Sober 2022
Member
Join Date: Aug 2020
Location: Texas
Posts: 110
Streak: 156 days; 2022: 19 sober days, 0 non sober
January is by far the worst month of the year for me mentally. The cold days and long nights drag on forever, sapping the spirit. Having drinking days scattered throughout January always used to be 'essential' to me, just to help me get through. And that is without enduring the level of trauma you've experienced, PJ. Tough stuff.
This January is no exception. It's only the 20th but feels like the month has been going on for months. The ol' AV is acting up a bit, saying surely it's okay to have a few drinks, take the edge off, help get through these darkest of days. It tries to rationalize it by saying even if I have a drink or two, my 2022 can still have fewer drinking days than my 2021, so I'll be making progress and can still count it as a win.
But I'm not buying it. Holding firm, even if I'm gritting my teeth and muttering to myself as I do it.
January is by far the worst month of the year for me mentally. The cold days and long nights drag on forever, sapping the spirit. Having drinking days scattered throughout January always used to be 'essential' to me, just to help me get through. And that is without enduring the level of trauma you've experienced, PJ. Tough stuff.
This January is no exception. It's only the 20th but feels like the month has been going on for months. The ol' AV is acting up a bit, saying surely it's okay to have a few drinks, take the edge off, help get through these darkest of days. It tries to rationalize it by saying even if I have a drink or two, my 2022 can still have fewer drinking days than my 2021, so I'll be making progress and can still count it as a win.
But I'm not buying it. Holding firm, even if I'm gritting my teeth and muttering to myself as I do it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2021
Location: Canada
Posts: 400
Day 45.
Backing up my computer in prep to do some Windows 10 maintenance because it's getting a little flakey. My windows install is 2 years old now so it's done pretty good. Hopefully I don't have to do anything too time consuming to fix it, but whatever happens at least I'm having fun
Backing up my computer in prep to do some Windows 10 maintenance because it's getting a little flakey. My windows install is 2 years old now so it's done pretty good. Hopefully I don't have to do anything too time consuming to fix it, but whatever happens at least I'm having fun
Member
Join Date: Aug 2020
Location: Texas
Posts: 110
Streak: 160 days; 2022: 23 days sober, 0 non sober
I'm a daily coffee drinker Monday - Saturday but take Sundays off from all caffeine. Normally I suffer only light caffeine withdrawal symptoms (fatigue, light headache) but this morning I woke to a raging headache, stomach curling nausea, thick brain fog and a feeling of being on a rocking boat stuck in the middle of a heaving, storm-driven sea.
Usually as I string more sober days together, I begin to forget how appalling being in the drink/withdrawal cycle actually is. Mornings like this remind me of that horror.
Going back there is not an option. The only way out is through.
One foot in front of the other, one day at a time. After all, a journey of a thousand miles is nothing more than two million individual steps (paraphrase from Tao Te Ching - Lao Tzu, chapter 64).
I'm a daily coffee drinker Monday - Saturday but take Sundays off from all caffeine. Normally I suffer only light caffeine withdrawal symptoms (fatigue, light headache) but this morning I woke to a raging headache, stomach curling nausea, thick brain fog and a feeling of being on a rocking boat stuck in the middle of a heaving, storm-driven sea.
Usually as I string more sober days together, I begin to forget how appalling being in the drink/withdrawal cycle actually is. Mornings like this remind me of that horror.
Going back there is not an option. The only way out is through.
One foot in front of the other, one day at a time. After all, a journey of a thousand miles is nothing more than two million individual steps (paraphrase from Tao Te Ching - Lao Tzu, chapter 64).
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 32,375
Originally Posted by adair 
...this morning I woke to a raging headache, stomach curling nausea, thick brain fog and a feeling of being on a rocking boat stuck in the middle of a heaving, storm-driven sea. ...
Member
Join Date: Aug 2020
Location: Texas
Posts: 110
Once the caffeine kicked in yesterday, the worst of my symptoms decreased by 80%. Had a light headache for the entire day, but it wasn't too bad. Eventually I plan to begin tapering my caffeine input, but I'm not there yet. One addiction at a time.
One thing I can say is that stringing together sober days makes it far easier to navigate off days when they happen. Though I may feel bad, I appreciate being able go through the experience with a sober mind.
As I continue to learn what sobriety really is and let go of negative self-judgements, I'm beginning to see that 'good' and 'bad' are just made-up labels my ego likes to slap on things. The truth is, most things are neither good nor bad in and of themselves, including feelings. The more I am able to withdraw judgement from all aspects of my life, the more content I become.
This is, I think, the main point of meditation. Observe one's thoughts, feelings and sensations but don't identify with them and don't judge them. Just be. Life is then free to flow naturally.
Peace.
One thing I can say is that stringing together sober days makes it far easier to navigate off days when they happen. Though I may feel bad, I appreciate being able go through the experience with a sober mind.
As I continue to learn what sobriety really is and let go of negative self-judgements, I'm beginning to see that 'good' and 'bad' are just made-up labels my ego likes to slap on things. The truth is, most things are neither good nor bad in and of themselves, including feelings. The more I am able to withdraw judgement from all aspects of my life, the more content I become.
This is, I think, the main point of meditation. Observe one's thoughts, feelings and sensations but don't identify with them and don't judge them. Just be. Life is then free to flow naturally.
Peace.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2021
Location: Canada
Posts: 400
Good to heat you're feeling better today adair. I find your thoughts about judgement very interesting. I've been working on acceptance lately and I think judgement is a big part of that too. Meditation is also in the mix . All good stuff!
Day 49 for me. Got to bed late this morning and slept in. Best sleep I've had in ages. Going to go make breakfast now, lol.
. All good stuff!Day 49 for me. Got to bed late this morning and slept in. Best sleep I've had in ages. Going to go make breakfast now, lol.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2020
Location: Texas
Posts: 110
Changing the way I view my addiction is essential if I am to leave the bottle behind forever. 'Hi. I'm adair and I'm an alcoholic' is a phrase that I never found empowering. It leaves me feeling hopelessly trapped with no hope of ever finding true recovery.
I came across this quote the other day that is helping me reframe the way I tell my story:
“Experience is not what happens to you, it is what you do with what happens to you.” – Aldous Huxley
I instead would like my introductory phrase to be something more like, 'Hi. I'm adair and alcoholism happened to me.' This empowers me. I feel free to let my alcoholism go. I no longer need to be defined or controlled by it until the end of my days.
It's perhaps a small change in semantics. No matter how I phrase it, I can never pick up another bottle again. But sometimes it's the smallest perceptual shift that can yield the biggest result.
I came across this quote the other day that is helping me reframe the way I tell my story:
“Experience is not what happens to you, it is what you do with what happens to you.” – Aldous Huxley
I instead would like my introductory phrase to be something more like, 'Hi. I'm adair and alcoholism happened to me.' This empowers me. I feel free to let my alcoholism go. I no longer need to be defined or controlled by it until the end of my days.
It's perhaps a small change in semantics. No matter how I phrase it, I can never pick up another bottle again. But sometimes it's the smallest perceptual shift that can yield the biggest result.
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