Hawkeye13

Long hot shower and cup of tea, tuck yourself into a cozy bed with that book. . .safer bet

Pekelover2

I’m in bed with my book. I’m in a city three hours ahead of my internal time clock. But still. I will wind down. I will tell myself that it’s later than it is. One thing about not needing a ton of sleep is that it makes flying East a bit of a pain.
But gosh. If I drank tonight, I’d feel like absolute garbage tomorrow. I know it.

I had a wonderful day with my family. It was just perfect.
And I ran 8.54 miles this morning. I need to be more thankful!
(And my husband can go to his shift tonight not worrying about me!)

Pekelover2

I dozed for a bit.
What I wouldn’t give for some Crystal light with water. And some fruit. They have a little lobby shop. It’s mostly junk food. Might go down for a bit.
But anyway: yay!!! I’ve made it hrs another night.

AAPJ

Well since moderation was mentioned I offer my favorite post on the topic.

My guide to moderation - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information (My guide to moderation)

Hodd

For a few months earlier this year, I developed a Five Guys mini -addiction. I’d only go once a week, but I don’t normally eat any red meat and I certainly wouldn’t eat fried stuff. It was just convenient although in the end I hated the taste of the overpriced cr*p, basically an upmarket McDs which I haven’t set foot inside in decades, and vowed to never set foot in a Five Guys again. That wasn’t really an addiction hence I was able to give up so easily. Now, this concept of alcohol delivery. You need to nip that in the bud. What an evil immoral business. I’m really thankful that I didn’t know about alcohol delivery whilst I was drinking. There’ll obvious be a minimum order so even that portion control is lost. It’s a massive concern that you’re thinking of ordering. This doesn’t sound like a recovery that’ll end well the way things are progressing

PeacefulWater12

My favourite too, AAPJ. Thanks so much for bumping it up here. I haven't read it for a while. Really enjoyed rereading it today.

Brilliant.

Thank you, LessGravity, for creating this.

MissPerfumado

Hi Pekelover!

I agree with Hodd. This doesn't sound like you're in a solid frame of mind.

I wonder what your thought process is here. Is it that your drinking hasn't caused you enough problems yet? That you could somehow manage to moderate? That you don't have to be accountable to anyone but yourself right now, so who would know anyway?

I'm wondering also, who have you told that you've stopped drinking, other than your husband (who, by the way, has actually offered you alcohol a couple of times since you committed to sobriety, so how invested is he really in ensuring you stay sober).

How accountable are you to people in your life about your sobriety? Is it more important for you to maintain a facade of normalcy than to stop drinking completely?

I'm just seeing a lot of potential weaknesses in your armour. That's why I'm giving you a hard time.

You related a story about being so affected by alcohol you had to be taken off a plane in a wheelchair. I think better than making a gratitude list right now, it would be more effective that you write a list of all the horrible things that have happened because of your drinking. That's meant in the best possible way.

Be ever so careful... you are on the right path as of now, but if people here are seeing warning signs, then it would be best to heed them.

Hodd

Hi Peke, I’m being officious here and probably overstepping my authority (not that I have any 😆 ) but if I was still an active drinker and saw the name of an alcohol delivery service company, I’d think all my Christmases had come at once. These companies are clearly out there, but I wouldn’t be naming them on here and giving them free advertising. As an ex-drinker, I can see it being quite a trigger for someone tinkering on the edge of a relapse. I’ll go back to my more mundane posts now 🙂 plus I’ve just been hypocritical and mentioned Five Guys a load of times (don’t bother eating their overpriced junk food).

VikingGF

How are you doing, Peke?

Dee74

Pekelover, IMO you did nothing but share honestly about a passing idea you had.

I know there are many others here who have thought of crafty ways to get booze - most of us in fact.

The end result is... you didn't do it.

I hope we hear from you soon - how are things?
D

Hodd

Oh wow, I hope my officiousness hasn’t scared you off, Peke ☹️

I’ve been reading all of this thread and rooting for you.

MissPerfumado

Same here ,Pekelover. I am truly sorry if my directness and hard questioning crossed the line. It was an attempt to help not hurt, but I'm sorry if it went too far. You've been doing really well and the last thing I would want is be responsible for keeping you away from accessing the incredible support here.

Pekelover2

Had I know that writing the words of a large well-known company the delivers (primarily food) was trigger for many ppl, then I wouldn’t have done it.
Are we permitted to write the words “wine”? How about brands of wine?
I wonder if tough gloves are used for me because I’m high functioning?
Instead of drinking this evening, I ran 6.5 miles. At night. In the dark.
So if that isn’t a plan, I don’t know what is.
I don’t appreciate your comments, Hodd. So will all due respect, please don’t comment on my posts anymore. Incidentally, I was in OA for many years. And your comment triggered me. How do you know that there aren’t ppl on this forum struggling with more than one addiction?

PS. I thought we were all humans here. I felt surrounded by ppl who allowed for honesty and candor. If I have to walk on eggshells with respect to my posts then perhaps I’m not a good fit for this group.
PPS Thank you Dee and Viking for you kindness.

DriGuy

Are things going south? I hope we can get back on track. I think this is an important thread.

Anna

Pekelover, this is a safe place for you to post your thoughts and feelings as you deal with early recovery. I'm sorry that you felt triggered and hurt. You are doing great and that's what matters. You can make use of the Ignore Function if you like, which will prevent you from seeing posts you don't want to see. Also, please know that you can PM me anytime if you want to talk.

Surrendered19

Hi Pekelover. Stay with us here on SR and speak your mind as you have been doing.

I am sorry you were triggered by Hodd's post and I hope you forgive him as I know Hodd to be a kind, supportive contributor here on SR. Only my humble opinion and I am certainly not trying to minimize your feelings.

I've really enjoyed your honest and open posts and I hope you stick around and keep posting. Your telling of your journey to this point has helped me stay sober and examine the benefits of kicking up my active pursuits. You set a good example for the rest of us.

Peace to you Pekelover.

Hodd

Thanks Surrender, I try but I’m far from perfect, and on this occasion I fell short. I’ll apologise to pekelover, continue to wish them well - I genuinely get upset when people relapse - and leave it there. If anyone doesn’t like a post of mine, they can always PM me. I’d never take offence at that 🙂

Pekelover2

Driguy, Anna Surrendered, Dee, Miss P and Hodd:
Thank you all so much for the positive and *encouraging* messages. It means so much to me.
On my run last evening I took pictures of the Christmas lights of my neighbor’s homes. And this morning I sent them pictures of their homes so they could see how lovely they were in the evening. I’m really proud of myself for not drinking last night. I didn’t have to work last night, and I did not have very much to do today. Tomorrow morning I don’t have any plans. But I’m going to try to ride 50 miles on my bike. It will be quite cold tomorrow. During the summer, riding 50 miles wasn’t too big of a deal. My bike club was in a competition to ride the most miles during the summer. We came in second place. But it’s quite cold. I’ll wear my ski base layers.
My husband is under a lot of stress. Even more than the usual Covid issues. Somehow he was misinformed about cme credits. (cme= continuing medical education). He needs a huge amount before Christmas. Like a very large amount. This will definitely affect our holiday. But on a positive note it will definitely curb his drinking. That’s sad. That he needs this deficit to curb his drinking.
I don’t feel like relationships are about nagging. I’ve always been this way. Maybe it’s pride. But I “suggested” to my husband that he make 2022 the year of (finally) starting a proper fitness plan. (My husband won’t even walk. He’s naturally thin. But even so, we all know the health benefits of exercise). I e been making this suggestion for the 23 years that we’ve been married. Perhaps my message finally hit home. I’m on an app that’s basically like Facebook for athletes. Well while I was away my husband joined the app. He made a profile. And he’s following and supporting me! I was taken aback. And overjoyed. He said he’s going to let me teach him to jog. (Not run. Jog. But that’s fine).

I think that mentioned that I’m vegan. I’ve also decided to do IF. (16/8). I’m not certain why I’m doing this. I just feel Iike I need more structure. I was starting to purge a lot. (I don’t binge. I just purge on healthy meals. It’s awful. I know). But I feel like eating during fewer hours of the day will help me to stop making myself get sick.
I posted a new profile pic on Facebook. I noticed how much better I look sober. (And not even sober for very long). I’m a small/thin person. But when I drink, my face looks puffy up. Already I see (and feel) a huge difference.
Thank you all again for your support.
PS Thanks Hodd. We’re good! XO

MissPerfumado

You are a class act, Pekelover. What a lovely, gracious post. (Thank you.)

Great news about your husband taking up jogging. And the CME mishap sounds like a blessing in disguise. There could be interesting changes afoot in your household...

Hawkeye13

I wish my spouse would make some kind of real effort to care for his health and quit drinking. He has gone from very thin to very heavy due primarily to thyroid issues, but also lifestyle choices, especially drinking and eating his feelings. I eat my feelings too, and used to be an anorexic and binge / purger. Us both drinking was a very unhealthy dynamic in so many ways, as my relapses in the past year made way too clear for comfort. . .

I also managed to put on the “Covid 30” pounds in the past 2 years as I was stressed out and trying to get to retirement this past June. I usually manage weight gain these days with trail running and low carb, but now I have a foot issue and haven’t been walking well, let alone running. Sigh.

But, most important thing for my long-term health and well-being is undoubtedly sobriety and healthy recovery. As that grows again, I feel better and increasingly in balance. The other issues can be solved if that one critical thing is in place. Once I get that priority straight, other good things will follow, and setbacks (such as my husband’s choices) don’t seem so overwhelming and an excuse for me to drink.

I hope someday my husband will also really do more than offer lip service and limited participation in self-care. I think it is absolutely wonderful your husband is starting that journey and wish you both a happy healthy holiday season!