Day 568 and I don't have anything awesome to say
 

In fact I was almost ready to throw in the towel. I'm so glad I somehow came back to my senses and realized my sobriety is the one gift I've been able to give myself and I'm not ready to let that go. They say we don't have to do this alone but I have been forcing myself to do it alone. Spiritually I am just not where I could be. But I have a choice to fix that because I didn't drink. I need program again. I need a sponsor. I am glad I have made it this far. I hope this helps someone somewhere. Don't Kwit!

Hi LLG,

Glad you came here for support. Congrats on making it this far. You’re doing awesome.

:grouphug:

The fact you have 568 days and you realised you needed help before you stumbled is pretty awesome in my book LLG - congrats! :)

D

It helps me so much to read about other people that have these feelings in early years of sobriety - because I have them too.

Every time I survive one of those ‘so close to giving up’ episodes, I am shaken and pleased at the same time. Shaken because it’s not predictable (I’m prepared for those times), but pleased to realize I actually rode it out.

I’m glad you did too!

O

p.s. What you said was the awesome-est.

I agree. However, I am not always prepared, but am very proud when I do not give in.

Yeah, the Silly Season descends upon us and all sorts of thoughts, including drinking thoughts from holidays past, swirl around some. Thank you for sharing this as it helps me and so many others stay the trail.

You are doing so well. Staying the course and knowing what you need. Keep on going. This too shall pass.

Glad you came back to your senses. I think it shows amazing self-awareness that you realize you need some help at this point. You don't have to go it alone.
Sincere congratulations on 568.

And you DID say something amazing - you said you need help. Not everyone says that, and they don't always make it in sobriety. Most people do need support of some sort. It's tough to do this on your own.

Congrats on 568 days sober! :hug: And glad you reached out. :hug:

LLG, you're doing great and congratulations on your recovery.

568 days is fantastic! You should be extremely proud of that, even if you do feel like you're struggling somewhat. I can relate to what you say about feeling "off' spiritually, like you've lost your way somewhere. You mentioned that you need to get back into the program and find a sponsor. It was exactly after I stopped attending meetings or having a sponsor that I went through the same kind of slump in my recovery. In my case, it culminated in a relapse only 4 days after my 6-year anniversary. I was "our there" for only 8 days, but it was awful and terrifying. If there was any good that came from it, it was the fact that it did get me back into the program and working with a sponsor again. I have just over 7 months now. I think you are on the right track in thinking you need to reach out to others for support. SR is a great place for that, but in my experience, there has been no substitute for 3D interactions.

I still struggle too. I guess if it was easy it wouldn't be worth fighting for. I am learning to live with the inner niggle that sometimes rages. Arguing with it is futile.

Congratulations on 568 days.

Thank you all. I appreciate your kind words more than you know. Someone said "silly season" lol I love that. There is no replacement for working a program of recovery that includes working with fellows addicts, I love that we have that available to us.

For what it’s worth, you’re awesome. 568 days and still bettering yourself.

I reckon we reach a plateau. In the first year, we’re supermen/women and feel we can do anything. We stay super, but we get used to it. It becomes the norm. It’s good you’re assessing things, but think how much better your life is now.

Being able to say you have been sober for 568 days is important in my opinion, congratulations LLG.

I'm really pleased you didn't quit as you would be loathing yourself now. Hang in there.

And another thing I reflect on is that boredom has ALWAYS been a trigger for me. But looking back on my last relapse, those 2 nights of drinking were boring as hell! Off to a meeting NOW. There's a thin line between boredom and serenity so I gotta remember that!

Hi! I can really relate to how you are feeling! It's so good that you reached out after being sober for as long as you have been. I feel like boredom would absolutely be a major trigger. Especially in this day in age when everything is at our fingertips. I hope your meeting goes well. And a big congratulations on all of that sobriety time!

The "Silly Season"....love this! I wanted to share that when I recall drinking during the holidays, I recall a former work's holiday party where I drank so much that I passed out in a bathroom stall and one of the managers found me and swore that I was not breathing. I frightened the owner of the Pub that I worked for, and all of the managers, that they fired me the week after the party.

I am sober this minute, and am so grateful to be alive. I am also going to borrow your phrase, the "Silly Season", because it makes me smile and reminds me to keep living my life sober!

568 days IS awesome LLG.

568 days is pretty awesome! I know it can be hard as hell sometimes but it's worth it. I'm glad you didn't cave! Don't walk, RUN to whatever resource you need to keep going. Sobriety is the bedrock that a good life is built on. Just the foundation doesn't give you a great life on its own, but the lack of it pretty much makes a great life impossible.:grouphug: