Gabe1980

Thank you both.

Feeling hellish today. Floods of tears. Disgusted with myself and really jittery/panicky.

Also feel weirdly relieved. I have just given up everything and I'm starting over.

My sister suggested the same, so she is going to go over. Family are being really supportive xx

VikingGF

Gabe! So good to see you- what a strong and positive choice you have made. Good on you- I'll be thinking of you.

Triggered

That's because youre not the same as anyone on here...you're an individual as we all are.

And at the end of the day were just a bunch of individuals with a common cause but we have enough empathy for others in the same situation to realise that when you progress, we all do together.

You should embrace your individuality and share it with us, because we're all doing the same

Mizz

It took me over 10 years to get 13 months of sobriety, Gabe.
I started the sober journey and then discovered that sobriety was not linear for me. Its OKAY that there has been a struggle. The point is that you keep coming back to the truth and you keep trying. I am very happy for you. I know you cant see the happiness and smooth waters ahead but they are there. You are making such a powerful statement to yourself and to others. I believe in you! You are amazing, Gabe. Be proud of you!

Hawkeye13

I also have been working at quitting entirely for decades. You are not alone in your struggle, but getting to the surrender step is significant progress.

I know how it feels to alienate your spouse with drinking. My husband very nearly divorced me over it years ago, but healing can happen. For yourself and your family

Polaroid

Gabe, I'm not sure how i works in the UK, but stay as long as possible, up to maybe 6 months.

And trust me, I know it is scary - but why should it be? You'll be amongst fellow addicts (whatever their choice of drug is), and likely you'll have a lot in common. I've been more social at rehab than anywhere else (I have social anxiety).

Is it an open or closed facility? I hated closed ones, felt like a prisoner, as I couldn't physically go out without a staff member. That one time one time I was at one, I just signed myself out, ending up staying on a boat - after buying vodka. Doesn't work if you feel imprisoned.

The more merciful open facilities though, there was freedom in a true sense. Except for maybe one place that had very strict rules, especially the clause of "You're not allowed to keep mobile phones or computers in your room - If you want to make a call, do that between X and Y". In hindsight, maybe I do need to break from the net, which one might argue is one addiction. Also, it would strengthen my social comfort, as staying alone with no computer would certainly make me go nuts, and I would have to be social, not to.

When I left that place, the same day I got admitted after reading the rules, I tried to be coy by leaving as noiseless as possible. However, there were too many people there (100+ patients, in addition to the staff). One of the patients caught me on my way out to the bus station, and he gave me a positive re-enforcement. I was too busy while talking to him thinking, "am I going to miss my bus?" - nothing really sank in.

Gabe, do it the hard way - Feel the fear, do it anyways. Kill the fear. You'll probably in no less than maximum two weeks realize you made the right choice. Every day starting out is hard, I was basically a wreck every time I entered rehab. But after approx a week, I'd feel better and see the reality of the situation - Why am I scared? Every fellow patient has a basic understand on how addiction works. I've lost count on how many friends I made at rehab.

Obladi

I don't know, Polaroid. I did just about every form of recovery program available to me over the course of my ten year (or whatever) quit. The final one was rehab (again) followed by living in a sober home (for the first time). So I guess that was a combination of locked and open? I think it's kind of flippant to say, "it doesn't work." What didn't work for me for the longest time was myself I didn't enjoy losing my freedom in either of those facilities, but it took what it took. You know?

Gabe, I know today and tonight are likely to be continued hellish. The pacing, jitters, restlessness to the extreme - ugh. Keep posting. I'm really glad that you are being open to suggestions and being nurtured by your family. It is a huge relief to finally let go, isn't it?

Sure you feel like crap, but this is the beginning!

Gabe1980

It's a open place I think. A private treatment place for 28 days, with an intensive program. They do all kinds of different learning and activities, therapy, groups. It looks really good.

I am going to do absolutely everything they recommend. Put my heart and soul into it and do the work. It's an opportunity to change. To think about only this xx

venuscat

I truly think this is going to be the best thing you ever do for yourself honey. s ❤️

Gabe1980

Thank you ❤️❤️

venuscat

I can only imagine what my life would have looked like if I had the courage to go to rehab at your age. I wanted to, so much.
I used Venus as an excuse, and I had no money, but I am betting my family would have helped me. I just never had the courage to take this step.

And I kept drinking for 10 more years.

This is a brave and wise thing to do, and yes, I know it is scary, but as soon as you walk through the door on Monday, I feel sure the anxiety will melt away. s xx

Polaroid

Right, it really depends on the individual on what works. One may be agoraphobic, one might be claustrophobic. That's just an example, and there's a large scale of whatever order or disorder that make part of us, which make each of us unique.

Flippant or not, feeling you're imprisoned doesn't work. The term 'imprisoned' may be interpreted differently by each individual. They may feel imprisoned, even though they really are not, in the legal sense of the term.

The worst place I stayed at was, I was admitted by force as a result of an overdose (not alcohol). It was a long time ago, and it's actually a drug proven to work against depression (an exception from those crappy SSRI/SRNIs). Now, I bought that on the street, and if I had actually been prescribed that, I wouldn't have ODed. The police came by and I may have accidentally said something about harming myself. The first and only time I was actually handcuffed, sent to a locked mental institution.

I'm not mental, just sad. Rehab, when you (... & you have to Gabe) follow through, does work.

Hevyn

Thoughts are with you, Gabe. Excited for you - things are going to turn around.

Obladi

Hey Gabe, how are you doing today?

Gabe1980

Okay, thanks 😊 going to get the last of my stuff and some shopping to take xx

Mizz

Gabe!

Gabe1980

xxx

silentrun

It would be a huge burden lifted off of you to escape this cycle of self abuse you find yourself in. Relief is a really promising sign.

BeABetterMan

You have all of us behind you. Great decision Gabe.

nez

We are all with you Gabe!!! I am so glad and happy for you!