overforty

This time of year is always harder for people without family.
Usually I fill the time with work and drinking.
I'm not working at the moment and I'm recovering from Covid so I have spent the last month on my own.
Actually if I'm honest I am always on my own.
Alcohol used to (pretend) to be my friend.
The problem I'm having today is that I am due to see friends ( that aren't close by ) for a catch up.
And I feel like The Grinch and just don't want to go!
I don't want to put a dampner on anyone else's happiness.
A friend that I've known all my life is coming to visit on Christmas Eve which should be lovely- but I don't want her to come.
She is a type 'A' person really high functioning and recently got into a new relationship and is loved up and happy.
I am happy for her - but it just magnifies my lonliness.
This post sounds bitter- I'm not - I know I'm depressed after years of alcohol / drug abuse.
And my close family have sadly all passed away - so I will be alone as usual at Christmas.
Its really sad that I can't make connections with people.
I've always been like it - I have never been married, no children and now no job.
I doubt I'll be able to stay sober today.

Contella09

I am really sorry to hear you are feeling this way. No one should have to feel this way.

I am sorry about your family but you do have friends who want to be there for you. They wont judge you for how you are feeling. Everyone goes through bad times and depression. Some people hide it better than others.

Please don't isolate yourself. Maybe you have social anxiety like myself. I always want to cancel too but I always feel better when I don't because I enjoy that time with friends and wonder afterwards what all the worrying is about. The more you socialise the more doors you open up for yourself.

Drinking always makes it worse for me because I always cancel then. I give myself a few days off the drink and I feel better in myself to be with friends. Maybe stay abstinent and see how you feel before you cancel.

I will be thinking of you. I will be alone this Christmas too. My daughter is here but it won't be like it used to be with all my family x

Surrendered19

I'm sorry you are feeling rough overforty. The theme of your post is feeling lonely, yet you bemoan having to get together with your friend on Christmas Eve and seeing a larger group of friends at a get-together that you do not want to attend today. Maybe re-examine some of that? The Silly Season descends upon us and all sorts of feelings get created in our nag-headed heads that aren't necessarily completely borne out by reality.

I am truly sorry you are feeling lonely and I really don't want you to drink today. You know what that will lead to right? The holidays will be over and yet you'll still be drinking.

Go see your friends today overforty and don't leave that event until you make plans for the next get-together.

Hodd

Hi overforty, a lot of us have turned things around in our forties. I’d certainly be accepting all invitations to meet people. I think you know such meet ups are better once they get going.

Drinking isn’t helping and is adding to your negative feelings. Now we’re getting back to normal (I don’t watch much news as it’s too pessimistic), why not make 2022 the year you take up a new interest, preferably one where you get out and meet people?

I’m not that different to you (just older &#129322. I’m quite shy - and I reckon I’m very mildly autistic, which amazes me as I taught autistic kids, but I’ve really come out my shell since I quit drinking just under three years ago. OK, people take a bit more time to warm to me, but once they see I’m a bit shy, they take an interest in what I’m saying or doing. It still surprises me now after years of being a bit of a loner. It’s hard to get out of the habit of drinking, but things just seem to work out when you do so. Things don’t sound so bad. You’ve got some real friends by the sound of it. They’re hard to find.

dustyfox

Hi overforty,
I don't know about you but one of the reasons I used to cancel seeing friends or family and not want to see them was for two reasons, either
a) I would be unable to drink much/enough/at all
or
b) I was so ashamed of myself I couldn't face anyone looking me in the eyes.
I wonder if you feel any of these ? Since I stopped drinking I feel neither of these two things ever, it makes meeting people so much easier. It take away all social anxiety but it does make some things easier.

KAD65

Hi overforty,

Wow, can I ever relate to what you're saying! Aside from not really having close family, there are additional reasons this time of year is particularly difficult for me, too. It seems everyone just has to ask, "Are you spending the holiday with family?" I know it's tiring and can really wear you down mentally and emotionally, but I usually feel better about having had some contact with others, even if I really want to avoid it if it's left up to me. I struggle with depression as well, and have a tendency to isolate. When I drank, that took me to some very dark places - places I don't ever want to go again. I would strongly advise against it. Why not keep coming here to at least make some kind of contact with others? There are so many here who are willing to help, even if it's just to give you some company.

Steely

You don't sound bitter, overforty. You sound lonely, and a little depressed. I hope you have your type A personality friend come to visit. She wouldn't want to visit if she didn't like you.

Sharing and being real with someone is important. Toxic positivity is a big fat bore.

Make her welcome overforty. I think you'll be glad you did.

least

Yes, you can stay sober today if you put your mind to it.

Allow yourself to have some interaction with others. If others want to see you, let them come and try to enjoy their company.

I live alone too, with my dog and two cats. They keep me from feeling too lonely and are good company for me. Do you have any pets? If you're allowed where you live, could you adopt a dog or cat? A dog is wonderful cause they love you unconditionally. They also get you outside in the fresh air and sunshine when you take them for walks.

Please don't drink today. It will just make you feel more depressed.

Dee74

I hope you do stay sober over forty cos in my experience that’s the only way you can build the kind of life you want.

Its not a short process but we can build the kind of life we want with friends and hobbies and interest, and a sense of purpose…but not if we keep drinking. Then we’ll just settle for the status quo.

i haven’t seen you around that much. What else have you been doing to stay sober?

D

Anna

Overforty, I'm glad you posted. The hype regarding the Holidays is hard for most of us because it's so unrealistic. I really hope you've remained sober today because that will get you closer to having the life you want. As your recovery continues, you will feel more comfortable around people. Of course, there will always be people who are toxic to you and should be avoided, but I think you will find you will feel more comfortable.

D122y

I wont give advice because I am lonely too. I am also sometimes very sad and anxious.

I relate.

I wish I could just come through this internet and be with you. Just be there and chill.

Watch tv, take a walk, have a treat.

You could pet my little doggy.

Prayers you find happiness.

Just know there are so many people here on SR that care about you.

Love always.

Booze just makes things worse. Stay clean.

Thanks.