Gabe1980

Thought I'd start a new, post rehab, thread....

Shock to the system being out in the world again....it's a week of sorting life out, appointments and meeting. I love Zoom! Really enjoying meetings from all over the country.

It's been hard to deal with the aftermath of all the chaos I caused...seeing the pain in my parents faces when I got back. They have been so, so worried about me and understandably angry too.

Living amends means so much more than 'Im sorry'

Love xx

brighterday1234

For me I made/make my amends by living in the spirit of recovery each day 🙏

venuscat

Exactly dear BD s xx

Your parents are going to be OK Gabe....remember what you learned in rehab.....one of my fav AA sayings is: "You can look back, but don't stare".
That means not getting caught up in the pain of the past ~ one step at a time and one day at a time you are leaving all of that behind.

More love xx ❤️

least

Sending you big hugs and prayers for peace of mind.

Gabe1980

Thank you both ❤️
I really like that....look but don't stare. I heard another really good saying too...

'No amount of shame, guilt or anxiety in the present, can change the past'

I've been saying that to myself a lot...not getting buried in those old feelings, keeping life in the present and keeping a positive attitude.

I was so negative when it came to my future and my choices regarding recovery before xx

Dee74

Just keep putting one foot in front of the other Gabe…you’ll end up where you need to be
D

VikingGF

You can do it, Gabe.

Obladi

Be gentle with yourself. That old saw “time takes time” is dead on.

dustyfox

Every day sober is a gift you are giving yourself - it sounds like you have gained a good perspective!

nez

Living amends are CPR (cardiopulmonary resuscitation) for relationships. They breathe life into relationships that were hurt and replace the hurt with hope and joy as a relationship is brought back to life. How great! I am so glad for you Gabe!!

Anna

Gabe, just keep doing the next right thing and you'll be fine. We're here for you.

Delilah1

Glad you started this thread Gabe. I have worked hard at remaining focused on the present, not always easy, but a really good thing to add to recovery. There are some great mindfulness apps and activities that can help with this.

Sammy1980

Don't worry about anyone else's feelings or thoughts. There is nobody that is more hurt and disappointed in you then yourself! You are now sober because you know that you are worth it. The first year seems like forever but soon it will be a way of life. Keep it going Gabe.

DriGuy

I believe I spend more time regretting my past than is necessary, and even as I become more and more committed and settled into my sobriety (yes, it's still happening after 25 years), I find myself thinking about my past blunders more than I did when they were actually happening. I'm not sure what to make of this, but I don't worry about it too much because it's not to the level of a disabling obsession. I'm not sure I'm doing this right, because the general signal I get from recovering alcoholics is to "leave the past behind." Yet here I am. I think maybe I do this more now than I did in the past, because 1)it's just an old age thing, or 2)I was so blind and stupid in my past that my dumbness seldom registered, and I kept acting like an idiot.

I'm not sure that it's a bad thing to regret the past, as long as we commit ourselves to not making the same mistakes over again, and in fact, I'm very aware of not making the same mistakes, well some of them anyway, when I am in similar situations today. At such times I'm aware of forcing myself to take a more responsible course of action, which is often not my default response. We can learn from our past mistakes.

Regret may be a survival instinct. Like any emotion it can serve a useful purpose, but like any emotion, it can also take us in a direction that is not in our best interests. So there's a happy medium in there somewhere, IMO.

Surrendered19

I love your new thread Gabe. You do indeed have to make amends with actions. Our words ceased being trustworthy some time ago, but walking your healthy road and showing people who you are with what you do and how you act, you will regain their trust and confidence.

The past can be tough and I still lose sleep on a regular basis thinking about the past, but you have to right-size the past or it will pull you back there. And we all know what would happen if we go back that way. The past is a scar on us, and a scar might always be with us and it never will fully disappear, but it fades, and we can live good, healthy and productive lives - lives of peace and happiness - scars and all.

Gabe1980

Thanks very much everyone....I think focusing on the future and keeping it in the day is the trick to this....I can't change anything in the past....I can only change what I do now; my attitude and approach to life.

Anxiety has been pretty horrendous today but a walk in the country and meditation helps. I think I'm just needing some rest too. It's been a really demanding month ❤️

nez

Today will soon be the past. Today is where you start building a past that will be regret free. Doing that will also build a better future. Today is a win/win situation. Use it to your advantage and make the most of it!

Zebra1275

Living amends means so much more than 'Im sorry'

That's the only way to make amends to people you are close to. I didn't make verbal amends to my wife, talk is cheap and saying I'm sorry for the 10,000th time would have been pretty meaningless, she's heard that before. Besides, after 30+ years of marriage it's difficult to pin down specific events to apologize for. (and, excuse my lame joke here, but I didn't want to apologize for something that she didn't remember anyway, why add fuel to the fire?).

With my sponsors guidance, I made amends by changing my behavior and the way I live my life. That takes longer, but was much more valuable for both of us. And those behavioral changes greatly improved my ability to stay sober for over 11 years now.

Obladi

It is rather a shock to the system to come back out into the world, isn't it?

I found walking every day to be really helpful with the anxiety. That, plus I made myself a schedule every night for the next day and stuck to it (for the most part). The point wasn't so much about ticking off boxes as it was about putting routine into my life and, frankly - filling up the time.

It's ok. It will all be ok as long as you keep alcohol out of your system. At this point, your primary mission is simply to stay sober. Everything else is peripheral.

Steely

Rehab to the wide world can be daunting Gabe, but you've got everything in place in not drinking, living amends in action, and forgiving yourself, too.

I loved your joke about your wife maybe not remembering some stuff Gabe. Made that mistake yesterday when I reminded my son of something I had done. He said, "I vaguely remember that Mum." And now I owe him 20 bux😂