Day 1 …. Again …Son is doing my head in
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 870
Day 1 …. Again …Son is doing my head in
Well yesterday a very kind member of SR asked how I was doing and the answer is not good. The ongoing saga of my son culminated in my getting him arrested for breaking a non molestation order and coercive control. He was basically homeless for a bit and then moved in with his friend to an area which has the worst crime rate in London. About three weeks ago he told me that he’d borrowed £5000 from people in the neighbourhood who were pressuring him to repay it with interest. This has happened so many times I said I couldn’t take it any more and blocked him on everything. I’m pretty sure he's dropped out of College so he’ll have to get a job like everyone else. There are times when I feel liberated and am incredibly productive at work.. and others when I feel very sad about the whole thing and drown my sorrows in several bottles of wine which just makes me feel worse (like today). It’s his birthday soon and I hate to think of us not doing anything together but he has been so horrible and manipulative , I can’t bear all that starting up again. Anyway, am trying to get over pretty bad withdrawals (again) and feel nauseous … but am having tea and taking the day off so hopefully will feel better later. I’m going to stick like glue to SR and am very grateful to the person who sent me a PM to see if I was OK - you know who you are ! :-)
Have a good day folks !
Have a good day folks !
Reality...what a concept!
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: CT, USA
Posts: 1,232
Thank you for sharing this. I also just went through Day 1 after going quite a long time without drinking. Isn’t it amazing how our brains somehow block out all the suffering we went through with other Day 1s and we are convinced it miraculously won’t happen again?
So sorry to hear of your son’s troubles and the grief it is causing you. Wishing you peace, and hoping he finds his way. Like many other worries and stressors, we have to try to let it go. The only thing we have control over is how we let such things impact us.
So sorry to hear of your son’s troubles and the grief it is causing you. Wishing you peace, and hoping he finds his way. Like many other worries and stressors, we have to try to let it go. The only thing we have control over is how we let such things impact us.
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Back in the USA
Posts: 2,661
I totally understand and can relate to how you feel after having all that sobriety under your belt but to finally give in to the AV and regret.
So sorry and hope you can finally find the long term sobriety that we all strive for. Been there.
Intro
So sorry and hope you can finally find the long term sobriety that we all strive for. Been there.
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,549
It is really sad icdt. Sometimes just got to go with the sadness because it's better than the alternative. 
He forced your hand, and continues to exert force. Demanding. Entitled.
Feel good about starting to reclaim yourself at last.
He forced your hand, and continues to exert force. Demanding. Entitled.
Feel good about starting to reclaim yourself at last.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
You can do this ICDT! I hope you get a chance to look at the book Codependent No More when you're feeling better.
Glad you're back, take it a day at a time and be good to yourself - rest, take a walk, eat healthy, etc.
Glad you're back, take it a day at a time and be good to yourself - rest, take a walk, eat healthy, etc.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
I am glad you are back IDCT. Lots of good suggestions here already, I would add that it seems like when you spend time here on SR that it's helpful to you. Perhaps actually scheduling time for yourself in a calendar to purposefully work on your recovery would help. That time could be spent here, or reading books, or whatever is helpful. When our minds are idle they many times fall back to our old habits, and that's usually a bad thing. I would also plea that you do not, under any possible circumstances, even consider contacting your son about his birthday as you elude to in your original post here. As hard as it is for you, making any contact with him right now is the absolute worst possible decision you could make. The codependence readings others have shared may help you in that area, and you might also want to see if there are any local groups like al-anon or others that could help you in that area. Or even think about seeing a therapist if you haven't - they can be very helpful in that area too.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
Originally Posted by Icandothis2013 
Thanks so much ! I’m looking for the book now. There seem to be two with that title. One by Melody Beatie and one by Andre Nedelcu. Which one are you recommending ?!
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Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,335
My eldest is an addict.
it is horrible. In 2009 I accepted her road to death, and decided to protect me and my family. I’ve tried to drown that with drink too, but darn, she’s still an addict. Many years I didn’t know if she was dead or alive.
She’s alive now, sober 18 months from meth and alcohol. I am just glad she’s currently available mentally and physically. ODAAT.
please look after yourself. Do let him do his thing, but don’t feel guilty. We are SUPPOSED to take care of ourselves.
so glad SR soul reached you, AND you responded.
🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼😊
it is horrible. In 2009 I accepted her road to death, and decided to protect me and my family. I’ve tried to drown that with drink too, but darn, she’s still an addict. Many years I didn’t know if she was dead or alive.
She’s alive now, sober 18 months from meth and alcohol. I am just glad she’s currently available mentally and physically. ODAAT.
please look after yourself. Do let him do his thing, but don’t feel guilty. We are SUPPOSED to take care of ourselves.
so glad SR soul reached you, AND you responded.
🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼😊
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Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
I hope you are starting to feel better today ICDT.
Please try remember that when you have enough contact with your son that you know details about his loan arrangements with his neighbors including them shaking him down for usurious interest on the loans (that particular story sounds like a total crock of bs by the way), it makes it hard to tell a court or a judge that you want no contact with him and that such contact is unsafe for you. Right now your son could look the judge in the eye and say that he has regular contact with you that you seem just fine with that.
Just practically too, any contact with him is obviously a trigger for you to drink. Take care of yourself and I hope your weekend will allow you to recover and begin to feel better.
Please try remember that when you have enough contact with your son that you know details about his loan arrangements with his neighbors including them shaking him down for usurious interest on the loans (that particular story sounds like a total crock of bs by the way), it makes it hard to tell a court or a judge that you want no contact with him and that such contact is unsafe for you. Right now your son could look the judge in the eye and say that he has regular contact with you that you seem just fine with that.
Just practically too, any contact with him is obviously a trigger for you to drink. Take care of yourself and I hope your weekend will allow you to recover and begin to feel better.
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