Test results
 

I had an upper abdomen ultrasound and my results all came back normal. Liver, gallbladder, and right kidney all normal. It’s a relief but shocking to me that everything is normal. Especially after a 10 years of heavy drinking. I would’ve at least thought I had fatty liver. But I don’t. Thank the Lord! I also did a barium swallow test and everything looks good there too except for slight acid reflux. It’s just so weird to me that I’m “fine” because I keep thinking something is not right with my body - I guess it’s just my mind!!

Unfortunately I did relapse this weekend. But I’m not letting that relapse turn into another 4 year binge. It started with just one drink Friday. That’s it, just drank one. Well, Saturday I ended up drinking 15 or so. So nope, can’t have just one.

A friend came to stay with us that we haven’t seen in a while and it triggered me to drink.

Y'all knew this was coming by my last posts. I couldn’t see it though until I did.

I’m not giving up!!

Good to read your post! I wish you well. Are you open to AA?

Yes, I attend AA.

Did you get testing done because you felt something was wrong? I'm really scared to have any done, I'm pretty sure there will be issues with my liver.

Jillian, I'm glad your test results were good. Do you have a plan in mind to prevent a relapse in the future so you can continue your sobriety?

Congrats on the great test results.

I’m glad your Test results were good, Jillian :)
Have you thought about where/how you need to beef up your recovery plan?

D

I'm very glad your tests came back clean Jillian. Regarding your statement above, I'd say it was more the lack of posts than anything you said recently that tipped me off to a possible relapse. You were very much involved with SR last time you quit and it seemed to be working well, but then there was the concert, and a few other things, and then we didn't hear from you at all for a bit. The word complacency comes to mind, and I think you might have used it yourself when things started improving a bit.

Bottom line, we don't get unlimited chances at this. And at some point, many people begin to deteriorate at a greatly accelerated pace, even after multiple cycles of quitting/starting with seemingly no long lasting consequences. For me it came after I had quit for about 3 months and started drinking again after I had a shoulder injury. I just "had a few" that weekend to numb the physical pain until I could get to a doctor. Of course it turned into a full blown return to binge drinking within about a week, and continued for another 3-4 months. After that though, I tried to quit and instead of just feeling like crap, I ended up in the ER with dangerously high blood pressure and super high heart rate. I actually got hauled out of a meeting at work and taken to the ER by one of my co-workers to make things even worse. I had crossed the line from hangovers to withdrawals with little to no notice.

Hey, Jillian,
Glad you came back so quickly, now is the time to beef up your plan like so many have said here. Stay close, post and ask for help or share or whatever you need to do to get your focus. Don't forget what brought you here- you said you never wanted to feel that anxiety ever again. You have the power, my friend. Stay the course and do not drink. It only gets worse every time you have to stop- I promise.

Wow. Except for the barium swallow test, I would have written the same. Ten years of alcohol abuse, with occasional liver pain. All normal, nothing physical to report. I don't want to have a 11th year to test....

Hi Jillian,

Sorry to hear about the relapse, but as you say... many of us saw it coming. ;) And as Scott said, eventually we run out of chances. This really is a life or death kinda thing. I'm glad you came back quickly, and I hope you gained some valuable insight into how this addiction warps our thinking.

Also glad to hear about your positive test results. I can offer a word of caution based on my own experience with that, too. I drank for about 30 years. With the exception of the last 2 of those years, I had no significant health issues other than high blood pressure. I was prescribed meds for that and was soon "back in business" drinking again. But in those last couple years, I started getting sick more. Then I started sleeping more often than I was awake, falling down a lot, blacking out, etc. The spiral was accelerating. Eventually, I was so sick I was admitted to the hospital, where I suffered a psychotic break and got strapped to a gurney for several days, I was kept an additional 3 days because my liver enzymes were off the charts. The guy who drank heavily for nearly 3 decades without any liver issues suddenly had acute alcoholic hepatitis. When I relapsed for 8 days last April, after 6 years sober, I was already sick again and my liver enzymes were already getting way above normal.

My point is, don't make the mistake I did and interpret a good bill of health as a license to keep drinking. No one is immune to the consequences of addiction. If you press your luck, it will run out one way or another. I guarantee it.

Sobriety is hard. The first few months or so can be really dicey.
Least says that a person has got to want to be sober more than they want to drink. True
Lessgravity says that no one is coming to save us. We have to do that real hard honest work by ourselves and for ourselves. True

We all have to find our own way out of the mess. I have found that sobriety is not linear. Not for most. People quit and pick back up. Learn something new/ old about their alcoholism and then quit again. Starts and stops and roller coasters. Lots of rides on roller coasters. The point is to keep on trying to get off the roller coaster. To achieve lasting sobriety. To release ourselves from addiction.

I believe in you and I know you can get and remain sober if you want it. Its yours for the taking. You can do this.

thanks for sharing this with Jillian. I wanted to explain this but I haven't had the personal experience like you've had.

I am glad your test results are all good Jillian, and that you’re back sober and posting. Dee asked a great question, about what you might be able to add to your recovery, hopefully there are a few things you can think of.

❤️Delilah