Almost finished Day 1 and it’s been tough!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2022
Posts: 5
Almost finished Day 1 and it’s been tough!
Hi All,
I’m new here. I was looking for some support. It’s getting to the end of my Day 1 and I could use motivation to keep it going. I’ve had enough of drinking as I have really been spiralling.
My mother passed away over a year ago which was very difficult. A few months ago I moved out on my husband and filed for divorce. I deserved better than what he was doing for me. But I am now a single mom with a 3 year old and 5 month old and trying to battle custody issues. I moved to a different city where all my family and supports are as I was very isolated for years. I really turned to hard liquor. Sometimes could drink a bottle a day. My kids deserve a better version of me and it makes me so emotional that this has gone on for so long. I also deserve better.
But today has been hard. Throwing up, +++ anxiety, tremors. I’ve taken some small amount of medications for the withdrawal so it has helped me get through a little. But I still have to be somewhat awake to parent. (I know it’s ironic that I still “could” with a bottle of vodka in me). I feel so guilty and also scared of this journey. I am a “closet” drinker. I don’t have a clue how my family hasn’t picked up on it but this is the situation.
If you have any words of encouragement or confirmation that it’ll get better, I’d be happy to hear it.
Thanks for reading.
I’m new here. I was looking for some support. It’s getting to the end of my Day 1 and I could use motivation to keep it going. I’ve had enough of drinking as I have really been spiralling.
My mother passed away over a year ago which was very difficult. A few months ago I moved out on my husband and filed for divorce. I deserved better than what he was doing for me. But I am now a single mom with a 3 year old and 5 month old and trying to battle custody issues. I moved to a different city where all my family and supports are as I was very isolated for years. I really turned to hard liquor. Sometimes could drink a bottle a day. My kids deserve a better version of me and it makes me so emotional that this has gone on for so long. I also deserve better.
But today has been hard. Throwing up, +++ anxiety, tremors. I’ve taken some small amount of medications for the withdrawal so it has helped me get through a little. But I still have to be somewhat awake to parent. (I know it’s ironic that I still “could” with a bottle of vodka in me). I feel so guilty and also scared of this journey. I am a “closet” drinker. I don’t have a clue how my family hasn’t picked up on it but this is the situation.
If you have any words of encouragement or confirmation that it’ll get better, I’d be happy to hear it.
Thanks for reading.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
All will get so much better if you stop drinking Gemini81.
It takes my breath away what you are going through with a 3 year old and a 5 month old in tow. Wow.
One of the very best things that sobriety has brought me is the ability to be there for my people 24/7/365, including in the middle of the night.
Your kids deserve the whole you in the middle of the night and in the mornings when kids want to groove. Give them that. It is the best thing you will ever do.
I really love your courage coming on SR and laying it out there. You can do this.
Don't be scared. Being free of alcohol will be the best thing you ever do.
Welcome to SR Gemini81. This place saved my life and I hope it can be a meaningful place for you too.
It takes my breath away what you are going through with a 3 year old and a 5 month old in tow. Wow.
One of the very best things that sobriety has brought me is the ability to be there for my people 24/7/365, including in the middle of the night.
Your kids deserve the whole you in the middle of the night and in the mornings when kids want to groove. Give them that. It is the best thing you will ever do.
I really love your courage coming on SR and laying it out there. You can do this.
Don't be scared. Being free of alcohol will be the best thing you ever do.
Welcome to SR Gemini81. This place saved my life and I hope it can be a meaningful place for you too.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
I'm sorry for your loss, Gemini, and all you have been through recently. You are absolutely making the right move as far as quitting - drinking heavily doesn't help anything. We can handle so much more when we have a clear head and good sleep at night. The first few days are the rough ones, but once you get through that it quickly improves. It will get way better.. many of us are surprised how quickly it happens. I do have a word of caution - I don't know how long you've been drinking but I hope you keep in touch with your doctor or a local clinic just in case, as one can have seizures or other serious withdrawal effects going cold turkey from drinking that much.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
Welcome to the family. 
You are making a smart decision to stop drinking. You and your kids deserve a sober lifestyle. Lean on us for support and encouragement. We're open all the time, with members in many different time zones so there's always someone here. 
You are making a smart decision to stop drinking. You and your kids deserve a sober lifestyle. Lean on us for support and encouragement. We're open all the time, with members in many different time zones so there's always someone here. 
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Gemini81 
My kids deserve a better version of me...I also deserve better.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2022
Posts: 5
Thanks everyone for your comments. I’m clearing my second day now and feeling a little better. I can see how checking this site regularly is helpful. It’s something positive to do rather than sit here this evening and want a drink. So thanks
Member
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 1,599
Yes there is no way through the first few weeks than grim determination. There are a lot of recovery meetings online these days - 12 step, Smart Recovery, Buddhist recovery - you name it. There are also podcasts about recovery, audiobooks about recovery and more. Listening to those can help bolster motivation and get you through safely to bed time and one more sober day ticked off.
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