DriGuy

This is a good plan if you are an alcoholic. If you are not, simply choose to do what you like. BUT... this can be an act of self deception, so you need to soul search this (see next responses).

I didn't crave alcohol either, even as an alcoholic, because when I sensed a craving coming on, I quelled it immediately by drinking. Binge drinkers... I'm not saying you are one... go for long stretches without alcohol, apparently without cravings, until they get a craving, which the quell by binging.

That's the way I was. I had other go tos also, but they revolved around drinking, sometimes the drinking part was reserved for the end of the day. Skiing, hunting, hiking were all like that, and on overnight hikes, my last stop on the way out of town always involved picking up a pint of whiskey for you know, "around the campfire to complete a day in the woods."

You may still be in the clear or not. One way to find out is to try going without alcohol for a year and see what happens. You can then be more confident in your self assessment, but even that is risky. I had two friends that survived the one year test, one self imposed and the other imposed by the court, who did fine without alcohol they said, but after the year, they were heavy into the sauce. This doesn't really tell us whether they were alcoholics, but the court imposed friend eventually went to prison because he was habitually driving while drunk, and destroying property, although he never killed anyone. The other lost his job from stupid things he did while he was drunk.

You are starting to take a hard look at yourself, and I admire that, and I encourage you to keep looking and thinking. Self deception is strong in alcoholism. It's a universal human trait, but especially problematic for alcoholics. Actually, I hope your are not alcoholic. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. If you are not, just be careful with alcohol.

I haven't read the entire thread yet. Perhaps this has all been addressed. I wish you the best.

Burra

Ironically this is how I started getting into drinking, studying in isolation. It helped me take a casual social thing like only drinking on certain events a few times a year to drinking nearly every day. I don't have any idea what else to do with myself. There is nothing to do here, no place to meet people, especially over Christmas. Another christmas in isolation. Not even the local AA is meeting up. Everyone has families. This is the most unrealistic time to think about being sober.

I know this is my responsibility to manage. But I can't manage. Yes that's too bad. Sometimes it seems strange why I was allowed to be an adult.

The last? For me it would be the first thing to do. The only things to hunt here are trees and bushes. If I'm not drinking I am drifting from job to job or town to town aimlessly. It's hard to feel free unless there is somewhere to go. Even if the best option is another dead end town and dead end job where all the good was sucked out years ago.

Also the reason I'm saying that I'm not an addict is because I am not an addict. It's not fair to keep assuming I'm being secretive and hiding my drinking or being delusional. An addiction destroys a life. I don't have a life to destroy.

Hawkeye13

Not having a life was the very definition of addiction for me—I had contracted so much it was just work and drink at one point.

Dee74

No one here ever said gee I wish I'd drank for a few years more, Burra.

Can both those things be true Burra?

I'm not going to argue semantics with you, man.
Its one of those things - do I drink because I have no life or have I no life because I'm drinking.?

Does it matter?
You won't get a life to live until you stop drinking

Burra

That has been the last several years. Nothing to do but work. At one point I would get smashed every evening. Recently having a job at has least helped to tone down drinking or even eliminate it for several days. Without one I'll just be drunk for weeks.

Oh god Dee. What's the point of asking that? Get me on my knees hollering to jesus? My life was out of control before I turned to drink. It never "became" unmanageable. The routine of drinking made it manageable. That's why I drank so hard. Don't you get it? I triedto become an alcoholic!

In the last 2 years I tried getting help. It was pointless because I didn't have any desire to be sober in the future, because I have never had a future. So how can you design something for a time period which doesn't exist.

Feel free to split hairs with me on this. I find it insightful to see how more misguided I can get.

Dee74

I’m not trying to convert you to Jesus, trick you or coerce you to do or believe anything Burra.

I guess the point was to point out some cognitive dissonance there In your post…not because I’m being smug or condescending but because I’ve been there too.

Drinking was my universal fix - for everything that ailed me. It worked for a few years and then it didn’t for the next 15.I had a mess of problems and my go to for them all was drinking and/or drugs.

I was finally convinced that I’d die the way I was drinking, and stopped in 07.

When I stopped drinking, it had been so long I actually outgrew some of my problems, but still had a few of the ones I started with, plus some I’d picked up on the way.

Not being able to drink or drug anymore I started to deal with things. I’d never done that before really, and I was 40.

I found I was actually more capable than I knew.

But was I scared. Yep terrified.
A drinking life was all I could remember going back.

I thought a sober life would be grey and sad and joyless - but it’s been the opposite.

To me it’s worth the leap of faith man

D

Hodd

I had no life as a drinker, Burra, and I reckon that applies to most people here. Things just somehow worked out better when I quit. OK, your life doesn’t sound great right now, but you have the power to change that. You’ll definitely get more positive after a decent spell of sober time. If study is too lonely, you can try other stuff, you know?