feeling awful the next day. I'm actually acres at the thought of drinking less tonight but I gotta show some willpower. Thanks again to all and the forum looks like it will benefit me and many others greatly.

Anna

I hope you change your mind and decide to stop drinking completely. It's actually easier for alcoholics to stop drinking completely, rather than trying to moderate. Moderation does not work for alcoholics.

nez

Whenever I try to control something, the something has control of me. When I stop the behavior that leads me to being controlled, then I am no longer controlled by the something.

I didn't want to stop drinking because I didn't believe everything about drinking was bad, just parts of it was bad. When I stopped, I came to the conclusion that nothing about drinking was good for me, it was all bad. What a relief to no longer be controlled!!!

It wasn't easy. It was hard. But it is simple. And so worth it! I am free...and I ain't going back!

DriGuy

The first thing well meaning friends and loved ones tell us is, "Just cut back on your drinking." While this is useless advice to an alcoholic, it's the natural first step, and probably everyone on this forum had tried, some for years, to cut back on their drinking, but to no avail. You will know in a few months, sooner if you are highly self aware, whether you can manage to moderate or not. What your doctor is recommending makes sense on a superficial level, so give it a try and see if it works. If it doesn't, don't be set back or feel "less than." If you are an alcoholic, it has nothing to do with weakness of will power, lack of moral standards, or bad potty training. You are simply addicted to a foreign substance. You can break the cycle of addiction, and if you don't slip back into it (this usually happens with one drink), you can get well, and you will be surprised at the results.

Detox centers gradually reduce an alcoholic's intake for those who are so addicted that an abrupt stop to drinking is dangerous or fatal. But that is usually done in a facility where you can be monitored and supervised. Some here have had to do that. I had a friend who underwent this kind of withdrawal. He was admitted to the hospital with severe stomach pain, never told the staff about his drinking problem, and was surprised when he went into withdrawal and was strapped down to his bed hallucinating and screaming. Actually, his family was surprised, while he was so out of it, I don't know if he even remembers going through withdrawal. It turns out his stomach pain was alcoholic pancreatitis.

Nonsensical

I would hate drinking one or two a night so much more than not drinking at all.
I would just be angry the entire time. My brain would be screaming at me, MORE, MORE, MORE!
Everyone around me would feel my wrath, too.
No thank you!

I get it, though. Before I quit I tried 77 different ways to cut back.
Cutting back to zero is the only thing that worked for me.
Welcome to SR!
Best of Luck on Your Journey!

Hodd

What Anna says (moderation + alcoholics)

Our egos are our enemy here. We think we can control our drinking and take it or leave it. That’s not the case sadly. I’ll tell you now, alcohol had me by the you know whats. I’d try and moderate but crave like crazy. I’d try and stick to a limit, but I was miserable. My body was never satisfied with a “sensible” amount of alcohol so I had more. When I finally admitted defeat, quitting became surprisingly easy.

You really are picking the much harder option. I read and read medical studies and journals about those dependent on alcohol (like you and I are) and success rates for moderation. There were none. Every person relapsed into heavy drinking. Your body and brain has been altered by long-term drinking.

Unknownpleasure

Thanks again all for your wonderful responses as it is comforting hearing other people's journeys.

​​​​​I feel a little proud tonight as normally at 5pm, when I finish work, I grab a drink straight way. Tonight I waited until 18:40 before having my first. I'm gonna set my limit at half a bottle and see how I get on.

Triggered

Hi, welcome to the forum Unknownpleasure

I couldnt moderate no matter how much I tried. I think the main reason why I couldnt was painfully obvious (to me anyway). If I were to have a moderate amount of alcohol, the effect of that would mean my resistance to wanting more vanished. My willpower was sucked out of me further with each drink. One or two times I could stick to a limit, the next hundred or so I just couldnt. For me it just makes more sense to tackle the problem with a clear(er) head and without a constant battle in my mind.

Hevyn

Hi Unknown - I'm so glad you found us & decided to post.
I hope being here & talking things over will help you as you make this big change in your life.
When I first came here many years ago, I had no intention of quitting all together. I ended up doing it though - I discovered I had no control once the first drink hit me. Moderation wasn't something I could do.
Whatever you decide, I hope it results in you being happier & more content.

BornToBeSober

I tried to drink moderately or on special occasions countless times and it never worked out for me. I couldn't control it, it would control me.. when I tried the special occasion tactic the urges would get so strong I wasn't able to limit it like I wanted to. I crossed on line and it became an addiction. It would never go back to the way it was.

Based on your posts I think you've crossed that line as well. Just try to taper off of it and keep everyone's posts on here in mind.

I think you'll find sobriety will be much better for you than attempting to control something that is going to constantly tell you 'more, more, more...' and 'its okay to drink today....'

Anna

Unknownpleasure, please understand that this message board is about abstinence.

If you are moderating your drinking with the intention of stopping completely, we're behind you.

If you intend to stop drinking, but slip and drink and then refocus on sobriety, we're behind you.

But, I hope you can understand that it's against our rules to promote the use of alcohol.

Dee74

Hi and welcome

Like the rest of the folks here I tried to cut down…I desperately did not want to become a non drinker, which is weird looking back cos drinking bought me nothing but shame, embarrassment and misery.

I too would push the first drink of the day back and back and then drink as much as I could to catch up to oblivion.

I’d alternate water with my drinks, or alternate a non alcoholic variety, or drink a kind of alcohol I hated…I always ended up in the same place, chasing oblivion.

I was a terrible drinker. I stopped fighting that reality in 2007 and I’ve never been happier or more at peace.

You won’t find many successful ‘I cut back’ stories here but you will find hundreds if not thousands of ‘I didn’t know how good life could be until I quit drinking’ stories.

Read around
I hope you decide to quit for good

D

Obladi

I sure hope you are able to cut back and stay that way.

When I tried cutting back, I was proud and frustrated at the same time. Sort of like... "Yay, I did it (but it sure was less than satisfying, for sure)." The problem was that I wanted both - I wanted the effects of drinking and I wanted to drink less. Unfortunately there's this phenomenon of tolerance that works opposite of that goal. It simply couldn't be done, at least not by me. Eventually I gave up on the whole idea of moderation - my choices were to drink full bore or not drink at all. Many years later, I settled on the not at all option. Because by that point it was down to a choice between drinking full bore or continuing to be alive.

Everyone here will give you the same message because we've pretty much all been at the point of no return. I really and truly hope you don't get to that point, but I also really and truly hope that you will lean on this community if you do get there with your current plan. We don't judge... because we get it.

O