Hodd

I don’t take compliments very well for two reasons. Firstly, I’m not used to them! Secondly, I find 999 out of 1000 compliments to be well meaning but a bit empty. If I run a 5km or 10km race, I know I’m not going to get an amazing time, so my club mates’ compliments are nice, but it’s sort of expected, and I reciprocate. Saying that, in my fifteen years or so as a heavy drinker, I don’t remember being complemented on anything whether genuinely or not.

So this past week has knocked me for six!

I’m a very part-time online science teacher, and I thought I’d finished with one kid (I mean that in a nice way) when he went back to school in September. However, his parents sent me an e-Mail saying he’s struggling with maths, and whilst they could go and find a genuine maths tutor, they said to me “he knows you already and likes you.” I’m not a maths teacher, but with a complement like that, what can I say except yes!

I’m also doing a course at the moment to become a personal trainer. I certainly have my own journey from obese drunk to the improved work in progress I am today, and I’m sure I can motivate guys my age and previous girth to turn things around. I probably won’t target women in any future training as I think it’s pretty hands on and physical, and I think a lady would prefer a female trainer. However, the training course participants are male and female, and I’m happy to work with the ladies on this. The other day, a female attendee about my age made the effort to come up to me and say I was really calm and confident as a trainer and she’d certainly train with me even though she was female. I’m not going to say I burst into tears, but it wasn’t far off. For someone like me who’s wasted so much of their life being drunk and miserable towards others, that was probably one of the most amazing compliments I’ve ever had.

As I always say, and I’m boring to keep saying, sobriety is the gift that keeps on giving. I’m way more positive now, and all the negative aura that I used to have is probably gone. I’m not overly sociable, but I clearly no longer scare people or make them uncomfortable. If I’d still been drinking, I’d never have been a teacher or dreamed of training to be a personal trainer.

And people say giving up drinking is boring!

Hodd

And I won’t be getting any compliments on my English here as I realise I have compliment and complement mixed up 😆😆😆😆

I won’t edit the above, but I’m obliged to say “compliment” is correct, i.e. say something good, and “complement” is to add something. I thought my spelling was OK, but I never knew this 🤭

Anna

Hodd, those are both great compliments. It's so nice when someone takes a moment to let us know we are appreciated.

TroubleAfoot

That is awesome Hodd! You are attaining what is one of my biggest goals which is, through the example of my own living, to be able to become an inspiration to others. To inspire others to live in a better state of health and well being so as to, in some small way, make the word at large a better place. Making it better by increasing the overall amount of happiness in it.

Once, in 2013, I did a hardcore paleo diet for a month (also no drinking). My skin cleared up to the point it was glowing, I lost 27 (much needed) pounds, and had more energy than I had ever had before. The change in me was so dramatic that six of my friends were inspired to do the same experiment and experienced similar results. That is the person I would like to become again.

Hodd

Thanks, TA. As I said in your Anger thread, we’re the same age, so we’ve got decades left yet. It doesn’t even need to be intentionally inspirational as you say with your paleo diet example.

I have no scientific basis for this, but drinking makes us more negative, and inversely sobriety increases our positivity. That seems to give out an aura that others pick up on. After that, things just seem to work out better more often.

I had to e-Mail that lady the next day and say that her kind words had a lasting effect. Maybe we should learn from her too and give complements when we think they’re deserved/genuine. As we can see from my latest (mundane 😆 ) thread, they can mean a hell of a lot.

Delilah1

I love that you're seeing all the benefits of your hard work noticed!!

TroubleAfoot

Indeed and I agree. You never know how much a kind act, though it may seem insignificant to you, can change someone's day, or even life, for the better.

I never forgot a story I read, several years ago, recounted in a self-improvement book. There was a funeral for an old man and there was a younger lady present who no one seemed to know. When asked who she was this apparent stranger told the tale of how, a few years prior, she was riding the bus, during the lowest point of her life, and was feeling extremely suicidal. She was sobbing quietly when an old gentleman boarded the bus and sat next to her. He introduced himself and inquired as to why she was crying. She opened up and told him everything. The man, after hearing her woes, gave her such kind words of encouragement, and wisdom, that she scrapped her plans of self destruction and, instead, began to dramatically improve her life. She never forgot his name and when she saw the obituary in the paper she was compelled to attend the funeral.

I love that story and try to keep it in mind when interacting with others. You just never know.

Hodd

I like it too. I wonder what I, or any of us, would do in the old gentleman’s position? I wrote one of my long posts 😆 recently about seeing a guy in my home town taking a sneaky swig of vodka at 9am. I wanted to say something, maybe tell him I’d been there (although never at 9am thankfully) and that his life would be better without that vodka, but what can you say without the risk of trouble? Guaranteed that guy is still drinking his way into problems, and there is a minuscule chance any words from me may have had an effect. It’s probably not the greatest example as it’s not wise to speak up in such situations, but we can try.

dwtbd

The compliments are directed at the complement your actions bring , just Hodd adding positivity to the universe

BeABetterMan

You are speaking my language. I get really uncomfortable when complemented (I’m keeping this spelling in honor of you my friend). It’s something I’m working on. Between complements and my negative self talk I know there’s an esteem issue there. Work in progress.

Hodd

I’m not religious at all, but I did find Buddhism interesting at one stage (anything to impress a long ago girlfriend 🙂 ) and was surprised that the Buddhist interpretation of karma is different from the western idea. To my limited understanding, Buddhists do good stuff to get merit and come back reincarnated better. This differs from the western idea that if you treat people like s**t, you’ll get the same treatment now or later. I reckon there’s something in the western interpretation of karma. I’ve had my share of being nasty and getting treated likewise, but now I’m not such a miserable git, life is that bit easier.

TroubleAfoot

Ahh yes Karma. If it's real I believe it can go both ways but I don't know much about it either. Often, though, I feel like I must have been a real jerk, in a past life, to have had to deal with what I've had to deal with in this one. I've had to kick and claw for every inch I've gained in this life. I guess the good news, if it is real, is that I'm getting this karmic debt over with and learning a lot along the way. I, too, am considerably less miserable than I used to be.

Today is a good day. I'm about 40 hours into a fast and feel great. I find that fasting, though it can be intense, is extremely beneficial to my mood and overall physical sense of well being. It's powerful stuff.

VikingGF

I feel I need to add my complement about compliments. As one who always either belittled any compliment sent my way or became embarrassed, I do remember someone saying to me, "Just say thank you!" and now that's what I do. It's getting easier.

Hodd- Wow!! Your story is so great- congrats on all of it! Changing your life so completely is pretty impressive. I'm sure you deserve all the good energy coming your way- so get used to it!

Hodd

Thanks Viking, you’re getting there too with your 74+ days.

I think the point of my waffly posts, which must sound self serving or boastful at times, is that I’m surprised at myself. Not used to doing anything much, so this is all new. Anyone nursing a hangover this morning and stuck in a rut of daily drinking and wondering when it’ll end can break out if it and turn things around. Up until four years ago, I used to spend most of Saturday in bed with a pounding headache. It can be done.

Leil

What a lovely surprise for you to receive that unexpected compliment. It is always so nice to receive one and makes me wonder do I offer enough compliments back. I hope so. Good luck on your sober journey. You seem to have it nailed

Hodd

One? I got two 😆

If something’s above and beyond, I think it’s very important to give a compliment. I’m not one for giving or receiving everyday complements, not that I get many of them either 🤣

I’d certainly always complement anyone who quits alcohol and turns things around.

Got it nailed? I’ve been getting minor cravings this week which is a surprise as I’d had none for months. I saw an excellent point on Twitter today that alcoholism is like type 2 diabetes. There’s no cure, but it’s manageable if the sufferer takes care. I’m guessing a type 2 diabetic (I have no experience of this so I apologise 100% if I’m playing it down) wouldn’t eat a big chocolate bar, so us ex-drinkers should feel the same about alcohol. The main deterrent to me having that one drink is I know my brain’s been altered irreversibly, and with alcohol flowing inside, it’d decide I’d be fine to drink a few every night. Only one way to avoid that happening …