Erratic

great job on 20 days BTG xx keep at it and moving forward hun xx we all would love to change what we have done but we now just need to try let go and move on and onwards and learn xx

advbike

It does make sense and I understand completely. We are all human, subject to human emotions both good and bad, and as a result sometimes we behave badly or make mistakes. I certainly have too. Things I regret, but cannot change. It is all part of the experience. All we can do is try to learn from our mistakes and do better. Try to be kind and not judgemental. We have to let go of the past mistakes and focus on making a better future for ourselves and those around us. And on that score, you're doing a splendid job, BTG. Just keep doing what you're doing.

Backtogood

You are entirely right and I am, it is overwhelming sometimes. I feel so much shame and guilt, but you can't change the past. Onwards.

Backtogood

thank you.

Backtogood

Day 23. I think my hubby hates the fact I quit drinking. He is always so supportive in the beginning and then becomes resentful. Tonight was a good night rearranging our sons room, I knew he was drinking, but it was all good. Then he became angry and left for the bar and some gambling. Really wanted to drunk but played that tape over and over and over. I will not drink today.

advbike

Don't let his problem become your problem. You are doing fantastic, and of course he probably has a resentment about it. Alcoholics are always feeling resentment at some perceived slight or unfairness. Playing the victim. Just keep on your awesome sober path, BTG.

Free2bme888

It’s amazing how we want someone to change, and then when they do, we are uncomfortable. I think that’s what’s going on with hubby from what I’ve read. Agree with advbike, just do you, try to separate from it, his drinking. Joining him will do you nothing but harm in your soul, body, and relationships.


Great on keeping sober when he took off, and not drinking over your uncomfortable feelings. A great start!

advbike

How are you doing this weekend, BTG? Hopefully all is going well and the weather is nice where you are.

Backtogood

I messed up and drank the last 2 days. Gosh, when I do it I really do it. I'm not going to do my usual pity party. I drank. Yes. I feel horrible about it. Yes. But I'm not going to give up. Everyday I try to be a better person than I was the day before. I will succeed. So today I'm back at day 1. My husband is mad at me, but I'm kinda over it. He drinks every single day. At least I try to better myself. I will not give up on myself.

Backtogood

I'm having severe anxiety. I know it will pass. But I want to remember this feeling, this remorse. This pain. This shame. I will never have to feel this way again. 😞

Dee74

Definitely do not give up

D

Hawkeye13

The anxiety will pass—I get it too the day after drinking. Just keep going and you’ll get there BTG

Backtogood

thx hawkeye

Backtogood

Joined an online AA Chat group, met some great peeps. Onwards.

venuscat

That's wonderful BTG ❤️

Backtogood

It is hard to repair the relationships I've damaged and that hurts my soul and makes it hard to stay sober.

advbike

I relapsed on the 5th and 7th. Things were piling up emotionally and I had 6 beers, then 4 beers. Sometimes it feels like the only tool in the bag, but really it isn't of course. I could have biked, walked, logged in here. I just guess I just wanted to drink, but I can't keep doing this. I was much better in summer for some reason. I paid the price for a few days with anxiety and shame, but it's gotten better. Wrapping up Day 5.

You will do it BTG, I know it. We have setbacks but your attitude and effort is great and that's what makes the difference.

Free2bme888

Yes, BTG, I understand the self loathing and the addiction wanting to be fed no matter the cost.

i know I’ve (and some loved ones of mine) have paid enough already. I’m not paying anymore.

Glad for the honesty, and SUPER GLAD you came right back on here.

Best warm thoughts over the internet.

Dee74

In my experience people want action over promises and words, however genuine those words and promises are..

The only real way to mend fences is to show change. The quickest way to break them down again is to show things are just the same.

Keep going for the different BtG

D

Backtogood

So, I could lie. I want to lie... silly isn't it? I would be lying to myself, really, not to you. I had the bad bringe last Saturday thru Monday. I didn't drink for two days, but I bought 4 minis per each day the last 2 days to help with my anxiety at work. I can't miss anymore work. Now my brain is going to rationalize this for you (myself). I didn't get drunk at all the last 2 days, I only drank to ease the anxiety. I have 2 more days of work and then 3 days off. I plan on using those days to reset my body and brain. Yes, I know, it sounds like a bunch of bs and if I read this I would roll my eyes 🤣. The truth is, yes, my anxiety was bad, but I didn't have to stop at the store. Yes, the one mini helped, but I didn't need the 2 after work. The truth is I am powerless over alcohol, if I have one I want another. The truth is, I don't want it to even be a thought or factor in my life. I don't want to wake up at 5am and convince myself to sneak a shot to "ease" my nerves. Time to get back to Good. Again. 😕 😔 Dee said it perfectly, actions over words.