How have you all dealt with telling people? Should I?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2021
Posts: 411
Hi CJ, welcome back 
It's great that you had the good sense to come back and I agree with all the advice you've been given on the thread.
First and foremost, I agree completely with Biminiblue. Before anything, the most important person you need to tell is yourself. Let that be the basis of all your future actions. The rest is very much secondary. The honesty that people have referred to here must start with you. It all falls apart very quickly if you arent capable of honest self appraisal and commitment to recovery.
I understand completely your need to be accountable. It makes sense to open up to someone of consequence in your life to make sure you dont slip...you dont want to look foolish or like a failure in their eyes, right?
This takes me onto something that you might not have considered. We as addicts understand the angst and trauma inside ourselves, we understand the consequences of our actions and the journey that took us there. We understand the need to hide our antics from others and the guilt and shame along with physical and mental pain that we experience from self destruction. The problem with that is that others outside our little club may not see things the way we do. And why should they? If you are lucky enough to have someone you believe has the emotional intelligence to process the information you give them then by all means confide in them. However, you can see why I think it would be problematic if you just 'came out' and let people process it in their own way.
There are very few people outside of SR that I have felt the need to 'reveal' my choices to, or the reason for those choices. I dont offer details... anyone who asks, my stock answer is, 'It was causing too many problems' That way, most people are smart enough to know there was a problem. If they want to pursue it further (they almost always dont), then it's my judgement call as to whether I want to expand.
There are other ways of holding yourself accountable, among people who completely understand your situation. I use the daily thread on here...that keeps me honest (yes...looking at YOU guys lol). And I post replies to people like your good self.
It's great that you had the good sense to come back and I agree with all the advice you've been given on the thread.
First and foremost, I agree completely with Biminiblue. Before anything, the most important person you need to tell is yourself. Let that be the basis of all your future actions. The rest is very much secondary. The honesty that people have referred to here must start with you. It all falls apart very quickly if you arent capable of honest self appraisal and commitment to recovery.
I understand completely your need to be accountable. It makes sense to open up to someone of consequence in your life to make sure you dont slip...you dont want to look foolish or like a failure in their eyes, right?
This takes me onto something that you might not have considered. We as addicts understand the angst and trauma inside ourselves, we understand the consequences of our actions and the journey that took us there. We understand the need to hide our antics from others and the guilt and shame along with physical and mental pain that we experience from self destruction. The problem with that is that others outside our little club may not see things the way we do. And why should they? If you are lucky enough to have someone you believe has the emotional intelligence to process the information you give them then by all means confide in them. However, you can see why I think it would be problematic if you just 'came out' and let people process it in their own way.
There are very few people outside of SR that I have felt the need to 'reveal' my choices to, or the reason for those choices. I dont offer details... anyone who asks, my stock answer is, 'It was causing too many problems' That way, most people are smart enough to know there was a problem. If they want to pursue it further (they almost always dont), then it's my judgement call as to whether I want to expand.
There are other ways of holding yourself accountable, among people who completely understand your situation. I use the daily thread on here...that keeps me honest (yes...looking at YOU guys lol). And I post replies to people like your good self.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
I don't care one way or the other if anyone knows if I am an alcoholic in recovery or not. The way I look at is that no one could say or do or think anything worse to me or about me than what I did about and to myself at one time. I wanted a better life for myself and with that as my number one priority, anything else pales by comparison.
The fact that I am an alcoholic in recovery, is important to me and my loved ones. When that factoid crops up on the radar screen of the universe, it is for only the briefest of nanoseconds and then it is toast. The rest of the universe has a lot more on it's mind than nez.
The fact that I am an alcoholic in recovery, is important to me and my loved ones. When that factoid crops up on the radar screen of the universe, it is for only the briefest of nanoseconds and then it is toast. The rest of the universe has a lot more on it's mind than nez.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 109
I'm not shy about it but I don't announce or preach about it either. I usually just say drinking is not for me.
I try to keep conversations about addiction only to people who understand. What's the point they'll never understunderstand anyway.
I try to keep conversations about addiction only to people who understand. What's the point they'll never understunderstand anyway.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
Originally Posted by nez 
I don't care one way or the other if anyone knows if I am an alcoholic in recovery or not. The way I look at is that no one could say or do or think anything worse to me or about me than what I did about and to myself at one time. I wanted a better life for myself and with that as my number one priority, anything else pales by comparison.
The fact that I am an alcoholic in recovery, is important to me and my loved ones. When that factoid crops up on the radar screen of the universe, it is for only the briefest of nanoseconds and then it is toast. The rest of the universe has a lot more on it's mind than nez.
The fact that I am an alcoholic in recovery, is important to me and my loved ones. When that factoid crops up on the radar screen of the universe, it is for only the briefest of nanoseconds and then it is toast. The rest of the universe has a lot more on it's mind than nez.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,335
I’m with ScottdromWi , Bim, Sasha and some others here, it’s my internal psychological warfare, and people who’ve never had an addiction problem won’t understand.
Im not taking AA hook line and sinker, it’s not for me, but boy, there’s a lot of good stuff in there. I YouTube some speakers. You can read about SMART, you can just decide your are DONE.
I think the hardest parts about quitting are -it’s against the worlds (mostly) social ‘norm’, it’s a shame based addiction, and the hardest part- EVERYONES recipe for success is different, so finding yours that will work for you in your world, is your job.
BUT, (and this is a BIG ‘but’ 😂, as social mammals, we need people to support us, who understand us. Are those your relatives? People in AA? Friends? People on SR?
For me, SR is my safe, supportive ‘go to’. I would not, would NOT, be able to do it without the reciprocal involvement here.
Im not taking AA hook line and sinker, it’s not for me, but boy, there’s a lot of good stuff in there. I YouTube some speakers. You can read about SMART, you can just decide your are DONE.
I think the hardest parts about quitting are -it’s against the worlds (mostly) social ‘norm’, it’s a shame based addiction, and the hardest part- EVERYONES recipe for success is different, so finding yours that will work for you in your world, is your job.
BUT, (and this is a BIG ‘but’ 😂, as social mammals, we need people to support us, who understand us. Are those your relatives? People in AA? Friends? People on SR?
For me, SR is my safe, supportive ‘go to’. I would not, would NOT, be able to do it without the reciprocal involvement here.
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