Surrendered19

Hi John. I humbly suggest you are looking at the results of your medical tests in the wrong way. Nobody goes from having absolutely no organ damage to having cirrhosis or other damage overnight. Those conditions are not binary. They are a progression. The medical results you obtained are only telling you that you haven't ****** your body up permanently yet. But trust me, you are on your way if you drink in any sort of unusual way.

Don't fret over sharing in this post. All of your feelings are legitimate - good and bad - and all of us on here walk in your shoes John.

If I were you I would talk to your doc about some sort of low-dose anti-depressant. A doc, with the right bit of chemistry and science, can really get your head in a better place. Some of these things are physical John and not your fault at all. Talk to a doc and see what the possibilities are.

2muchpain

I take prozac and vistiril for anxiety. I believe things could be much worse without those meds. John

least

How goes it, John?

2muchpain

Doing pretty good. Hard to get any motivation to do anything right now. Would rather just stay home and do nothing, but I know that's not good. Will put in some time at the gym today. Been through this mood before. Just gotta work my way out of it. It eventually passes so gotta be patient. Hope you are doing well. John

VikingGF

John, have you thought of volunteering at an animal shelter or counsel on aging? Sometimes the best way out of our own misery is to relieve the misery of others.

2muchpain

I am still working a few days a week as a substitute teacher. Besides the extra cash, I feel I am helping teachers out when they need someone to cover their classes. With covid, there are fewer subs, so they are very appreciative when I cover a class. Occasionally a student will share something they are going through and I can offer some advice. Had a student a few weeks ago talk about all the losses she has had to go through recently. Guess she needed someone to share this with. Another student was all stressed out over her tight schedule and disappointment on not making the Honor Roll. Hopefully my talking to her helped her some. Very rewarding when those things happen. I do plan on volunteering at an animal shelter and get my own rescue dog when I'm done working in a few years. Looking forward to that. John

Hawkeye13

It sounds like you are really helping in many ways with your substitute teaching. I want to encourage you to follow-up on the animal rescue volunteer work and getting a rescue dog of your own.

I think my two dogs are the key to keeping me sane, sober and on the planet sometimes. They love without judgement, always want to be with you, and keep you grounded in Life and Love.

Sending you good wishes and I hope you get through the tough time sooner then later John—

2muchpain

I just wish somebody would call me to say hi and see how I'm doing. Sounds pathetic, but that's where I am. I have heard of people that will actually come up with a problem to go to an ER just to be around people and to get some attention. John

doggonecarl

Why don't you pick up the phone and see how someone is doing? They might be feeling the same way as you.

fishkiller

Nothing wrong with wanting interaction and having people that reach out to you.
I am not one to reach out myself. Hardly ever call and check on anyone but do enjoy when I receive a call. I need to work on that.
Try reaching out like Carl said.
It may start a habit of yall checking on each other.

Good work with the kids. They need folks like you to guide them sometimes.

2muchpain

First you have to have somebody to call. I would be happy to call a friend, but I have no friends. I've tried calling my brother, but I always get his voice mail and he never calls back. He hasn't called me ever. I will try to think of somebody. John

Hawkeye13

I was thinking that if you don’t mind being out among people in light of Covid etc., that one great place to meet and engage people is by volunteering at your local shelter and / or helping group that might be offering a free Thanksgiving meal this coming weekend.

It is a short-term commitment and you may find some people you can continue to see / work with on other projects if you find value and connection.

I don’t have such an option locally, but several friends who live elsewhere do this and say they really enjoy helping out and meeting new people in this way. . .

Triggered

I realised a lot when the fog lifted...I've just been sober for a matter of weeks but even now I find so much more room in my mind for positive things. I find that there were things I hadnt even contemplated when I was in the routine of drinking. I wont say there arent things that still bug me, but I seem to have a clearer mind to deal with them. I would have to deal with remorse and bouts of depression during my drinking, I'm assuming it was because subconsciously I knew I wasnt living the life that I should. Maybe your mood could improve too.

MissPerfumado

Hi John, the lonely part of being alone sucks. I like my solitude a lot. But I feel I am in a different place from you, as I do have relationships with loved ones and family (a handful) and although they are very low maintenance, they are there and nourish me sufficiently. I think if I felt entirely alone, it would hurt me greatly too.

I tried to put myself in your shoes and think how I would try to make connections with people. I am very introverted so it doesn't come easy to me. I remembered I have made strong connections in the last couple of years with different people through the Internet, mainly through my passions.

The emphasis here is on passion. For example, a few years ago, I was not content with how things are done in my professional sphere, so I searched the Internet for like-minded people. I found several and I contacted a few of them.

These are not high-powered people with lots of fancy degrees and titles, these are just ordinary people working away, most in small businesses or by themselves, pursuing their passion in one way or another (coaching, mentoring, blogging, podcasting, servicing clients and customers in a different, kinder way).

I'm currently doing an online course with a few of them and we connect for 2 hours every week, and it's lovely. Many of us have felt very lonely in our jobs because we work with people who simply want to do things the way they have always been done, with no thought for how damaging this can be to our communities and customers. One lady said during the first class ... I have found my tribe! She had been feeling lonely too.

I have gone into all this detail because you mentioned how well you are able to connect with the children you teach. You are obviously a very experienced and passionate teacher. I wonder if there are any particular people in your field who offer courses or have convened groups with similar ideas you could tap into. Somewhere where you can be yourself, express yourself naturally, no need to present any particular persona. You don't have to set out to change the world dramatically, it's a way to give other people and yourself encouragement that in our own little ways we can make a difference.

For a similar reason, the animal shelter volunteer work is a wonderful idea. I wonder if you could start volunteering to be a foster carer for a pet immediately.

It made me feel sad to read how lonely you are. Especially as you are clearly very kind and sensitive and have a lot to offer people. Maybe your brother and others around you don't realise this, but it's big world and I hope you can find your family, tribe, or however you want to express it, out there.

2muchpain

Frankly, I'm pretty fed up with this all alone thing. Volunteering in my area is a joke. All they want is either a donation or adopt a pet. Senior centers are closed due to covid. Meeting people at AA was another joke. I'm sick and tired of working my butt off and getting nowhere. The bottom line is people just don't care about people like me. Facter in my age, and I'm pretty much toast. I'm not the kind of person that gives up on anything easily, but enough is enough. This is beyond painful. Enough said. John

Dee74

I'm sorry you feel that way John.
You're a part of the SR family and we care about you

I'm sorry that none of our suggestions are useful to you though.
I'm wondering where you live that volunteering is either donations or adopt a pet. (no need to tell me - it must be a big city)

Do you think you might be depressed? Could seeing a doctor or therapist help?.

I don't believe you're 'toast' and I hope you come to see that you're not as well

D

VikingGF

Sorry you're having a rough go of it, John.

Much like, SR, there are lots of options for common interest groups out there, maybe shop around a bit? I know this is a very unorthodox suggestion, my apologies if this needs to be moderated.

I'd just like to help this nice guy.

Triggered

You say you were/are a teacher John? There are many platforms to volunteer as an online mentor...maybe that might be of interest to you. Just type 'online mentoring volunteering' into google. I'm sure you could find your purpose.

least

How are you doing today John?

2muchpain

ss
Actually it is the opposite. I live in a small town with a bunch of small towns around me. Not much need for volunteers. John