BackandScared

I just read that sentence by @MissPerfumado on another thread and it made me think about myself. The main personality trait that had to change when I quit was lying. Constant lies. Not only about my alcohol consumption, about everything. When I decided to stop the first step was to tell my husband (which was of course, the one that I was not willing to take ever before in earlier attempts to quit). Progressively, honesty has taken over. I avoid lies, even 'white lies'. I believe this is the change that made the miracle happen and the most radical change in my personality since I quit.

@MissPerfumado refers to insecurity. Do you also feel that alcohol covers up a particular personality issue you have or you used to have if you have quit?

Erratic

I have boderline personality disorder and use alcohol not now as im 7 days sober however i used it to hide alot of my emotions ect, when im off alcohol alot of my personality traits tend to come out and not always in a good way, but i am and have been told i am much better than i was which is good and i do try not to let the negative of my personality run riot. Hope that makes a little sense and thanks for starting this thread xx

ElizaD

Wow, Back and Scared. Me too! Showing vulnerability by being honest was too scary. Heaven forbid someone might judge me or not like me. I think insecurity is a big part of my problem like Miss Perfumado. Thanks for your great post.

BackandScared

Thank you for engaging Erratic and Eliza. In my experience, no matter how bad the personality trait we are trying to hide is, alcohol only makes it more visible (e.g. it is difficult to be a good liar if you cannot remember half of what you do and say)

Cityboy

Social anxiety was I think the biggest reason that drinking clicked for me at a young age (17). When I found myself with house payments, inlaws, and a boss I couldn't stand, drinking filled a new roll. That dependency reinforced itself more and more as poor social skills and decision making, resulting from being drunk or hungover all the time, lead to additional reasons to dull the senses. Eleven years as a binge drinker and 27 years as a heavy drinker. Towards the end, it was a chronic state of rock bottom with thoughts that it would be better if I just ran off the road and hit a tree or something. After nearly two years without the sauce, I would have never dared to dream that life could be so much better.

BackandScared

It is interesting how we may not share at all the journey but alcohol takes us to the same end. Social anxiety was only a problem when I became dependent. I am not a social animal and mostly prefer my own company but I was happy enough in social settings, that is, until I became really worried about how obvious it was to others that I was drunk; or when I had to constantly find a way of consuming more without being notice. At the end I had small wine bottles in my bag that were consumed in toilets... the shame, although I mostly just avoided social ocassions altogether.

PeacefulWater12

I think you are right, the alcohol is just the top layer. The real issue is underneath.

Jim1958

For me it was social anxiety. I only figured that out years later. I only knew that when I went to a party or something I drank a lot and used it as a "social lubricant" to get along. How I must have looked to people that did not have a drinking problem! It is kind of shocking now, but back then it did not occur to me that I was using alcohol to self medicate. But I sure was.

Hodd

I like this and would also like to add to it.

We’re all likely to be more positive and pleasant as non-drinkers. No one will care so much if we have odd traits if we’re generally pleasant. I’m still socially awkward but I’m usually - not always - well received by people as I tend to think positively of them. As a drinker, I always thought the worst of people and it does get noticed.

BackandScared

Consistently we all know rationally that drinking, when you have reached the point we all have, will only make everything worse. And still, we manage to convince ourselves to drink because we lie to ourselves and promise it will be different next time. I am a much better person sober too Hodd. Perhaps not the person I would like to be, but I can keep working on it.

I wish you luck and strength Zug. 18 days is a lot of days; the worst is behind you.