So sick and tired
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 176
So sick and tired
I have struggled with alcohol for many years. I'm a binge drinker and it's reached the point of severe. I could list many experiences within the last 6 months that have caused me devastation from drinking but as of now I still have my job. I'm not sure how long it will be before everything comes crashing down but I'm hoping and praying for a miracle. I really can't drink at all. It's been this way for years now. I can't predict how much I will drink. This past Friday, I went to dinner with friends and drank 4 beers with them. I don't drink liquor at all because I wouldn't still be alive if I did! Anyway, those 4 beers was all it took. I picked up a 6 pack on the way home and chugged those. When I woke up, I got more beers so I wouldn't feel bad and drank all day long. I did the same thing on Sunday. Today, I went in to work and was only there 30 minutes before I got so nauseous and weak I couldn't make it! I said I was sick and left. I was so sick all day! Major nausea and acid reflux. Bought more beers to stop the fast heartbeat and am praying I will feel well enough to work tomorrow. I can't miss work or I will lose my job. They need me there! I'm desperate to stop. I can go maybe 2 weeks at most without drinking and then do it all over again. Lately it's most weekends. I've had a lot to deal with in life lately and it's made my drinking even worse. 
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Welcome back Katlyne 
Its clear something needs to change - and the more support you have to help you stick with those changes the better.
Have you tried things in the past like AA or a secular approach like SMART Recovery?
D
Its clear something needs to change - and the more support you have to help you stick with those changes the better.
Have you tried things in the past like AA or a secular approach like SMART Recovery?
D
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,335
Kaylyne, welcome. You will find lots of support here. We understand you.
Desktop works best on cell phones
There is a November class in Newcomers Forums, and many stories to read fro others here who no longer struggle as much as we do in the beginning.
You CAN do it!
Desktop works best on cell phones
There is a November class in Newcomers Forums, and many stories to read fro others here who no longer struggle as much as we do in the beginning.
You CAN do it!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
The November thread is here
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...art-1-a-7.html
All you need to do to join is post in it
D
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...art-1-a-7.html
All you need to do to join is post in it
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London, England
Posts: 7,057
Oh Katlyne you are in a pickle, my heart goes out to you. Stressed about drinking, so drinking to deal with the stress. Stressed about not being able to work because of the hangovers so drinking to deal with that. The endless cycle of addiction leaving you literally sick, tired and lost
I too searched for a miracle for a long time. I thought something would happen to help me get sober, it never came. Things just kept getting worse until drinking vodka 24 -7 was my norm.
The miracle I was looking for all along was my resolve to stop and putting up the fight of my life.
We are the only ones that can do it for ourselves. We put the alcohol in our bodies and only we can stop that. One drink will never be enough so moderation is out.
Stay here and get support. Read and learn. Lean on us.
I too searched for a miracle for a long time. I thought something would happen to help me get sober, it never came. Things just kept getting worse until drinking vodka 24 -7 was my norm.
The miracle I was looking for all along was my resolve to stop and putting up the fight of my life.
We are the only ones that can do it for ourselves. We put the alcohol in our bodies and only we can stop that. One drink will never be enough so moderation is out.
Stay here and get support. Read and learn. Lean on us.
Seeking wisdom
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 259
Katlyn, me too. I can relate to everything you are saying....its so hard
Just know I feel the same way. Work was my life, I loved all of it, I think they knew the whole time.
We have to find a better life, we deserve it, we are worth it..... SR will help you a lot, stay with us, we will help you.
Just know I feel the same way. Work was my life, I loved all of it, I think they knew the whole time.
We have to find a better life, we deserve it, we are worth it..... SR will help you a lot, stay with us, we will help you.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2020
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 243
We have all been there. And some of us still are. What is triggering you to drink when you make it to 2 weeks?
If it’s friends you might have to get new friends or just not see them for awhile. I relapsed going to old haunts and just finally said I just can’t go there anymore.
If it’s friends you might have to get new friends or just not see them for awhile. I relapsed going to old haunts and just finally said I just can’t go there anymore.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2021
Posts: 411
Hi Katlyne...welcome to SR...you've come to the right place
It's so tough to be trapped in the cycle you're in right now. Alcohol is the start and end of that cycle and it's the focus point in your thoughts and actions. Many of us here including myself were in the exact same trap and it's tough to find a way out. For me, I had to change my focus point and replace it with something more robust and sustainable. I replaced it for a need for a better life and relationships and a future that I could dare to look forward to. To achieve that I need a desire to do whatever it takes to make that happen.
I'm looking for a miracle too but maybe not in the way you see it. Following posters on here you can see miracles working every day and those it happens to maybe dont even realise it. Those kind of miracles dont just fall in your lap. You need to prepare the way and work hard to make it happen. It sounds difficult and maybe it is but for me so far, the journey has been enlightening and rewarding. I now see alcohol as the bully you finally got even with after years of torment. Dont let it consume you any more...enough is enough. You can do it.
It's so tough to be trapped in the cycle you're in right now. Alcohol is the start and end of that cycle and it's the focus point in your thoughts and actions. Many of us here including myself were in the exact same trap and it's tough to find a way out. For me, I had to change my focus point and replace it with something more robust and sustainable. I replaced it for a need for a better life and relationships and a future that I could dare to look forward to. To achieve that I need a desire to do whatever it takes to make that happen.
I'm looking for a miracle too but maybe not in the way you see it. Following posters on here you can see miracles working every day and those it happens to maybe dont even realise it. Those kind of miracles dont just fall in your lap. You need to prepare the way and work hard to make it happen. It sounds difficult and maybe it is but for me so far, the journey has been enlightening and rewarding. I now see alcohol as the bully you finally got even with after years of torment. Dont let it consume you any more...enough is enough. You can do it.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 1,068
Originally Posted by Katlyne 
I've had a lot to deal with in life lately and it's made my drinking even worse.
I've had a lot to drink lately and it's made my life even worse.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,236
Research all options to achieve continuous sobriety
in recovery and put an end to your addiction. There
are many avenues to take and everyone finds what
works for them.
My journey into recovery began with family placing
me into the hands of those capable and knowledgeable
to teach me about my addiction and a program of recovery
that I could use as a guideline to living a life free from it.
My rehab stay was for 28 days with a 6 week aftercare
program of listening, learning, absorbing and applying
this knowledge to help me achieve health, happiness,
honesty and continuous sobriety for 31 yrs.
It's not a race, but a journey in life making changes
to become the best, healthiest person you can be not
only for yourself but to others around you.
No one can make you get sober and remain sober
but you with the help and support of others who have
been there done the same similar things as you.
This way, you know that you are not alone or ever
have to be alone in your quest to achieve sobriety
and many of life's rewarding gifts to enjoy each day
with a renewed sense of hope and peace.
in recovery and put an end to your addiction. There
are many avenues to take and everyone finds what
works for them.
My journey into recovery began with family placing
me into the hands of those capable and knowledgeable
to teach me about my addiction and a program of recovery
that I could use as a guideline to living a life free from it.
My rehab stay was for 28 days with a 6 week aftercare
program of listening, learning, absorbing and applying
this knowledge to help me achieve health, happiness,
honesty and continuous sobriety for 31 yrs.
It's not a race, but a journey in life making changes
to become the best, healthiest person you can be not
only for yourself but to others around you.
No one can make you get sober and remain sober
but you with the help and support of others who have
been there done the same similar things as you.
This way, you know that you are not alone or ever
have to be alone in your quest to achieve sobriety
and many of life's rewarding gifts to enjoy each day
with a renewed sense of hope and peace.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 176
Thank you everyone! I appreciate all the responses. Dee I have tried AA but I didn't stick with it. Today is going to be utter hell for me. I took a shower and am getting ready for work. I have no choice as I called in yesterday. They are probably suspicious because when I do call in, it tends to be on Mondays. I fell asleep around 10 pm last night and woke up with a fast heartbeat and anxiety at 12:30. Chugged 2 beers to make it stop and went back to sleep but woke every hour. I'm shaky and nauseous. Plus I've chain smoked since Friday and I'm not supposed to smoke. I was told I have copd 3 years ago. I only smoke when I drink. I'm just praying the God can get me through this day without severe anxiety and the weak feeling I had yesterday. Thanks to you all for listening.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,162
You sound seriously ill. I'm not judging that by your hangover at the moment, but by the way you drink. You need to quit. No more alcohol ever, not on those bad days when you need to escape, not on the good days when you need to celebrate, and not on those days when you feel like you can handle just one.
I'm not pushing AA, but why didn't you stick with it? I think this is important, because whatever method of recovery you use, you need to stick with it. Recovery is an "all in" type behavior. You cannot cheat, not because it's a rule. It's because cheating is not recovery. It's just continuing doing what you already do, and just look at where you are in life right now. This has to change. The only alternative to changing is remaining where you are now. It's binary; You only have two choices. There is not a third way out of this.
Start by fighting the cravings to drink. Avoid risk situations. Don't go out with your drinking friends on Friday. When you start to crave, try to distract yourself. Yes, this is hard, and if you had to do it for the rest of your life, it would be Hell, but after a few days of craving, it will start to become manageable, and it keeps getting better and easier. One drink won't take the edge off either. It just cancels out any progress you have made.
Hang out here and participate. Learn how others have done it. I drank for 30 years. I've been sober for 25, and I can't tell you how much better life is without any alcohol, not one drop.
I'm not pushing AA, but why didn't you stick with it? I think this is important, because whatever method of recovery you use, you need to stick with it. Recovery is an "all in" type behavior. You cannot cheat, not because it's a rule. It's because cheating is not recovery. It's just continuing doing what you already do, and just look at where you are in life right now. This has to change. The only alternative to changing is remaining where you are now. It's binary; You only have two choices. There is not a third way out of this.
Start by fighting the cravings to drink. Avoid risk situations. Don't go out with your drinking friends on Friday. When you start to crave, try to distract yourself. Yes, this is hard, and if you had to do it for the rest of your life, it would be Hell, but after a few days of craving, it will start to become manageable, and it keeps getting better and easier. One drink won't take the edge off either. It just cancels out any progress you have made.
Hang out here and participate. Learn how others have done it. I drank for 30 years. I've been sober for 25, and I can't tell you how much better life is without any alcohol, not one drop.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 176
Thank you, Driguy! You are right. I am seriously ill. I'm going to find an AA meeting and go after work tomorrow. I can't go today as after work I have to take my son's girlfriend on some errands. I'm going to need some support because I can't do this anymore. I'm literally killing myself and I don't want to do this! Usually after a week or two of not drinking I promise myself I will only have a few. It never happens so I don't know why I lie to myself. Today I am absolutely positive that I'm an alcoholic and I've got to take some steps to change. Thank you all for your support. Now to just make it through this work day!
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,926
Amen, DriGuy. Brilliant advice.
I’m absolutely gobsmacked at the lackadaisical approach some people have to quitting. I’m like some sort of old hippy and go with the flow for most things, but when it comes to alcohol, there’s no flexibility whatsoever. That’s the way it has to be for anyone serious about quitting.
I’m absolutely gobsmacked at the lackadaisical approach some people have to quitting. I’m like some sort of old hippy and go with the flow for most things, but when it comes to alcohol, there’s no flexibility whatsoever. That’s the way it has to be for anyone serious about quitting.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,335
I’m not AA, had super bad experience in Al Anon.
look ar SR. LOTS of other options.
YOU control your arms, legs, hands, feet and mouth. YOU do. Your thoughts last 90 seconds before they evoke emotion. Practice pushing out negative thoughts with gratitude.
When I quit cigs 34 years ago, if I thought forever, I would have caved .
Dont think about tonight. Think. RIGHT NOW
i have a job
i have a car to get there
i have a place to live
i have clothes to wear and a place to clean them
i have internet and a brain to use it to my advantage
I am seeking help
look ar SR. LOTS of other options.
YOU control your arms, legs, hands, feet and mouth. YOU do. Your thoughts last 90 seconds before they evoke emotion. Practice pushing out negative thoughts with gratitude.
When I quit cigs 34 years ago, if I thought forever, I would have caved .
Dont think about tonight. Think. RIGHT NOW
i have a job
i have a car to get there
i have a place to live
i have clothes to wear and a place to clean them
i have internet and a brain to use it to my advantage
I am seeking help
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,335
Do tasks a second at a time. A minute at a time.
Get to wotk
Get to desk. Gulp water.
Look at today’s agenda and tasks. Pick one to do.
Gulp water. Do a task.
Gulp water. Use the restroom.
Repeat, repeat , repeat.
No more drinking, feeling self hatred, vowing never again, and repeating.
Find a cycle that is not going to kill you mentally and physically .
Get to wotk
Get to desk. Gulp water.
Look at today’s agenda and tasks. Pick one to do.
Gulp water. Do a task.
Gulp water. Use the restroom.
Repeat, repeat , repeat.
No more drinking, feeling self hatred, vowing never again, and repeating.
Find a cycle that is not going to kill you mentally and physically .
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,414
SMART Recovery, Women for Sobriety, AVRT (Addictive Voice Recognition Technique), Refuge Recovery (Buddhist / Mindfulness Approach) are just few options. Posting here daily and joining November class can only help as well—
Hang in there. I remember all too well dry heaves in my office garbage can and trying to “pass” at work when I could barely walk or think.
Drink water, maybe get some crackers or small food down if you can. This can be the last time you ever go through this—people like us can’t just “have a few” and if we accept that, life gets much better fast—
Hang in there. I remember all too well dry heaves in my office garbage can and trying to “pass” at work when I could barely walk or think.
Drink water, maybe get some crackers or small food down if you can. This can be the last time you ever go through this—people like us can’t just “have a few” and if we accept that, life gets much better fast—
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,162
Originally Posted by Katlyne
Usually after a week or two of not drinking I promise myself I will only have a few. It never happens so I don't know why I lie to myself.
It also helped me when I finally embraced the idea that never drinking again ever was the only solution. Thinking that two years down the road you may be able to drink like a normal person, is just a variation of the lie that you "will only have a few." While this is seldom an alcoholics first choice in recovery, for some reason, embracing that "bitter pill" actually made it easier for me stop. I'm not sure if I can explain why that was for sure, but I'll speculate that it was a simple matter of finally facing the reality I was trying to avoid. While you may not know this yet, that reality is a wonderful reality that requires hardly any sacrifice. Although, you may not see that yet.
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