Jupiter11

My AVs old chestnut always was "you're not as bad as (insert an end stage alcoholics name) Then when they died just switch to another name.
But I did become that almost that bad, so it stopped using that one

WindPines

"You're different than them."

FreeOwl

same

BackandScared

All of the above... Repeatedly.
it gets better with time because I know they are lies. They are still tempting. We are so good at believing what we want to believe.

tomls

Ditto!

DriGuy

There's a lot of personal insight in this thread, and now that I'm thinking about it, why shouldn't there be? Recognizing our AV (our own self deceptions and denial) is required in successful recovery. Lying to ourselves is a personal defense mechanism common to humanity. We can do it and shield ourselves from the truth, and much of the time, we can get away with it without suffering dire consequences beyond simply fooling ourselves into believing what we want to believe. No great damage is done, so unconsciously denial is reinforced, and we can go on living in blissful ignorance.

Alcoholics can do that too, but if we are part of the crowd that finds it's way to successful recovery, we have to stop lying to ourselves, at least about our alcoholic conditions. We can't afford the luxury of denial and not suffer dire consequences. We have to face our alcoholism without the luxury of self deception. Recovery requires accepting certain uncomfortable truths that could easily be swept under the carpet.

fishkiller

You can't live without me

Thesaviour

I've restarted the Rational Recovery book today, well I never finished it the last time. I got to "there is a cure for alcoholism: abstinence", That sentence alone was enough for me to realize that I may not now control the consequences of my previous actions nor the madness that is happening around me. Nonetheless, committing to abstinence is perfectly in my control. That's a reassuring thought. That got me to six months and I got caught out. So maybe finishing the book this time and learning how to not get caught out would be a good addition to committing to abstinence.

Anyway reading the transcript with Veronica it got me thinking: I've been in this state of ambivalence for years.. Like years. I remember at 21 sitting in bedroom with my ltr at the time and something must have happened as I/she/we wrote on the wardrobe in pencil the date and "Fresh start for TS". So really looking back it has been swinging back and forth between going after what the authentic I wants and giving in to the AV.

My favorite wine years ago was Malbec from Argentina. Had a thing for South America and especially Argentina and wanted to backpack there and of course I would be able to sample Malbec from the source...

i knew that I would eventually (eventually ain't now good, it has to be now) quit drinking and stick with it for life (wow I remember that thought) as incidents were happening and times of not drinking I was waking up at peace somewhat and felt more comfortable in my skin....

Then I got this message "no point in quitting until your trip to Argentina is complete is there? what would be the point in going to Argentina and not sampling Malbec? Pointless! Quit after the trip"

Never got to Argentina in the end or South America

(did get to Cuba!)

Nonsensical

+1

Zebra1275

What was your AV’s biggest lie?

That you can quit tomorrow.

dustyfox

Telling me it will be fine.......
It will be fine if you just drink at the weekends -
It will be fine if you just drink when you go out -
It will be fine i you have one bottle a night -
It will be fine if you just have one glass a night -
It will be fine if you have a months break -
It will be fine if you water down the wine -
It will be fine if you drink 4 glasses of water before you sleep/when you wake up -
It will be fine you sweat out the poison while excising -
It will be fine of you have a years break, let your liver regenerate and start all over again.....
...............It will ONLY ever BE FINE when you stop - I've stopped.

MLD51

^^^^
This was the biggest one for me. That FEAR kept me drinking to the point of sheer desperation. Had I known life would be so full and FUN after quitting, I might not have had to get to that LOWEST of low points that I got to on December 4, 2014. But maybe I needed that desperation, so that the fear of continuing to drink was greater than the fear of quitting.

Another big one was: At least you are not as bad as most of your friends. There were two lies there: one, that I wasn't "as bad" and two, that they were my friends.

Hodd

There’s a media-led activity every year in the U.K. called Dry January. As the name implies, participants try not to drink at all for the month of January. I can’t think of one good thing about this. The 1st of February will see a massive binge, and the level of drinking will probably stay high from then on. Assuming someone’s not crossed the line into dependence, they’re better off drinking moderately 52 weeks a year. And wow do they whinge about Dry January. If they miss the alcohol that much, that’s a worry.

Silver11

That I deserved to drink

Kaily

In the end I was so swallowed up by my addiction that it felt almost like I was my AV. I suppose the only way to put it is it possessed me. The fight was lost. It no longer needed to lie to me to convince me to drink, I just did 24 7. I had succumbed one hundred percent to its destructive power.

It is a very dark place.

Evoo

I’ve been there, mate. Before I externalized my addiction I *was* my addiction. My only concern at those times was having the “right” amount of alcohol to function properly, without getting too drunk or falling back into anxious withdrawals. It is a very dark place. That’s the part non-alcoholics don’t understand; most alcoholics aren’t drinking to feel good, they’re drinking to feel “normal.” Ugh.

Thesaviour

Here are some live ones now :
(I work evenings and it's been a bit of a killer going back to an empty, damp, dark house with bad memories and demons all around me. They opened a 24 hour shop across the road which means 1. 24 hour access to booze and fags. 2. Noise of every bastard pulling up in their cars drnk and shouting in search of booze and fags, disturbs sleep)

'you' re not going to be able to sleep tonight'
'tomorrow is a bank holiday. Every bastard will be out on balconies and roofs drinking. You ain't sleeping tonight'

'you soaked the bed with sweat after a 14 hour disturbed sleep. The bed needs making, you got up late, you ain't sleeping'

'life is shite'

'too much damage to overcome'

'why bother eating when you go back'

'stupid ****, lost wing mirror now. Still not replaced back light'

'bored of this life'

I could go on. Overload causing a wave of anxiety.

Hodd

Here’s another of mine, from my days in Germany. It’s funny but not funny.

”Beer’s so cheap here, why not?”

And as a result, a wasted few years. When I go back now, I notice things on my own old doorstep which I’d been too drunk/hungover/moody to see.

Or you see a person, or even worse a fictional person on TV, drinking excessively, and think, “if they can do it, so can I!” An example that springs to mine albeit a real historic movie character is Oskar Schindler. Died of liver failure ☹️

Contella09

That is exactly word for word what I would have wrote. It was the same for me. Also that many people drink and I am not the only person who gets drunk and does and says stupid things.