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Staying Sober Through a Divorce

Old 01-07-2022, 11:05 AM
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Staying Sober Through a Divorce

Any tips on how to stay sober during a divorce? Today makes 14 months sober to the day for me which I’m very grateful for although I’m really struggling right now.

Usually I lift weights to relieve stress but my likely soon to be ex wife broke my right hand during an argument while I was driving us so I can’t do that right now either. That was the event that led to me finally calling it quits (in case anyone is wondering) although this was sort of a long time coming. We don’t have any kids to make things even more complex so I guess that’s one good thing.

I guess I’m just looking for any advice from someone who managed to stay sober during a divorce, just feeling like I’m in a rut and can’t seem to dig myself out mentally.
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Old 01-07-2022, 11:43 AM
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I too as well use exercise to relieve stress and keep me focus. Since your hand is broken switch it up with some good old road work. Keep the body moving forward a good run will definitely help. I have gotten sober during the pandemic just like you. And much respect because it is not a easy task with all that is going on in the world. You do not have children yet so much time can be utilized for self care. Reading , exercise a new hobby spending time with friends and family , meditation, community service. One day at a time.
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Old 01-07-2022, 12:35 PM
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Hi Lucid - my divorce happened when I was sober for a little longer than you are now.

I think the best advice I can give is to focus on what is it that you currently miss in yourself, and then start building it up again. It’s been 3 years for me now, and I can safely say that once you leave a bad relationship behind life gets a lot better.

In terms of what to do it’s hard to say, but I looked at the things I enjoyed before the relationship and started trying them out. Turns out I still enjoyed them.

I made the mistake of drinking again when I started meeting new people, but that was totally unnecessary and the one person I truly connected with I met sober.

You got this, one day at a time, try and look at the doors that are opening.
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Old 01-07-2022, 01:03 PM
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Oh no, sorry to hear the troubles, but you KNOW, deep down, the drink will only make you more depressed and anxious. Ethanol, or jet fuel, is a DEPRESSANT.

Escaping from your problems is actually misleading, we can’t escape.

Counseling perhaps? Sounds like you were in an abusive relationship. You will miss her, even though she hurt you terrible physically and mentally. (See the parallel with alcohol relationship?)

Both your relationships were toxic, you ended one three years ago, and now ending another one. It’s hard, but you can stick through.
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Old 01-07-2022, 01:06 PM
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Old 01-07-2022, 02:32 PM
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Grab a hold of your recovery support so
it can carry you thru it and help to guide
you in remaining sober each day.

There are various ways to get thru a divorce
somewhat peacefully. Mine was to use lawyers
to hand legal matters, papers and mediate.
Since we were already living apart, verbal
communication was limited in order to keep
emotions out of it until the divorce was final.

Our divorce ended quickly after 25yrs. Since
then, we both have moved on to remarry and
living in different states.

This is what worked in my situation, and I remained
sober thru that amongst various other life changes
for 31 yrs now.
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Old 01-07-2022, 03:24 PM
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My relationship broke up in early sobriety and I did have a child which makes it hard.
I was angry, hurt and all the rest that goes with it.

I was in a way house bound every night as my daughter was 4 years old.
I couldn't go out whenever I fancied as she was sleeping or we were together and so I was caring for her.

I had to just keep busy.
Maybe it might be easier if you have no child to stay at home with.
You have more freedom.
I had to force myself to be busy after my daughter went to sleep so I was not sat on the couch missing thinking about drink.
I did all sorts of things, some very mundane and some not so.
I don't mind going to the cinema alone for example on the rare occasion I was on my own.
You could try do your 10,000 steps a day if you find exercise helps you?

I don't know if you are into AA but it could be a time to really invest in meetings and attend different ones everyday.

Me reflecting, I found it easier to stay sober while not in a relationship.
I just had me and my baby to care for.
I went to bed when I wanted, ate when I wanted, dressed when I wanted, slept when I wanted.
There was no atmosphere or rows to navigate.
Life became a lot more straight forward.

I wish you the best and it will get better xx


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Old 01-07-2022, 07:51 PM
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Thanks for the replies everyone. Definitely some good advice in here.

Am going to try to stay busy and focus on me. I’ve thought about AA but I like the anonymity and 24/7 access on SR. It really has been a godsend and my go to for precisely times like these. If I feel like it’s not sufficing maybe I’ll revisit AA…I know it works well for a lot of ppl including my older brother. Again thanks everyone for the responses and kind words.
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Old 01-08-2022, 04:42 AM
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Originally Posted by FinallyLucid View Post
I guess I’m just looking for any advice from someone who managed to stay sober during a divorce, just feeling like I’m in a rut and can’t seem to dig myself out mentally.
I got sober two years after my divorce, and I have often wondered if I could have gotten sober while I was married. Some do, but we are all of us are different and marriages are all different. But I will say that I believe in divorce. It seemed like without the stress of my marriage, I could deal with my alcohol problem by giving it my full attention. No one was there to give me bad advice or advice that wasn't helpful. My wife never cared if I drank or not so there would have been zero support for me quitting from the most significant person in my circle of friends.
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Old 01-08-2022, 04:55 AM
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FinallyLucid, you got good advice on here. Just wanted to say congratulations and good luck with the path ahead
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Old 01-08-2022, 09:03 AM
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Live recovery every single day. Remain honest, open-minded and willing one day at a time, have faith that if you live recovery then you’ll be OK 🙏
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