TammyDHU882

Yes I went out again. Yes it's nothing I have not done several hundred times before. Nope I am in no way proud of myself. Yes I knew the consequences of my self-desctructive behavior. I didn't care, I did it again.

There is a church just down the street from where I live that hosts AA meetings. I don't understand what it is that makes me so afraid of going. I know I must face it, I'm only going to become sicker and sicker and possibly die if I don't.

For those of you that attend meetings: how did you muster up the courage to even walk through the door?

least

I just remembered that all of them at the meeting were once attending their first meeting. Without exception, all the members were kind and welcoming. I remembered also to look for the similarities, not the differences, and that helped too.

Welcome to the family. I hope our support and useful info can help you get sober for good.

LiveLikeGold6

I remember those nerves. I was nervous as hell and still sorta anxious but its calmed down a bit. I just know that it really helps meetings when ppl show up. I was told just being there is being of service. We are more than welcomed, we are needed. Another thing was the sense of belonging I felt once I heard others speak. I was like oh sh*t I belong here.

D122y

Anything is better than drinking. The addiction will do anything to get the fix.

Today, my coworker offered me a drink of special holiday elixir. I said I don't drink. Of course the eye browse raised. I gave my usual offering. I quit drinking and loved how I felt so much I never went back. That is true. There is more, but my offering is true. I feel better than I have felt in my entire life.

It is that simple. Booze is poison.

AA is like a safe place for addicts. It is run by addicts. I remember this guy that came into the meeting and just sat in the back and cried the whole time. He didn't want to talk, he just wanted to be there and cry.

One thing I learned over the years is I can't fix someone. I don't have the training. I can only love them. Sometimes, just sitting next to someone and sharing your energy is helpful. No words required. Just a little smile and nod.

Go to the meeting. Do it.

Thanks.

nez

It was either walk through the door or be driven to the cemetery. I chose life and walked through the door.

tursiops999

I was scared but deep down I knew I had to make a big change, I needed a revolution in my way of life. I cried all through my first meeting, and the women there (I went to a women's meeting), were lovely to me. I don't participate any more, but it can be a great place to make a real change.

Dee74

I'm glad you made it back Tammy

I think the answer to 'what do I do now' is everything - you have nothing to lose.

Steely

I used to attend AA, but do no longer. It helped enormously in the early days. I remember the trepidation on entering my first meeting. Crept over to a woman and asked if this was an AA meeting. She smiled and said, yes. I was made incredibly welcome. No need to speak. You can just sit and listen.

Don't be afraid, think as least did. Everyone had to enter a meeting for the first time. Make it your time Tammy.

Kaily

Desperation sent me through the doors. I only stayed a few months, not because I wasn't made welcome but because it wasn't a good fit for me.

They want to help, so let them.

Zevin

I drove around the block several times and finally went home, trying to go to my first meeting. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.
Try showing up a few minutes early and walk in with other people.
And remember, you don’t have to talk if you don’t want to. Everyone will understand.
I also sat in the back of the room at first.
It’s weird how HARD it can be to go to your first meeting but it gets easier each time.
Try it and report back!

DriGuy

I got there before the door was unlocked. I sat in the parking lot, and then people started showing up. I didn't see anyone I knew, got scared, and left. I knew I had to do something, and it seemed this was the only game in town, so I decided to call first, because each meeting had a contact person. I went home and called the contact person the next night, and he assured me I would be welcomed, even if I just showed up out of the blue. And you will be too. AA groups are notoriously welcoming.

I think the scary part for me was that walking in was an act of admission that my life was on the rocks, and I was hopeless, about to enter a room of equally or worse off losers. I was about to officially join (well maybe join) a group of society's lowest common denominator of lost wrecks. Me! With a respected career, and known to my community! I would be in a position of begging for help.

The next night, I showed up and everyone was so nice and understanding. Unlike my peers, no one told me I didn't have a problem. They understood, but what surprised me the most is how happy everyone seemed, and many had not had a drink in 5 years. One guy hadn't had one in 30 years. My fears were gone in the first few minutes, and I started babbling away happy to be able to talk to people who finally understood that I was suffering.

Now a lot of things happened that night. I had been processing my problem for a long time, and relapsing every night for the past two years. I was sick of drinking, and finding a place to go instead of a bar each night was one thing I needed. I hadn't had a drink for 5 days that night, and I was climbing the walls, but I drove right past the bar on the way home, and I haven't had a drink since.

AA may or may not work for you, but being scared of going the first time is nothing but fear of the unknown.

aasharon90

I followed in the footsteps of many who paved
the way for me to follow to learn how to remain
sober each day. They had what I wanted and it
was my responsibility to go get it.

I wanted freedom from my addiction and I wanted
peace, serenity and free from the chains that held
me prisoner for so long.

I learned about bringing cookies or baked goodies
to each meeting I attended. This allowed me to get
out of my selfishness and do some sort of service
work.

Folks saw me coming with my tray of goodies
and opened the door for me welcoming me in
each time allowing them to see me return many
many times remaining sober.

We grabbed our coffees and a sweet treat
then found a seat and listened, learned, absorbed
and applied helpful recovery information to help
each of us grow strong in our own quest for
continued sobriety and all the blessings that come
with it.

I suited up and showed up day after day to
achieve continuous sobriety for 31 yrs now.

Just because I have a many one days sober
now, doesnt mean i'm cured and can let my
guard down from this powerful, cunning and
baffling addiction.

Over the yrs. Ive come to learn that no one is
exempt from it. This disease sits patiently waiting
for those to let their guard down and then it
attacks relentlessly. No mercy.

Folks can have long time sobriety and end
up drunk or dead from it. All because they
let go of their recovery lifelines or incorperating
important tools and knowledge in their everyday
affairs.

We walk the walk of recovery everyday to
ensure we never return to the insanity that
comes with addiction.

UNITE4STRENGTH

Once I had a couple of cans before going to an AA meeting in the morning (don't do that).....I at least opened my mouth to admit that I'm an alcoholic. You could find a friend to attend with you - to one of the open meetings.

Mizz

You will be accepted with open arms.
Everyone is there to recover from their d.o.c.
You can do this.

RecklessDrunk

I was more scared of the judge and the prosecution then AA. I had a bunch of legal charges including a felony drug charge. My lawyer wanted me to go. I knew it could be months before I actually went in front of a judge. I knew this gave me this best chance in court. Also in the back of my mind I kinda thought maybe, just maybe drinking is doing more harm then good. Only days earlier I did not think a life without alcohol possible for me.

Every single person in AA walked in the rooms for the first time. You may be surprised just how much you have in common with the people in that meeting. There is nothing to be afraid of, except maybe continuing to drink. People are on the lookout for you. They have been in your shoes and want to help you. Someday soon you may be the one who wants to reach out to the newcomer.

We are a collection of people with all kinds of stories, backgrounds, patterns of drinking. People from poor homes, rich homes, broken homes, abusive homes, stable homes, ordinary homes, daily drinkers, binge drinkers, morning drinkers etc.

KAD65

Hi Tammy. Glad you made it back! It was the gift of desperation that finally drove me to AA. Up until then, I hated it and wanted nothing to do with it. I was belligerent on that point. But things ultimately deteriorated to a degree where it would have been harder to keep me away. In retrospect, I wish I had found that determination much sooner. Would've saved me a whole lot of trouble! I hope you will simply muster the courage to take back your life and go through those doors. It's unlikely you'll regret that decision the way you regret drinking again.

novips

Pray for the willingness to walk through that door. You don't have to believe anything to do that. Just get on your knees and ask for the willingness to walk through that door by simply saying: "Please, grant me the willingness to walk through that door." Again, this does not require you to believe anything. I guarantee that an atheist can take this action without bursting into flames. And what does it say of someone's open-mindedness if they are unwilling to perform even this simple experiment?

SouthernSober

"You can't save your face and your ass at the same time."

That's the thing about AA. Always be people with a much lower bottom than you, and anyone who judges, that's his/her problem, not yours.

Your AV will try desperately to reel you back in. It's mind games. It's Freddy Krueger. In contradistinction, look at the support you're getting here...online. Now go be with those kinds of people. In person.

I was still really rocky when I went back--and it was my home group. ~100 days later, I've yet to hear one discouraging word or see one skeptical glance.

"You will stay the same...until the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing."

So go change. "Alcoholism is the only jail where the key is on the inside of the cell."

All the best. SS

Obladi

I sat in my car and watched people going in so that I knew I was sure where to go. I went to quite a number of different meetings and hung back to begin with because each group has its own social norms. If all the women sat together, I sat with them or near them. If people were spread out all over the room, I kept a respectable distance from the others.

If you can, I would encourage you to also check out a number of meetings. They are all basically the same format, but some 'rooms' are just more comfortable than others for me. Look at it like an exploratory mission to find the meetings you like best.