Another one has bitten the dust
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 1,285
Another one has bitten the dust
Hi all. Must say, It feels like coming home.
Don't know if some of you will remember me? I was in August Class of 2018? 2019? See? Can't remember
Okay, so around about May 2019 , my very very good friend committed suicide. I can't believe I did it, but I drank over it. From there, after a sober period of 21 months, I took the downward spiral. And here I am again.
I have been on the site again for many many hours - just as I used to do, lurking, reading - but I didn't post anything because of the shame, the regret, the feeling of "what good will it do?"
But then somehow, I remembered the goodness I got from here way back. The camaraderie, the understanding, talking to people who "get where you're at"
So, yeah, I'm back. And glad to be back
Don't know if some of you will remember me? I was in August Class of 2018? 2019? See? Can't remember
Okay, so around about May 2019 , my very very good friend committed suicide. I can't believe I did it, but I drank over it. From there, after a sober period of 21 months, I took the downward spiral. And here I am again.
I have been on the site again for many many hours - just as I used to do, lurking, reading - but I didn't post anything because of the shame, the regret, the feeling of "what good will it do?"
But then somehow, I remembered the goodness I got from here way back. The camaraderie, the understanding, talking to people who "get where you're at"
So, yeah, I'm back. And glad to be back
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
No judgment here Ayers. We are you. We get it. Welcome back and there is no time like today to get back on your healthy, calm and peaceful road. I'm glad you posted, and I'm glad that you are back among friends and people who understand, and I hope you post often and let us know how it is going.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Hey, I came and went for years. Years. In the end, I decided to stay and avail myself of the support offered here. That worked out much better for me than fading away into the fog. 
I’m glad you’re back, Ayers. Never think you ‘lost’ those 21 months. That previous sober time is valuable experience on which you can draw.
I’m very sorry that your friend is no longer physically present and for the pain you’ve endured. I hope you see you haven’t really ‘lost’ them either - at least not in the sense that your friendship was wasted in their death. It wasn’t, of course.
O
I’m glad you’re back, Ayers. Never think you ‘lost’ those 21 months. That previous sober time is valuable experience on which you can draw.
I’m very sorry that your friend is no longer physically present and for the pain you’ve endured. I hope you see you haven’t really ‘lost’ them either - at least not in the sense that your friendship was wasted in their death. It wasn’t, of course.
O
Member
Join Date: Sep 2021
Posts: 37
Originally Posted by Ayers 
Hi all. Must say, It feels like coming home.
Don't know if some of you will remember me? I was in August Class of 2018? 2019? See? Can't remember
Okay, so around about May 2019 , my very very good friend committed suicide. I can't believe I did it, but I drank over it. From there, after a sober period of 21 months, I took the downward spiral. And here I am again.
I have been on the site again for many many hours - just as I used to do, lurking, reading - but I didn't post anything because of the shame, the regret, the feeling of "what good will it do?"
But then somehow, I remembered the goodness I got from here way back. The camaraderie, the understanding, talking to people who "get where you're at"
So, yeah, I'm back. And glad to be back
Don't know if some of you will remember me? I was in August Class of 2018? 2019? See? Can't remember
Okay, so around about May 2019 , my very very good friend committed suicide. I can't believe I did it, but I drank over it. From there, after a sober period of 21 months, I took the downward spiral. And here I am again.
I have been on the site again for many many hours - just as I used to do, lurking, reading - but I didn't post anything because of the shame, the regret, the feeling of "what good will it do?"
But then somehow, I remembered the goodness I got from here way back. The camaraderie, the understanding, talking to people who "get where you're at"
So, yeah, I'm back. And glad to be back
My greatest lesson is that you can't ever go back.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
Very happy to see you back with us, Ayers. Sometimes we need further proof that we can't touch the stuff.
It took me a very long time to finally admit it brought me no comfort & didn't ease my anxiety - it only made everything much worse. A temporary 'fix' that can lead to a lifetime of regret & remorse. We need to deal with our problems & tragedies head on - not by getting numb. You will do it ! Welcome back.
It took me a very long time to finally admit it brought me no comfort & didn't ease my anxiety - it only made everything much worse. A temporary 'fix' that can lead to a lifetime of regret & remorse. We need to deal with our problems & tragedies head on - not by getting numb. You will do it ! Welcome back.
Samantha
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 2,031
Originally Posted by Ayers
Hi all. Must say, It feels like coming home.
Don't know if some of you will remember me? I was in August Class of 2018? 2019? See? Can't remember
Okay, so around about May 2019 , my very very good friend committed suicide. I can't believe I did it, but I drank over it. From there, after a sober period of 21 months, I took the downward spiral. And here I am again.
I have been on the site again for many many hours - just as I used to do, lurking, reading - but I didn't post anything because of the shame, the regret, the feeling of "what good will it do?"
But then somehow, I remembered the goodness I got from here way back. The camaraderie, the understanding, talking to people who "get where you're at"
So, yeah, I'm back. And glad to be back
Don't know if some of you will remember me? I was in August Class of 2018? 2019? See? Can't remember
Okay, so around about May 2019 , my very very good friend committed suicide. I can't believe I did it, but I drank over it. From there, after a sober period of 21 months, I took the downward spiral. And here I am again.
I have been on the site again for many many hours - just as I used to do, lurking, reading - but I didn't post anything because of the shame, the regret, the feeling of "what good will it do?"
But then somehow, I remembered the goodness I got from here way back. The camaraderie, the understanding, talking to people who "get where you're at"
So, yeah, I'm back. And glad to be back
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,937
Hi Ayers, your friend’s suicide must’ve been an absolutely shocking experience for you, and probably still is, very sadly. Condolences, and RIP to your friend. You could never have prepared yourself for that, none of us could, and I’m sorry you relapsed.
I think, despite all our resolve and intentions, there’s a drink out there with all our names on it. We just need to hope it never comes our way.
I think, despite all our resolve and intentions, there’s a drink out there with all our names on it. We just need to hope it never comes our way.
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