Baby Steps Weekenders ~ 05-08 November 2021
Magsie
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,646
Baby Steps Weekenders ~ 05-08 November 2021
Welcome to the Weekenders
Baby Steps. What are they exactly?
I heard the term many many times when first sober here on SR, still do!
I read that Baby steps are like mini-victories. I tend to agree.
For us, the victory could be a day without alcohol, or half a day without alcohol and even an hour without it.
If you’re like me and want to rush to the end result, then baby steps can be useful to steady myself and think.
I bought a Zumba DVD a few years ago. It was pretty easy the first part so what did I do? I went straight to the last dvd, the hardest exercise. What did I do? I caved. Never tried it again, far too difficult for me. A lesson I could learn from that.
I didn’t carry out my baby steps on something new. I wanted to achieve the end result without the work.
This can happen so many times with our sobriety. We think we’ve got this. Sometimes even to the part where we think we’ll be okay for an odd drink.
Walking the baby steps ensures we strengthen our steps and we don’t miss a step so we can be sure-footed and not off balance.
I read the following paragraph which I think sums up how important baby steps are.
Have you heard the story of the struggling butterfly?
The story goes that one day a man saw a cocoon. There was a small hole and he could see that the butterfly was struggling to get out of the cocoon. He decided to help it and cut open the cocoon so that it could be freed. When he did this, the butterfly died.
The parable is that the butterfly needs to struggle within the cocoon, building its strength so that its wings are strong enough to fly. Bypassing that step, doesn’t advance the process.
Scientifically, the butterfly goes through less of a struggle to build strength but there is a process by which it needs to send important fluids to its wings to expand them for flight.
A fine example of not rushing a process .
Being accountable daily was so important in my early days of sobriety.
Sharing my weeks, months and eventually years strengthened my baby steps to aid me to be sure footed on my Recovery Road and be aware of any bumps and pitfalls on the path.
If this is your first weekend sober, or many, come join us for support and chat...as we know the weekends can be a struggle sometimes. (We’re here all week too!)
Baby Steps. What are they exactly?
I heard the term many many times when first sober here on SR, still do!
For us, the victory could be a day without alcohol, or half a day without alcohol and even an hour without it.
If you’re like me and want to rush to the end result, then baby steps can be useful to steady myself and think.
I bought a Zumba DVD a few years ago. It was pretty easy the first part so what did I do? I went straight to the last dvd, the hardest exercise. What did I do? I caved. Never tried it again, far too difficult for me. A lesson I could learn from that.
I didn’t carry out my baby steps on something new. I wanted to achieve the end result without the work.
This can happen so many times with our sobriety. We think we’ve got this. Sometimes even to the part where we think we’ll be okay for an odd drink.
Walking the baby steps ensures we strengthen our steps and we don’t miss a step so we can be sure-footed and not off balance.
I read the following paragraph which I think sums up how important baby steps are.
Have you heard the story of the struggling butterfly?
The story goes that one day a man saw a cocoon. There was a small hole and he could see that the butterfly was struggling to get out of the cocoon. He decided to help it and cut open the cocoon so that it could be freed. When he did this, the butterfly died.
The parable is that the butterfly needs to struggle within the cocoon, building its strength so that its wings are strong enough to fly. Bypassing that step, doesn’t advance the process.
Scientifically, the butterfly goes through less of a struggle to build strength but there is a process by which it needs to send important fluids to its wings to expand them for flight.
A fine example of not rushing a process .
Being accountable daily was so important in my early days of sobriety.
Sharing my weeks, months and eventually years strengthened my baby steps to aid me to be sure footed on my Recovery Road and be aware of any bumps and pitfalls on the path.
If this is your first weekend sober, or many, come join us for support and chat...as we know the weekends can be a struggle sometimes. (We’re here all week too!)
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,417
I am in and shotgun! Thanks Mags!
I am working and reworking my recovery plan by breaking it down into smaller time increments of days, weeks, months and specific small baby steps to micro-manage cravings. I did something like this when I first quit, but honestly got complacent thinking I had it figured out.
That led to me thinking I did have some kind of control and thus could moderate—same old story—but of course that still is the same myth it always was before. So far, going back to basics is working well and I am adding in new things to support recovery just a bit at a time, and tracking it all in a notebook. . . Wish I had neater handwriting but at least it is written down
I am working and reworking my recovery plan by breaking it down into smaller time increments of days, weeks, months and specific small baby steps to micro-manage cravings. I did something like this when I first quit, but honestly got complacent thinking I had it figured out.
That led to me thinking I did have some kind of control and thus could moderate—same old story—but of course that still is the same myth it always was before. So far, going back to basics is working well and I am adding in new things to support recovery just a bit at a time, and tracking it all in a notebook. . . Wish I had neater handwriting but at least it is written down
back to basics sounds good!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 3,508
Thanks Mags. I'm IN for another sober weekend.
A great opening post. I'm taking my recovery slowly, one step at a time. Indeed, I've gone back to the basics that worked so well for me earlier this year when I was sober for over 6 months. Planning ahead and goal setting while taking things both slowly and one day at a time. It's much easier for me to do things this way.
A great opening post. I'm taking my recovery slowly, one step at a time. Indeed, I've gone back to the basics that worked so well for me earlier this year when I was sober for over 6 months. Planning ahead and goal setting while taking things both slowly and one day at a time. It's much easier for me to do things this way.
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,187
In for another sober weekend!
Thanks Mags!
Good to see you Hawkeye! Congratulations on shotgun.
You too MidnightBlue.
Long term sobriety is reached at the same speed that time moves at, by the day, the hour and the minute so I reckon that every one of those measurements spent sober is a baby step.
One important baby step for me was changing my routine so that I didn't arrive at the same place at the same time that I did when I had previously started the day's drinking. That meant not being indoors in the early evening when the cravings were at their peak and willpower alone was not enough. A change of surroundings and a change to what I normally did got me through the early days.
Thanks Mags!
Good to see you Hawkeye! Congratulations on shotgun.
You too MidnightBlue.
Long term sobriety is reached at the same speed that time moves at, by the day, the hour and the minute so I reckon that every one of those measurements spent sober is a baby step.
One important baby step for me was changing my routine so that I didn't arrive at the same place at the same time that I did when I had previously started the day's drinking. That meant not being indoors in the early evening when the cravings were at their peak and willpower alone was not enough. A change of surroundings and a change to what I normally did got me through the early days.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Europe
Posts: 440
Some days can feel longer than others. I should make a watch app or something where I can see how many hours I've been sober. Maybe even minutes. Seconds may be a bit of an overkill. But hell, while I'm at it, might as well include milli- and microseconds, lol.
It's my day 14 (or, well, roughly 336 hours). I guess the point of such a thing would be that I'd see the numbers increase faster. I'd include a big, scary "RESET" button, that would bring everything back to 0. A reminder that if I drink, I'd have to press that, wasting all my hours, which would be an incentive not to drink. I'd have to be disciplined and honest with myself though. If I had the utilities, I could've had it hooked up to a breathalyzer, and would have to prove that I'm sober every day (otherwise, it would reset itself)
It's my day 14 (or, well, roughly 336 hours). I guess the point of such a thing would be that I'd see the numbers increase faster. I'd include a big, scary "RESET" button, that would bring everything back to 0. A reminder that if I drink, I'd have to press that, wasting all my hours, which would be an incentive not to drink. I'd have to be disciplined and honest with myself though. If I had the utilities, I could've had it hooked up to a breathalyzer, and would have to prove that I'm sober every day (otherwise, it would reset itself)
Magsie
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,646
Polaroid every second, minute, hour and day is important. And it soon adds up. Day 14 is great! 
I could never have imagined a day sober once, and when I finished my first week (this time for good) I was over the moon.
I think there is a sober app I heard about. That may help give you some focus? I sometimes ask Alexa how many days since my sober date. She may even given hours etc. There is a sober calendar on SR but I couldn’t find it.
I could never have imagined a day sober once, and when I finished my first week (this time for good) I was over the moon.
I think there is a sober app I heard about. That may help give you some focus? I sometimes ask Alexa how many days since my sober date. She may even given hours etc. There is a sober calendar on SR but I couldn’t find it.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 3,508
Originally Posted by Polaroid 
Some days can feel longer than others. I should make a watch app or something where I can see how many hours I've been sober. Maybe even minutes. Seconds may be a bit of an overkill. But hell, while I'm at it, might as well include milli- and microseconds, lol.
It's my day 14 (or, well, roughly 336 hours). I guess the point of such a thing would be that I'd see the numbers increase faster. I'd include a big, scary "RESET" button, that would bring everything back to 0. A reminder that if I drink, I'd have to press that, wasting all my hours, which would be an incentive not to drink. I'd have to be disciplined and honest with myself though. If I had the utilities, I could've had it hooked up to a breathalyzer, and would have to prove that I'm sober every day (otherwise, it would reset itself)
It's my day 14 (or, well, roughly 336 hours). I guess the point of such a thing would be that I'd see the numbers increase faster. I'd include a big, scary "RESET" button, that would bring everything back to 0. A reminder that if I drink, I'd have to press that, wasting all my hours, which would be an incentive not to drink. I'd have to be disciplined and honest with myself though. If I had the utilities, I could've had it hooked up to a breathalyzer, and would have to prove that I'm sober every day (otherwise, it would reset itself)
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
Baby steps are essential in this process. I am reminded of how I needed a lot of structure to get and stay sober.
Each hour was accounted for until I had some stability. Structure saved my life.
Wake
SR
Exercise
Work
Home
Dinner
Bath
SR
Bed
Rinse and repeat.
Day in and day out until I felt like I was on autopilot.
Baby steps. Small little steps into the a BRIGHT and SUCCESSFUL FUTURE!
Each hour was accounted for until I had some stability. Structure saved my life.
Wake
SR
Exercise
Work
Home
Dinner
Bath
SR
Bed
Rinse and repeat.
Day in and day out until I felt like I was on autopilot.
Baby steps. Small little steps into the a BRIGHT and SUCCESSFUL FUTURE!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,417
In the beginning of my sober journey, everything was a baby step. Everything throughout each day seemed like a small victory. Drove home from a job site without crashing the beer cave. Worked in my little office upstairs without going to the store at 3:30 for an 18 pack of beer. Worked out of town without getting stumbling drunk in the hotel room each night. Mowed the grass without starting in on a cooler of beer at 2:30. In that early stage, even something like seeing a cool looking moth on the porch while being completely sober and hangover free seemed like an achievement, as indeed it was.
Dustyfox, that is a wonderful story about Tom Baker, though I'm sure it didn't seem that way at the time. My early teen crush was Judy Garland, who had already died from an overdose. I can imagine how scarred I would have been had I met her in real life and been sick on her shoe, reflecting on how I blew my only shot.
My kid's drama club at school put on A Christmas Carol last night and it was good to see them having fun as a group of young people. Most didn't bother, but a couple of them gave a shot at a British accent, which was cool.
Dustyfox, that is a wonderful story about Tom Baker, though I'm sure it didn't seem that way at the time. My early teen crush was Judy Garland, who had already died from an overdose. I can imagine how scarred I would have been had I met her in real life and been sick on her shoe, reflecting on how I blew my only shot.
My kid's drama club at school put on A Christmas Carol last night and it was good to see them having fun as a group of young people. Most didn't bother, but a couple of them gave a shot at a British accent, which was cool.
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,808
I'm in!
Baby steps are so important in all aspects of life. I had to learn to embrace baby steps, because I was always a person who wanted to skip to the end, thinking I could do the harder stuff without doing the work leading up to it. Like Mag's Zumba example. I used to get impatient and figure I could skip stuff. Well, there are some things in life that works ok for. Like not necessarily reading all of the User's Manual when you buy a new blender or TV. When I started AA, I quickly realized I could not skip steps in the 12 steps, or I'd be missing out on important parts of the program. And I've learned that it's OK to take your time, and take all of the small steps in whatever you are doing. I've learned to slow down a bit and take things in smaller increments. It leads to less disappointment and (usually) better results. It's hard to re-train yourself if you are used to being impatient and skipping ahead. But it's a better way to live, overall. It's the KISS principle in action: Keep it simple, stupid.
I love the Tom Baker story, DustyFox. I think he's still my favorite Doctor. He was The Doctor when I was first exposed to the show.
I've been seriously thinking about changing jobs. Mine is becoming rather unbearable. Was cruising job listings this morning, and I saw several openings I'm qualified for right in my area. It's complicated, though. Not an easy decision to make. But I like knowing I have options. I am going to try to improve the situation at my current job before I go running off. There are things I can do, including adjusting my own attitude somewhat. I can also try to insulate myself from the rampant negativity and low morale here. What I CAN'T change is how much I get paid, which is not enough for what I'm expected to put up with. The job has fantastic benefits, though. So it's not as easy as just going somewhere else and making a dollar or two an hour more. The benefits have to be figured in. If I can just hang on a couple more years, then I can probably just retire altogether.
Baby steps are so important in all aspects of life. I had to learn to embrace baby steps, because I was always a person who wanted to skip to the end, thinking I could do the harder stuff without doing the work leading up to it. Like Mag's Zumba example. I used to get impatient and figure I could skip stuff. Well, there are some things in life that works ok for. Like not necessarily reading all of the User's Manual when you buy a new blender or TV. When I started AA, I quickly realized I could not skip steps in the 12 steps, or I'd be missing out on important parts of the program. And I've learned that it's OK to take your time, and take all of the small steps in whatever you are doing. I've learned to slow down a bit and take things in smaller increments. It leads to less disappointment and (usually) better results. It's hard to re-train yourself if you are used to being impatient and skipping ahead. But it's a better way to live, overall. It's the KISS principle in action: Keep it simple, stupid.
I love the Tom Baker story, DustyFox. I think he's still my favorite Doctor. He was The Doctor when I was first exposed to the show.
I've been seriously thinking about changing jobs. Mine is becoming rather unbearable. Was cruising job listings this morning, and I saw several openings I'm qualified for right in my area. It's complicated, though. Not an easy decision to make. But I like knowing I have options. I am going to try to improve the situation at my current job before I go running off. There are things I can do, including adjusting my own attitude somewhat. I can also try to insulate myself from the rampant negativity and low morale here. What I CAN'T change is how much I get paid, which is not enough for what I'm expected to put up with. The job has fantastic benefits, though. So it's not as easy as just going somewhere else and making a dollar or two an hour more. The benefits have to be figured in. If I can just hang on a couple more years, then I can probably just retire altogether.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,474
.
Initially, the Baby Steps toward keeping off the Drink seemed interminable. Every little Battle was a huge Battle. Finally, 1 Month - 3 Months - 6 Months in became increasingly-manageable. The New Normal. Still, I intrinsically referenced my Life back to Them Drinking Days. Finally, even that reference diminished. If I didn't feed The Beast, The Beast starved. After some period 'x' - mebbe 3 Months for me - there was simply no way I was gonna cave, and lose all my progress. Nope.
Once at that point, the new version of Baby Steps consisted of relearning intermittent lil things to be enjoyed while Sober. That was cool. It still is. And, so it will be until my current Incarnation has run its course. One of many things I let go of was the excessive expectation that I'd magically forever be free of all Drink Think. Or, lil urge flashes. And, so on. Doing this release then made me happy with an imperfect, but mostly-perfect, Sobriety. 'Happiness Lies In Lowering Expectations', as a fav saying goes.
A pretty clear Morning on tap with Days of good Weather ahead. I used to be already copping my Morning Buzz by now, and heading to the Dog Park. Now, I just head to the Dog Park. Life's better, and Sunrises much more appreciated.
Thanks, Mags...
Initially, the Baby Steps toward keeping off the Drink seemed interminable. Every little Battle was a huge Battle. Finally, 1 Month - 3 Months - 6 Months in became increasingly-manageable. The New Normal. Still, I intrinsically referenced my Life back to Them Drinking Days. Finally, even that reference diminished. If I didn't feed The Beast, The Beast starved. After some period 'x' - mebbe 3 Months for me - there was simply no way I was gonna cave, and lose all my progress. Nope.
Once at that point, the new version of Baby Steps consisted of relearning intermittent lil things to be enjoyed while Sober. That was cool. It still is. And, so it will be until my current Incarnation has run its course. One of many things I let go of was the excessive expectation that I'd magically forever be free of all Drink Think. Or, lil urge flashes. And, so on. Doing this release then made me happy with an imperfect, but mostly-perfect, Sobriety. 'Happiness Lies In Lowering Expectations', as a fav saying goes.
A pretty clear Morning on tap with Days of good Weather ahead. I used to be already copping my Morning Buzz by now, and heading to the Dog Park. Now, I just head to the Dog Park. Life's better, and Sunrises much more appreciated.
Thanks, Mags...
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,761
I'm in for another sober weekend. Funny that you should talk about baby steps as those are the only kind of steps I can take these days. I can't get around the house very well but I manage, by going slowly and carefully and taking baby steps. But little by little, I get thru the day and get done the things I can do.
After all, life is given us by the minute, by the second, so why not take it as it comes, slowly and a little at a time.
Funny that you should talk about baby steps as those are the only kind of steps I can take these days. I can't get around the house very well but I manage, by going slowly and carefully and taking baby steps. But little by little, I get thru the day and get done the things I can do. After all, life is given us by the minute, by the second, so why not take it as it comes, slowly and a little at a time.
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