Evoo

I don’t know how to get past this, but I find social work functions to be so awkward. I recall them being somewhat awkward even before I quit drinking, but now I find myself unable to converse about anything but work and then conversations lapse into silence. People ask why I’m not eating or drinking (I can’t eat most food at these things due to crohns — which isn’t a fun conversation). I’m sure I come off fine, but in general I’m just uncomfortable and glad when they’re over.

It makes me wonder if I was ever an extrovert at all. I always fancied myself one. In a past life I dare say a buzzed version of myself “enjoyed” work functions. But now I find social obligations like this mentally exhausting and weird.

Anyone else get this?

PeacefulWater12

I hear you 100%. I dislike social gatherings, luckily I don't ever have to attend any now. No workplace obligations as I used to have.

I am a proud introvert. Hate small talk. I love deep conversations one to one with someone on same wave length as me.

I used to find work social events to be draining, awkward and very boring. A waste of time.

I can put on a mask and do small talk but prefer not to. The best part of a work do was when I getting my coat because it had ended!

Anna

This is me, too. Evoo, it's fine that you don't like social work situations. Can you make an appearance but leave early?

Robbie64

I don't feel comfortable in social situations like these. I don't like small talk and always feel uncomfortable. I go to them if I have to and am always glad when it's all over and I'm going home.

Dee74

Add me to the ‘not my forte’ list.
I spent decades trying to be garrulous and a bon vivant- I am not those things and I accept it now

D

MissPerfumado

Big-time introvert here *waves hand*.

FB showed me a memory recently - it was from 6 years ago, of the last Christmas work function where I drank. It was fun, a bit too much fun. Not coincidentally, I got sober a few days later. I could only bear those things when I could drink.

After that, I started missing them for one reason or another. I think I made it to 1 or 2 but left incredibly early.

You don't have to stay if they make you uncomfortable. Who is going to remember if you stayed to the end? Some won't have much recall of anything thanks to all the alcohol they've drunk.

My attitude is that no-one ever missed out on a rise or promotion for not going to a Christmas party. You've already increased your value to the organisation 1000-fold by getting sober, you don't need to torture yourself by staying to the end of these things!

dustyfox

Yes I get this too. When I drank I could be quite animated and easily chat to anyone although I was always aware I needed the drink to do it. Now, I can still do the chat but feel tense and fake and can't wait till it's over. I much prefer one to one situations.
I love being on my own - and then enjoy seeing people I really like or find interesting and who I click with.
I have actually started saying to family that I hate group get togethers and would rather not do it!

KAD65

That pretty much describes all my attempts at interacting at every social event I've ever attended! If personality tests are an accurate gauge, I usually register about 99% introverted. When I drank, I often had the illusion that I was a whole lot more entertaining than I probably was, or maybe I was just making a fool of myself. It is awkward at times for those of us who do require more stimulating one on one conversation, and it's not always so easy to find. But I've learned to go easy on myself. There's nothing wrong with us. Not everyone can be the life of the party, and I'm just fine with that.

brighterday1234

Not my thing. I only go occasionally now 🙏

Hodd

I thought I was pretty chilled about socialising with colleagues who were drinkers, but I wrote a few weeks ago about suddenly becoming stressed at the bar. A colleague was ordering the drinks, and I was concerned he may have not heard my request for AF or the bar staff may have messed up. The worst consequence would’ve been I’d have been given an alcoholic drink which I would’ve sent back. No big deal, but it would’ve been annoying. Apart from that minor setback, the evening was fine. I think if anyone’s in any doubt, don’t go or bail out early.

It’s quite an eye opener, though, to observe colleagues and alcohol. On a so-called business trip, I noticed several colleagues easily hitting double figures in terms of beers and seeming to be able to function the next day. That takes “practice” so I’d imagine a few of them were alcohol dependent. I was about six months sober on that trip and it certainly reinforced my resolve to stay sober.

Triggered

reasons to avoid office parties:

Endless small talk
Relentless gossip
Pretence of talking to people you wouldnt normally choose to
No one dances until theyre smashed
Speeches...yours, others, inpromptu or not
This one might only be me but I get a sense of fostered exceptionalism that depresses me ie. 'arent we all great' while you could rhyme off 100 things you hate about the company in a heartbeat
Feeling obliged to go and a 'party pooper' if you dont
Awkward silences
Awkward revelations
Getting trapped by someone who (usually drunk) absolutely and positively HAS to get their point of view across in as much boring detail as possible
When your wife uses the excuse 'well you got to go to the christmas party' to go and watch a male stripper troupe with 10 of her buddies

fishkiller

Count me in as not a fan.
We used to get wasted at our work functions then after a while that wasn't even fun.
I am around most of those people because I am paid to be.
If I'm off the clock that was the last place I wanted to be.