Day 1 AGAIN - What can I do differently ?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 870
Day 1 AGAIN - What can I do differently ?
So I did 19 days and then gave in and had a 6 day binge. I received some correspondance concerning my son which indicated that he’d lied repeatedly about what he’d said to the Court (which found him guilty of coercive control against me). Also two friends who has been sick (non alcohol related) passed away within days of each other and it was very sad.
I’ve tried AA but found it depressing .. I might try Smart Recovery. All I know is I’ve got to do something different before this thing kills me.
I’ve tried AA but found it depressing .. I might try Smart Recovery. All I know is I’ve got to do something different before this thing kills me.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,429
Hi and welcome back ICDT 
I think you need to do two things - one is reach out here for help to not drink, before its too late... and the other is to detach - really detach - from your son.
You may have heard the Queen song Too Much Love Will Kill You?
I'm worried that your love for your son, and your inability to detach completely from him, is going to keep throwing up these unpleasant things you feel you can't cope with sober and end up killing you through your drinking.
If SMART Recovery is your thing please look into SMARTs Family and Friends resources and meetings as well.
https://www.smartrecovery.org/family/
ps I'm sorry for your loss - it's despicable how much of an opportunist the AV is to use anything to get us to drink.
We can deal with anything sober, but we have to have faith in ourselves to do it.
D
I think you need to do two things - one is reach out here for help to not drink, before its too late... and the other is to detach - really detach - from your son.
You may have heard the Queen song Too Much Love Will Kill You?
I'm worried that your love for your son, and your inability to detach completely from him, is going to keep throwing up these unpleasant things you feel you can't cope with sober and end up killing you through your drinking.
If SMART Recovery is your thing please look into SMARTs Family and Friends resources and meetings as well.
https://www.smartrecovery.org/family/
ps I'm sorry for your loss - it's despicable how much of an opportunist the AV is to use anything to get us to drink.
We can deal with anything sober, but we have to have faith in ourselves to do it.
D
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
I'm sorry that you have been drinking. I know the situation with your son is really difficult for you, but I think if you can avoid any and all correspondence concerning him, it would be the best thing for you. And, I'm sorry about the loss of your friend.
What do you think you can do differently? Maybe posting here more often would help. Do you find that music helps your mood? I have a specific playlist I use when I'm feeling depression taking over.
What do you think you can do differently? Maybe posting here more often would help. Do you find that music helps your mood? I have a specific playlist I use when I'm feeling depression taking over.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Back in the USA
Posts: 2,661
I been there many times Ican…. Fall seven times…rise up the eighth. Never give up. Come here and post, even when things are going great. Come here when things are not going so great. But keep coming here for the support you need to stop that AV from beating you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
You've got this in you ICDT. I know you do. You have had stretches sober and the real you comes shining through. You still seem insistent on having contact with your son which is always going to be disastrous for you. And by "contact" I mean all the normal meanings of that word but also you simply listening to reports from others about what he has said or done, etc. I don't know who these people are in your life that carry these messages to your, but you need to rid yourself of them too.
You can do this and get on this healthy path for good with all of us other botched and bungled. If I can do it, anyone can.
You can do this and get on this healthy path for good with all of us other botched and bungled. If I can do it, anyone can.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2021
Posts: 18
Hi Dee, and all, well no good I stopped seeing the therapist and AA online meetings are just not doing it for me. I was almost 90 days twice this year but now am just drinking daily. I am really depressed and lonely. I had sort of a break-up and am confused and drunk. I really want to quit and stay quit but really don't know what to do. thank you!
The Little Alcoholic Monstress That Could
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Northern California
Posts: 1,159
As another person said, do not give up on yourself. You want to be sober or else you wouldn't be here. You can still give yourself that gift at any moment. I suggest aa, smart recovery, buddhist recovery, or any other program of recovery that speaks to you. You don't have to do this alone. Getting to 90 days twice is huge and not for nothing
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,582
Hey Ican, the thing you do differently is not pick up, no matter what. Sounds simple, I know, but it works. Don't need nothin' to do this, you just DO it.
Had to admit my daughter to hospital 2 days ago. She is really unwell, but does not know it.
Prior to her hospitalisation I came really close to picking up because of the stress, but resisted, teeth clenched. It worked.
Having emerged from a very, very, challenging situation without acting on the urge to drink I feel so much stronger, ready to face the next challenge. And I'll be stronger again. I know it! Weakling to Wonderman. And all it took was Resistance.
Each successful challenge makes us stronger Ican. Up for the challenge? It's a good feeling to make it out to the other side.
You CAN Ican.
Had to admit my daughter to hospital 2 days ago. She is really unwell, but does not know it.
Prior to her hospitalisation I came really close to picking up because of the stress, but resisted, teeth clenched. It worked.Having emerged from a very, very, challenging situation without acting on the urge to drink I feel so much stronger, ready to face the next challenge. And I'll be stronger again. I know it! Weakling to Wonderman. And all it took was Resistance.
Each successful challenge makes us stronger Ican. Up for the challenge? It's a good feeling to make it out to the other side.
You CAN Ican.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 4,418
Icandothis- Reflect back on what happened after you drank again. Did it make anything better? Did it fix even one problem? Covering up and numbing the pain does not make it go away, right? In the end, it compounds our misery because we STILL have those pesky problems AND we feel terrible for drinking. Play the tape forward, come post here BEFORE you drink and spill your guts to us. It feels better than drinking and it's a lesson in strength. You can absolutely do this. The only thing stopping us from success is our own doubts and fears. And we are WAY stronger than those!! Don't drink today.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 870
Good D,thanks for checking in ! Day 4 I think. I had a session with my therapist today who I love as he’s very direct. I read him out bits of the correspondance that had upset me … but then he stopped me and said “there’s nothing there you didn’t know ie that your son lies, now go and throw it in the bin ! “. So I did , and I feel much better ! :-) Onwards !
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