nez

Time sober brings about miraculous changes. At one time, I loved to drink; now I love not drinking and being sober. Don't quit five minutes before the miracle.

Hodd

I reckon if I relapsed - never say never - I’d be so upset, I probably wouldn’t post for months (which would please some people 😂 ). You’re a better man than me, snitch. Hope you’re doing ok today.

Libby06

Im glad you are back Snitch. 2021 was a tough one for you. 2022 can be much Better! Keep posting

snitch

hi Kaitly, no I don’t mind you asking at all!

I made a conscious decision. I actually sat and thought it through and made that decision to drink to see if I could. I did control it for a little while but it didn’t take long to spiral again and luckily I stopped before it was as bad as before. It really isn’t worth it my lovely. If it was so great I wouldn’t be back here xx

jryan19982

I think I that we all love the idea that we could consume alcohol in moderation like so many others can. And heck sometimes we can but for me it wasnt often. After 1 I was always longing for me. Sometimes I had the willpower to only have 1 but most of the time I wasnt done drinking until I had nothing left to drink.

In glad you decided to dump the rest. I've been there more times than I can count. I wish I had a magical saying that would make it all easy but there isnt. What works is working at it. It is work and a lot of it. But just think back on your time being sober and think of all the good that came from that!! It helps me to go back and ready my journals that had so many "Day 1" entries, about half as many "Day 2" entries and a smattering of others. That is always sobering.

brighterday1234

I see my alcoholism as a blessing. Without it I would have never discovered the new way of living and thinking that recovery from alcoholism gave me. The spiritual way of life such as that promoted in the 12 steps of AA is a beautiful way of navigating life and keeps me recovered. For that I am truly grateful 🙏

DreamCatcher17

Good Afternoon (at least it is afternoon here)
Snitch,

I am so sorry to hear of your relapse, however, I am happy to hear you made it back to these rooms!
You learned a lot in 3 years and this is a part of your story.
This last week was awful for me, the 1-year passing of my grandma, the 1 year since separating from my ex-husband, next week my baby will be 1, I was getting jealous and envious of a friend who bounced back to pre-baby clothes within 3 days after birth, her breastfeeding journey and how amazing it is going, and so on. The list was endless as it was a poor me list.

I had a day where I thought of just getting some Wine myself and drinking it. That is where it stopped, just a thought.

Earlier on Friday, I texted a friend letting her know I was not going to make it to the meeting, and I let her know about my mood. I didn't get into details as to why I was feeling that way and in her amazing and gentle way, she suggested many times I should get to the meeting Everyone wanted to see me, and she made me feel important and loved. Which at that moment, love went a long way, even if I didn't express it to her. My heart felt good. So, I took my happy a$$ to a meeting (my friends and I started a Soul recovery meeting in our town, I am not an AA or NA person. WArned everyone I was crabby, my energy was not good, and that I didn't want to be there at all, but I had to show up. They all welcomed me with warm arms (even tho I was on fire on the inside and they could see it). My friends didn't want me to be alone, no matter what condition I was in.

While at the meeting a friend spoke about writing in her journal, and how it would sound bi-polar and all over the map (no offense to those who suffer with it). SO, I went home and just went to bed after the meeting, sure I felt a little better but not much because I was still fueled with all the emotions I just told you about.
I woke up Saturday morning, I cried 3 times before starting my workout, I cried after my workout. I was so frustrated that I would feel those feelings I had.
When I was done working out, I journaled. I had never journaled like that in my life. It was sooooo freeing!
A lot of it was
"I am pissed off about ___________"
I hate this about me and that and so on.
That was so far from positive, but letting all this anger and ish rest inside of me was worse than letting out my true feelings.
I then showered and cried once more in the shower.
I got out and BAM I was done, and man o man did I feel a LOT better!

The moral of the story:
Find your soul tribe and utilize them, especially when you don't want to because as we know, that is when you need to the most!
We know its not at a bar
Journal, all of it out! Rage on it if you have to
Be well!

None of that may resonate with you, maybe someone else.

I know you have the strength to push forward, you've done it before!

HUGS!

Dee74

How’s it going Snitch?

D

Red78

I thought of SR this morning and then I thought of you snitch and wondered how you were, and I log on and the 1st thread on Newcomers was this one..
Its great that you found the strength to come back, its such a hard thing to do.
its Nichole passing anniversary today too. I hope you have a wonderful Xmas..

Dee74

(((Red)))it’s good to see you back.

D

Steely

Hope you have a wonderful Christmas Red.

I'm glad you posted.

Steely

How are you doing Snitch?

snitch

What lovely posts from everyone. Thank you all. Thank you dear Dreamcatcher that did resonate with me a lot. And hey Red and God bless Nichole.

I am sad to say I drank last night and today.

I thought I am going g to give this one last shot to see if I can control it. Insane I know but alcoholism is insanity! And guess what? I couldn’t. My daughter was away so I bought some alcohol and passed out in the sofa, woke up freezing and dragged myself to bed still in my work clothes, no shower or teeth clean which I have never done in sobriety. Woke up at 4am and glugged a glass of alcohol back. Felt horrendous this am and had to go sit in the hairdressers, after that I went and got a bottle and drank it through the day even though it wasn’t pleasant and was making me feel sick. I’m not drunk. But I feel awful.

I am done,

I do not need any more evidence that I am alcoholic or have an alcohol addiction or alcohol use disorder or whatever this is called. All I know is I cannot use alcohol in any way shape or form. I’m done! I surrender and I accept.

thank you all. I will post again xx

DreamCatcher17

I completely understand where you are at (or at least up until your last post)
It took me many rounds, from 2011 until 2017 to finally decide enough was enough and I was too tired to fight the truth which is I am allergic to alcohol.
I do not identify as an alcoholic, in the beginning, I may have because alcohol still had its grip on me. Not in the essence of I wanted to drink all the time, rather the mess I had made and had to clean up.
My life is no longer "unmanageable" to which I have decided I am not an alcoholic, I am just straight up allergic.
- my point for that is it doesn't matter how you claim this situation to be, it is here, and what you do with it going forward is more important than the term used to identify the problem.
To go even deeper for you into my life,
Alcohol was NOT my problem.
My problem was my core wounds. My sad, hurt, betrayed, abused inner child that was never taught how to cope with life and the stresses/abuse/abandonment/neglect.
These wounds will never go away. All I can do is identify them as they arise and tell that brave little girl inside she is brave, and she made it this far but "the adult Dreamcatcher" can handle this situation like an adult, and little DC is safe.
There is so much pain, sadness, anger in growth and it is always evolving, and then one day, the JOY is there,

I wish you well and so much inner peace and Love, Snitch

VikingGF

You are so ready to stop, snitch. It's obviously not fun anymore and making you downright miserable. You don't need it.

Stay with us, keep posting and give yourself the gift of peace. You've been sober before, so you know it's so much easier than actively drinking. Labels aren't important, changing your behavior is. Don't focus on what happens tomorrow or next week, just manage one day, one hour or whatever timeframe is comfortable and keep on going. Eventually, you won't care to drink anymore. Like nez says, don't give up. Never stop stopping.

Calicofish

Dear Snitch:
Thank you for sharing what is obviously a very painful reckoning. It is posts like yours that help alcoholics like me, realize that attempting to control the drink is not an option. I realize that your journey was not how you hoped it would turn out and am glad that you are finding your way back to sobriety.
Hugs,
CF

Steely

Good on you Snitch.

Acceptance is key, and after I 'got it', the struggle not so gruelling. Now I know. And it's good to know.

snitch

Thanks guys. Yep I accept alcohol is not gonna give me the life I want and I don’t need it or want it. I’m done. Truly looking forward to this new chapter in my life. Will keep posting. Love Sober Recovery❤️

CelticZebra

Your resolve sounds stronger, I wish you much love and understanding through these next steps back into the sober, ultimately happier, you.