Quit while ahead
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2021
Location: Midwest
Posts: 26
Quit while ahead
Hi all, and thank you for this forum. I’ve been a lurker for some time, never posted, but it’s been inspiring to read all the stories, so many different lives and destinies, yet we all share the same struggle. There’s something comforting in that.
I’m on day 6, it’s been years since I’ve been without drink for this long. Fortunately I didn’t have much withdrawal, some lost sleep and night sweats the first couple of nights, some headaches still, but okay otherwise.
I really don’t know why I became an alcoholic; I never had any issues with anxiety or depression, and while I’m mostly an introvert, I never used alcohol to be more outgoing. I just really like the feeling of being buzzed, and apparently that was enough to get me here. I was a daily drinker, and what started off with a glass of wine or whiskey to relax after a long day eventually became several, and then I started drinking earlier in the day on weekends, and then all day on weekends, and then all day on Fridays as well because “it’s practically the weekend anyway”. I never really drank myself to oblivion, I usually remembered most things from the night before, but that didn’t prevent me from drinking copious amounts toward the end anyway, particularly on the weekends (at least by any normal standards).
When I look at myself now, the thing I feel the most is disbelief. As in, how the heck did I allow myself to go this far? I’m almost 50, and somewhere inside I know I should have known better. I have a good job, a happy marriage, I eat well, I stay fit, and exercise a lot. I used to run a couple of half marathons per week until recently, but had to cut down since my knees couldn’t take it anymore, but I’m still working out quite a bit.
So I don’t really get it, how I can be so vigilant to stay healthy, and yet decided to keep drinking so much. But, here I am, and to be honest, it doesn’t really matter why I did it. What matters is that I t’s time to quit, while I’m still ahead.
Thank you all for the inspiration, I’m proud to be part of this beautiful community.
QWA
I’m on day 6, it’s been years since I’ve been without drink for this long. Fortunately I didn’t have much withdrawal, some lost sleep and night sweats the first couple of nights, some headaches still, but okay otherwise.
I really don’t know why I became an alcoholic; I never had any issues with anxiety or depression, and while I’m mostly an introvert, I never used alcohol to be more outgoing. I just really like the feeling of being buzzed, and apparently that was enough to get me here. I was a daily drinker, and what started off with a glass of wine or whiskey to relax after a long day eventually became several, and then I started drinking earlier in the day on weekends, and then all day on weekends, and then all day on Fridays as well because “it’s practically the weekend anyway”. I never really drank myself to oblivion, I usually remembered most things from the night before, but that didn’t prevent me from drinking copious amounts toward the end anyway, particularly on the weekends (at least by any normal standards).
When I look at myself now, the thing I feel the most is disbelief. As in, how the heck did I allow myself to go this far? I’m almost 50, and somewhere inside I know I should have known better. I have a good job, a happy marriage, I eat well, I stay fit, and exercise a lot. I used to run a couple of half marathons per week until recently, but had to cut down since my knees couldn’t take it anymore, but I’m still working out quite a bit.
So I don’t really get it, how I can be so vigilant to stay healthy, and yet decided to keep drinking so much. But, here I am, and to be honest, it doesn’t really matter why I did it. What matters is that I t’s time to quit, while I’m still ahead.
Thank you all for the inspiration, I’m proud to be part of this beautiful community.
QWA
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
Welcome QWA - I'm so glad you posted. This is a wonderful place for encouragement & friendship. I signed on 14 yrs. ago, thinking a forum couldn't possibly help. Not feeling alone anymore meant everything.
Congrats on your 6 days of freedom - we look forward to having you part of the family.
Congrats on your 6 days of freedom - we look forward to having you part of the family.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2021
Location: Central NC
Posts: 205
Hi, QWA! Welcome! I think most of us probably wonder how and why our drinking got so out of control. My drinking patterns started much like yours - a little drink here and there, mostly on the weekends. But eventually the weekends began earlier, and ended later in the week, until I was eventually drinking everyday. As you say, it really doesn't matter why we got this way so much as accepting the reality that we've become addicted. You are wise to realize this now and truly quit while you're ahead.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,776
Welcome to the family. 
You are smart to quit while you're still ahead, before irreparable damage has been done.
If you feel the urge to drink, come here first and post about it. We'll do our best to talk you out of it.
Glad you joined us!
You are smart to quit while you're still ahead, before irreparable damage has been done. If you feel the urge to drink, come here first and post about it. We'll do our best to talk you out of it.
Glad you joined us!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2021
Location: Midwest
Posts: 26
Thank you everyone, I’m excited to be here!
I’ll definitely post here if I get cravings, but to be honest, it somehow feels like a switch flipped inside, that this is it. I feel extremely motivated, although I need to be careful not to get cocky about it. I don’t think I’m at risk of “caving in” to some terrible craving, but I may be at risk of getting careless down the road and forget what it was like when I drank.
That’s one of the reasons I’m writing here, to document what I was doing as a reminder why I need to not get careless and slip into my old habits.
I’ll definitely post here if I get cravings, but to be honest, it somehow feels like a switch flipped inside, that this is it. I feel extremely motivated, although I need to be careful not to get cocky about it. I don’t think I’m at risk of “caving in” to some terrible craving, but I may be at risk of getting careless down the road and forget what it was like when I drank.
That’s one of the reasons I’m writing here, to document what I was doing as a reminder why I need to not get careless and slip into my old habits.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
Originally Posted by QuitWhileAhead 
I really don’t know why I became an alcoholic; I never had any issues with anxiety or depression, and while I’m mostly an introvert, I never used alcohol to be more outgoing. I just really like the feeling of being buzzed, and apparently that was enough to get me here.
We must shift gears, and take action. I mean actual action, as in changing our habitual behavior and actively doing something else to let our minds and bodies adjust to a life without alcohol.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,337
No beating yourself up.
Most if not all of US are intelligent, fairly ok financially persons that are loving and kind.
Why? Because alcohol is ADDICTING. And addiction causes living hell.
The good news? We can live wonderful lives free from the chains of addiction.
Welcome!😘🤓
Most if not all of US are intelligent, fairly ok financially persons that are loving and kind.
Why? Because alcohol is ADDICTING. And addiction causes living hell.
The good news? We can live wonderful lives free from the chains of addiction.
Welcome!😘🤓
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,157
Welcome!
I quit at 51 after daily drinking for over 30 years.
I too had surprisingly little physical withdrawals but my mind is still healing and I am still figuring this sober life out but I will tell you it is So Much Better than my previous existence.
When I quit I had that feeling like a switch was flipped and I was ready for a new life. That does make it a bit easier but as you said remain vigilant.
I play the tape forward during the rare drinking thoughts and not only remember how bad of shape I was in but also remember how good of shape I am in since I quit.
If you don't know what AV is give it a read. This has helped me understand thoughts and cravings more than anything.
I quit at 51 after daily drinking for over 30 years.
I too had surprisingly little physical withdrawals but my mind is still healing and I am still figuring this sober life out but I will tell you it is So Much Better than my previous existence.
When I quit I had that feeling like a switch was flipped and I was ready for a new life. That does make it a bit easier but as you said remain vigilant.
I play the tape forward during the rare drinking thoughts and not only remember how bad of shape I was in but also remember how good of shape I am in since I quit.
If you don't know what AV is give it a read. This has helped me understand thoughts and cravings more than anything.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,919
Welcome!
I quit at 46. Stayed sober for over 5 years and then thought I was cured and could drink responsibly like a regular person.
I was wrong. I spent a completely miserable year trying to get sober again. I came close to losing stuff, like my marriage, my kids, my career, my health . . .
Eventually I found this website and tried AA. Although I no longer go to AA, I'm coming up on 12 years of sobriety next spring. The key message I have in all of this is, don't ever get complacent.
I quit at 46. Stayed sober for over 5 years and then thought I was cured and could drink responsibly like a regular person.
I was wrong. I spent a completely miserable year trying to get sober again. I came close to losing stuff, like my marriage, my kids, my career, my health . . .
Eventually I found this website and tried AA. Although I no longer go to AA, I'm coming up on 12 years of sobriety next spring. The key message I have in all of this is, don't ever get complacent.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
The reason I kept drinking even though deep down inside I knew it was wrecking me is because I was mentally and physically addicted.
Pretty much my goto reason. Nothing else.
The addiction will do anything to get the fix. Any decision to ever ever drink again is a relapse. It is not a decision, it is a relapse.
The physical has pretty much healed. All sorts of good things there.
The mental is better as well, but it didn't really heal. My brain rewired around the forever damaged portions.
On the www there are pictures of addicts brains. The brain looks different. It will never heal.
That is why I drank and that is why I will never touch the poison again.
Education. The www saved my life. SR saved my life.
Dr.'s don't talk about this. Addiction Dr.'s might. But not a general practitioner. They might diagnose me as depressed and give me some meds though.
Yikes.
How can I tell if I am truly depressed if I have been drunk for the last 40 years.
It has taken a long long time to see what is left of the real me.
What I have found is amazing and it is getting better.
Love always.
Thanks.
Pretty much my goto reason. Nothing else.
The addiction will do anything to get the fix. Any decision to ever ever drink again is a relapse. It is not a decision, it is a relapse.
The physical has pretty much healed. All sorts of good things there.
The mental is better as well, but it didn't really heal. My brain rewired around the forever damaged portions.
On the www there are pictures of addicts brains. The brain looks different. It will never heal.
That is why I drank and that is why I will never touch the poison again.
Education. The www saved my life. SR saved my life.
Dr.'s don't talk about this. Addiction Dr.'s might. But not a general practitioner. They might diagnose me as depressed and give me some meds though.
Yikes.
How can I tell if I am truly depressed if I have been drunk for the last 40 years.
It has taken a long long time to see what is left of the real me.
What I have found is amazing and it is getting better.
Love always.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2021
Posts: 527
Do you hear people who have been diagnosed with an allergy to strawberries ask all the questions you're asking? I don't. So, consider the possibility that you are an alcoholic and your alcoholism requires no more explanation than an allergy to strawberries. Some have it, some don't. Then consider what the relevant elements of this alcoholic disease are. For some, it's more than just a physical allergy. It also includes a form of insanity, which manifests as a mental obsession to drink that seemingly always wins out over our best intentions to stay sober. Then, finally, consider what can solve those first two problems (i.e., the physical allergy and mental obsession). Some of us discover that there is only one solution for us: the recovery program set forth in Alcoholics Anonymous. And, unfortunately, some who are in that class die because they refuse to accept that this formulation of the disease is even possible -- much less that it could apply to them.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2021
Location: Midwest
Posts: 26
Thank you all so much for your responses, for sharing what you have learned on this journey.
I very much agree with what several of you mentioned, that I have to be careful to not get too confident just because things are going well right now, to never allow myself to think that I’m “cured” and can go back to how I drank before my pre-addiction days.
I know I have an addiction, but not [yet] a full blown physical addition. Rather, it seems to take the shape of a mental addiction, a habit that turned into a compulsion. Often I didn’t even *want* a drink, or to get more drunk, yet I poured it, over and over.
I’ve read about AV and fully expect it to kick in when I need it the least, I’ll definitely keep my eyes open and stay vigilant. Thank you all again for your support and wisdom.
I very much agree with what several of you mentioned, that I have to be careful to not get too confident just because things are going well right now, to never allow myself to think that I’m “cured” and can go back to how I drank before my pre-addiction days.
I know I have an addiction, but not [yet] a full blown physical addition. Rather, it seems to take the shape of a mental addiction, a habit that turned into a compulsion. Often I didn’t even *want* a drink, or to get more drunk, yet I poured it, over and over.
I’ve read about AV and fully expect it to kick in when I need it the least, I’ll definitely keep my eyes open and stay vigilant. Thank you all again for your support and wisdom.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
I would rather think I was an addict for life, and never drink again, and be wrong.
If I think I am not addicted, continue to dance with the poison, ruin my life more or totally, and be wrong...that is where hell on earth lives.
One of the biggest regrets I read here is folks that come back after relapsing and say how bad, regretful, and shameful they feel.
Once a person gets officially educated, if they listen, the shame is strong.
The addiction will say anything to get the fix.
The addiction will say, you are not physically addicted, only mentally. Have a drink. That is a not a relapse.
I argue it is a full up relapse. Don't drink for a week, then drink. Relapse. Don't drink for a month, then drink. Relapse.
Deny the drink when the crave comes. When the crave comes again...deny it again. Then tie yourself to the chair because the crazy elephants will begin to run a muck. Anxiety, obsession. Hell on earth. This ramps up for months. Every trigger for the first year is hell on earth. Then the addiction morphs. Now the addict is triggered by things that trigger 2nd year clean folks. It goes on and on.
Everybody is different, Everybody is the same.
Thanks.
If I think I am not addicted, continue to dance with the poison, ruin my life more or totally, and be wrong...that is where hell on earth lives.
One of the biggest regrets I read here is folks that come back after relapsing and say how bad, regretful, and shameful they feel.
Once a person gets officially educated, if they listen, the shame is strong.
The addiction will say anything to get the fix.
The addiction will say, you are not physically addicted, only mentally. Have a drink. That is a not a relapse.
I argue it is a full up relapse. Don't drink for a week, then drink. Relapse. Don't drink for a month, then drink. Relapse.
Deny the drink when the crave comes. When the crave comes again...deny it again. Then tie yourself to the chair because the crazy elephants will begin to run a muck. Anxiety, obsession. Hell on earth. This ramps up for months. Every trigger for the first year is hell on earth. Then the addiction morphs. Now the addict is triggered by things that trigger 2nd year clean folks. It goes on and on.
Everybody is different, Everybody is the same.
Thanks.
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