Lost a pet yesterday
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 237
Lost a pet yesterday
Lost my cat yesterday, had her 16 years. Sounds dumb but I don't have a lot of friends or family, so big loss for me. Trying not to drink this weekend but honestly I don't know if I can be strong enough. I kind of feel like what difference does it make. Like even aside from this, who cares.
I managed yesterday and today by staying out as much as I could. But I have to be home some time. Sitting here it's been an hour since I got home and I just can't bear how bad I feel
Pretty pathetic. Sorry for being such an Eeyore, just trying to put it out somewhere.
ETA I feel bad posting here bc I'm probably just going to go buy beer and I know everyone is working hard here. I'm sorry if it's disrespectful.
I managed yesterday and today by staying out as much as I could. But I have to be home some time. Sitting here it's been an hour since I got home and I just can't bear how bad I feel
Pretty pathetic. Sorry for being such an Eeyore, just trying to put it out somewhere.
ETA I feel bad posting here bc I'm probably just going to go buy beer and I know everyone is working hard here. I'm sorry if it's disrespectful.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,760
Honor your beloved cat by staying sober. 
Drinking won't bring her back and will just make you feel worse. 
Please don't give in and drink.
Another way to honor your beloved cat is to adopt another cat who needs a loving home. Do that to give another cat the same good life you gave your cat who you just lost.
Drinking won't bring her back and will just make you feel worse. 
Please don't give in and drink. Another way to honor your beloved cat is to adopt another cat who needs a loving home. Do that to give another cat the same good life you gave your cat who you just lost.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,544
I'm sorry itsmaria. My son just lost his cat of 18 years. Called me from the vet in tears. It was a big loss.
All you have now are the memories, so hold them dear.
And you CAN get through this sober. And no way are you being disrespectful.
Remembering things sober is difficult, but it's real and with substance. Way to go itsmaria.
All you have now are the memories, so hold them dear.
And you CAN get through this sober. And no way are you being disrespectful.
Remembering things sober is difficult, but it's real and with substance. Way to go itsmaria.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,366
100% on what least said.
Are you on social media at all? You can make an obituary for her and share it online.
Start scanning shelters online and see if there’s someone who needs a home.
I’m so sorry. I know how painful it is.
Are you on social media at all? You can make an obituary for her and share it online.
Start scanning shelters online and see if there’s someone who needs a home.
I’m so sorry. I know how painful it is.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,499
Grieving over the loss of a furry friend is not pathetic! I'm so sorry for your loss.
In your post, you minimise yourself a few times. The person who matters here and who makes the difference is you. You know you want to stop drinking, and you know it's for yourself. Otherwise, I'm guessing you wouldn't be posting here.
You are important, and worth staying sober for. Your feelings for your beloved cat are important. You are safe expressing your feelings here. You are not pathetic, you are worthy and valued. You are working just as hard as everyone else here, to navigate life and sobriety and all of it.
I once had a friend who had a huge breakthrough when she imagined giving herself the love she had for her own child. In her mind's eye, she held herself as lovingly as she held her child. The love you had for your beautiful cat, well, give some of it to yourself. Imagine you are your own parent or older sister, give yourself a gentle and loving little talk. Tell yourself it's okay to grieve and be sad, tell yourself you've suffered a big loss and it's okay to acknowledge that. Remind yourself how much you love yourself and from that place of love, you're not going to allow this sadness to derail your sobriety.
In your post, you minimise yourself a few times. The person who matters here and who makes the difference is you. You know you want to stop drinking, and you know it's for yourself. Otherwise, I'm guessing you wouldn't be posting here.
You are important, and worth staying sober for. Your feelings for your beloved cat are important. You are safe expressing your feelings here. You are not pathetic, you are worthy and valued. You are working just as hard as everyone else here, to navigate life and sobriety and all of it.
I once had a friend who had a huge breakthrough when she imagined giving herself the love she had for her own child. In her mind's eye, she held herself as lovingly as she held her child. The love you had for your beautiful cat, well, give some of it to yourself. Imagine you are your own parent or older sister, give yourself a gentle and loving little talk. Tell yourself it's okay to grieve and be sad, tell yourself you've suffered a big loss and it's okay to acknowledge that. Remind yourself how much you love yourself and from that place of love, you're not going to allow this sadness to derail your sobriety.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,383
Hi itsamaria
I've lost pets too - its very painful. What makes the pain worse for me is that everytime I lost a pet I got roaring stinking drunk.
I regret that now.
Someone said, I don;'t remember who - be the person your pet thinks you are. I think now is a day to do that.
We drink to deal with grief but all drinking does is push the pain to one side, if we're lucky.
Drink on grief just makes the grief last longer and you need more and more booze to deal with it as the grief grows.
We're meant to feel sad, then feel a little better as we process the loss.
Don't fall for the trap.
D
I've lost pets too - its very painful. What makes the pain worse for me is that everytime I lost a pet I got roaring stinking drunk.
I regret that now.
Someone said, I don;'t remember who - be the person your pet thinks you are. I think now is a day to do that.
We drink to deal with grief but all drinking does is push the pain to one side, if we're lucky.
Drink on grief just makes the grief last longer and you need more and more booze to deal with it as the grief grows.
We're meant to feel sad, then feel a little better as we process the loss.
Don't fall for the trap.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 237
Thanks. A lot of very kind thoughts here, trying to take it in.
I have a list of things to do when I get the urge to drink and reading/writing here is one, it really helps me. Had a moment there where I almost lost it before I posted. I appreciate the kindness.
I feel awful inside but I know if I drink I will still feel awful so I'm trying to choose the healthier path. It's just tough, hour by hour I guess.
I think this has been building up for a while, hasnt been a great few months.
I have a list of things to do when I get the urge to drink and reading/writing here is one, it really helps me. Had a moment there where I almost lost it before I posted. I appreciate the kindness.
I feel awful inside but I know if I drink I will still feel awful so I'm trying to choose the healthier path. It's just tough, hour by hour I guess.
I think this has been building up for a while, hasnt been a great few months.
Member
Join Date: May 2021
Location: England
Posts: 1,849
So sorry for your loss itsmaria - I have lost cats before and I know how devastating it is - but yes as others have said - honour your furbaby by staying sober - she would want the best for you, because she saw the best in you. Now is a good time to stop drinking.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,536
itsmaria - It certainly is not dumb to grieve a beloved pet. Most of us have been there & it hurts very deeply. They are with us through all life's ups & downs - always our steadfast friends. I hope you'll remember that drinking just postpones the sadness for a while - and when we sober up we are so disgusted with ourselves, adding to the pain of our loss. Your dear friend would not ever want that for you.
Glad you posted. We care.
Glad you posted. We care.
01-14-2019
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,217
I’ve lost my beloved cats before sobriety and I drank and cried and never really healed. You numb it out but eventually as you drink, you return to the sadness which is now amplified by the drinking. The hurt stays longer and the healing is postponed. I lost my 16 year old darling while drinking. Then my 14 year old and then another 14 year old. Last year I was sober close to two years and we had the agonizing decision to put down our two year old day after thanksgiving, due to her eating foam and finding out she had a surprise major medical issue that was likely to result in death even with surgery. I even posted on here for support. I also don’t have any really close friends. I do have a husband who is supportive but not really any close friends.
Now….I’m telling you I stayed sober, and I grieved and it was heartbreaking, but I felt better and more normal sooner than when I used to drag it out with drinking. Unfortunately I also got slammed with some emotions of my other cats I don’t think I processed well due to drinking. I felt the grieving process went a lot better sober. I was sad, I was hurting but I was able to heal and not get stuck in that grief and I believe, for me, it was because I was sober. We still have to deal with the negative things life throws at us, but it’s easier without the booze.
As a fellow cat owner I feel your pain and you have my condolences 💐
Now….I’m telling you I stayed sober, and I grieved and it was heartbreaking, but I felt better and more normal sooner than when I used to drag it out with drinking. Unfortunately I also got slammed with some emotions of my other cats I don’t think I processed well due to drinking. I felt the grieving process went a lot better sober. I was sad, I was hurting but I was able to heal and not get stuck in that grief and I believe, for me, it was because I was sober. We still have to deal with the negative things life throws at us, but it’s easier without the booze.
As a fellow cat owner I feel your pain and you have my condolences 💐
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Europe
Posts: 440
maria, it's not pathetic at all. I loved my favorite pet, which was a dog. I gave him his last meal, his favorite, before I watched his eyes roll back, felt his pulse - I watched him die.
Our cat, who was both blind and deaf - we thought we'd lost him, but he came back after three months, evidently surviving in the forest nearby somehow. The dog I mentioned, was usually very aggressive towards cats, but not him as they've lived together for years. As soon as the cat came back, our dog pretty much confirmed it was Tim, as we called him, and my dog was not aggressive towards that particular cat. He already knew him.
I cried when our cat died, but didn't when my dog died, and I wonder why... it bothers me actually.
I'm sorry for your loss Maria. A cat or a dog - they may become as much as a friend as a human really.
I vividly remember we got our dog outside of the plaza when I was 12 years old. I vividly remember being on his deathbed. I'm almost convinced cats have some sort of sixth sense. Deaf and blind, and we found him walking towards our house after 3 months staying in a forest.
Our cat, who was both blind and deaf - we thought we'd lost him, but he came back after three months, evidently surviving in the forest nearby somehow. The dog I mentioned, was usually very aggressive towards cats, but not him as they've lived together for years. As soon as the cat came back, our dog pretty much confirmed it was Tim, as we called him, and my dog was not aggressive towards that particular cat. He already knew him.
I cried when our cat died, but didn't when my dog died, and I wonder why... it bothers me actually.
I'm sorry for your loss Maria. A cat or a dog - they may become as much as a friend as a human really.
I vividly remember we got our dog outside of the plaza when I was 12 years old. I vividly remember being on his deathbed. I'm almost convinced cats have some sort of sixth sense. Deaf and blind, and we found him walking towards our house after 3 months staying in a forest.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Oh Maria, I'm so very sorry for the loss of your beloved cat. I know that you can honour your cat's life by feeling the loss and grieving. And, at some point, you'll be surprised to find yourself smiling when you think of your cat and remembering all the good memories.
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,644
itsmaria, so sorry for the loss of your dear cat. They’re such good friends and companions to us it’s heartbreaking and hard to bear. Grieving sober will help you more than suppressing it with booze.
I love what Dee wrote Someone said, I don;'t remember who - be the person your pet thinks you are. I think now is a day to do that
Sending hugs and love to you itsmaria xx xx
They’re such good friends and companions to us it’s heartbreaking and hard to bear. Grieving sober will help you more than suppressing it with booze. I love what Dee wrote Someone said, I don;'t remember who - be the person your pet thinks you are. I think now is a day to do that
Sending hugs and love to you itsmaria xx
xx Member
Join Date: Apr 2021
Posts: 522
I'm sorry for your loss. It's hard losing those we love.
16 years is a long time to love then lose.
I'm sure you gave your cat a good life.
My sister takes in old abandoned cats from the local shelter. They have often been strays for a long time.
She knows they won't live long. The last one had kidney problems, had lost an eye, probably in a fight and he only lived 10 months after she got him. He was very old, very loving and grateful having a home again.
She grieves every one when they pass.
Be glad you gave your cat a loving home for 16 years. Lots are not that lucky.
16 years is a long time to love then lose.
I'm sure you gave your cat a good life.
My sister takes in old abandoned cats from the local shelter. They have often been strays for a long time.
She knows they won't live long. The last one had kidney problems, had lost an eye, probably in a fight and he only lived 10 months after she got him. He was very old, very loving and grateful having a home again.
She grieves every one when they pass.
Be glad you gave your cat a loving home for 16 years. Lots are not that lucky.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
Our pets truly become family! I'm sorry for the loss of your precious kitty. I agree, honor her by staying sober! And while she can't be replaced, in time once you have had a chance to heal perhaps adopt another cat that needs a loving family?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 237
Made it through yesterday. Seems like another loooong day today. Afternoon, like once 3pm hits, is a difficult time for me in terms of wanting to drink.
It's like I don't want to, but I don't want to be sober either. Trying to get through.
@Jupiter11 that is neat about your sister.
I think it's too soon for me. I actually had two cats, from the same litter, and one died just before covid aged 14. Then my little cat Monkey this week at 16. Maybe with time.
It's like I don't want to, but I don't want to be sober either. Trying to get through.
@Jupiter11 that is neat about your sister.
I think it's too soon for me. I actually had two cats, from the same litter, and one died just before covid aged 14. Then my little cat Monkey this week at 16. Maybe with time.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,236
I never had pets growing up and really never wanted
any until after I got into recovery and the opportunity
presented itself.
With several yrs sober and relocating to a new state,
my husband ran it by myself and 2 kids that someone
at his work was giving away kittens. With prayer and
sobriety, I made the leap and we inherited 2 cute little
kittens that were brothers and we named them Lucky
and Gus.
Well, my 2 fur babies stayed in my care long after my
kids went off to college and I relocated back to my home
state until they passed on to Rainbow Bridge several
or so yrs back.
They brought so much joy to me and taught me lots
in recovery too and feel blessed to have had them
in my sober lifetime.
They will always be remembered as gifts in recovery.
Continue to work on your own recovery life and
there will be recovery gifts waiting for you to enjoy
like many of us already have.
any until after I got into recovery and the opportunity
presented itself.
With several yrs sober and relocating to a new state,
my husband ran it by myself and 2 kids that someone
at his work was giving away kittens. With prayer and
sobriety, I made the leap and we inherited 2 cute little
kittens that were brothers and we named them Lucky
and Gus.
Well, my 2 fur babies stayed in my care long after my
kids went off to college and I relocated back to my home
state until they passed on to Rainbow Bridge several
or so yrs back.
They brought so much joy to me and taught me lots
in recovery too and feel blessed to have had them
in my sober lifetime.
They will always be remembered as gifts in recovery.
Continue to work on your own recovery life and
there will be recovery gifts waiting for you to enjoy
like many of us already have.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,760
It takes a while to get thru the stages of grief, but with time, the pain won't be so sharp. But after some time has passed, honor Monkey by giving the same good life to another cat or two who need a loving home. The heart has room for all it loves. Our hearts can always make room for more.
Our hearts can always make room for more. 01-14-2019
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,217
Originally Posted by itsmaria 
Made it through yesterday. Seems like another loooong day today. Afternoon, like once 3pm hits, is a difficult time for me in terms of wanting to drink.
It's like I don't want to, but I don't want to be sober either. Trying to get through.
@Jupiter11 that is neat about your sister.
I think it's too soon for me. I actually had two cats, from the same litter, and one died just before covid aged 14. Then my little cat Monkey this week at 16. Maybe with time.
It's like I don't want to, but I don't want to be sober either. Trying to get through.
@Jupiter11 that is neat about your sister.
I think it's too soon for me. I actually had two cats, from the same litter, and one died just before covid aged 14. Then my little cat Monkey this week at 16. Maybe with time.
When I lost my girl last year - some of those feelings I didn't process came up. I'm better now. So what did I do after the grief started to lift this time? I adopted 2 baby brothers from a shelter. They are about 7 months old. I just wanted to have a pair and they play alot. Lots of love. It's the bad part of pet ownership but saving them and loving them is always worth it.
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