Regret & Remorse - Do they, will they ever go away? Weekenders 01 -04 October 2021
 

Welcome to the Weekenders :wavey:



Regret & Remorse - Do they, will they ever go away?



I didn’t murder anyone or anything like that.

I didn’t do anything illegal, knowingly, though I’m ashamed to say I suspect I may have been over the limit when driving some mornings. :dunno:



Would I ever stop feeling the guilt from when I drank?

Past memories pop up, out of the blue, and I’m saddened by how I behaved when drunk?



I can’t turn the clock back ever.



All I can do is endeavour to be sober and I know my past behaviour was alcohol induced so wouldn’t happen sober.



As I wandered around SR I came upon some precious words by weasel, an SR member. They are as follows:



"Forgive yourself."



If you allow yourself to feel guilty, you will reinforce the error rather than allow it to be undone. Move past it.



The people here have helped me realize that a softer touch is the best approach to moving past myself.



Take this next 48 hours to do nothing but forgive yourself. If you are like me you will need to do it over and over and over as each new thought pops up in our heads.



Forgiving yourself takes practice. Real efforts. So focusing on that for a period can help train your sober mind!




I think we can be too hard on ourselves sometimes, I know I am and I’m going to practice to forgiving myself each day.

If this is your first weekend sober, or many, come join us for support and chat...as we know the weekends can be a struggle sometimes. (We’re here all week too!) :)

Thanks mags x
i am working on forgiving myself. I have taken up a number of things through the week to keep me sober and by the weekend im going to find something more to keep me going and more lessons in forgiving myself aswell.
so thanks for this thread, i may only post once or a few times but i will try to keep coming back and to remind myself that i need this thread as part of my journey into my new life sober.

Off to work for 2 days, will catch u all when can. have great day x

Thanks Mags :)

I really needed this thread. I just finished day 30 and the "pink cloud" is definitely over. I'm facing reality (not my strong point). I'm dealing with tremendous regret and remorse. I've had survivor's guilt since I was a five year old child. I always feel guilty. Guilt drives most of my actions.

Good to see you erratic! Hope works goes well! We’re here all week too!

Hi listae, reality wasn’t my strong point either. When I drank I thought it was easier to bury my head in the sand than face life. (It wasn’t) I would never go back to those days of drinking though.

Just looking in to say I hope Kaily's little dog Daisy is alright.

:tyou thanks Mags :)

Thanks Mags, I'm IN.

Over the years I have had tremendous guilt about my drinking, about the chaos it has caused to others as well as to myself. I still do feel some guilt, though I have learned a little to forgive myself. I sometimes wish I could just put the past, or at least parts of the past, behind me and start afresh. I know that one way to achieve that is to put a distance between myself and drinking by staying sober but I'm still not succeeding 100% in doing the latter.

Robbie, it will come. Just think of it as a very long holiday! I remember you saying you don’t drink on holiday.

Thanks Mags.

I feel immense guilt and remorse towards my daughter and myself. I look back now and nothing about me was truly me. I literally lived from one disaster to the next, anxiety raging. I had no foundations of what a normal life was and just survived the only way I knew. Drinking. If I'm honest, I am bitter too, my life has been very tough.

Now I immerse myself with my dogs and nature. People, other than on a very unemotional level, scare me. I cannot deal with anymore hurt or mental health crisis's in my life. I keep myself isolated to keep safe.

Thanks Caramel, Daisy is a bit brighter today. She still hasn't eaten much but did have a little and a little play. :)

Kaily I remember how alcohol made me forget my troubles too. It was a relief initially to forget for a whole but then my ‘off’ switch stopped working and it became a curse.
We can move on but it takes time.
So pleased Daisy is a bit bette. :hug/

Even normies have regrets and remorse. I don't think we have a corner on that market.

In my first drinking "career" in my twenties I was an arrogant self-entitled jerk and every time someone upset me, I'd get even or at the very least I'd hang onto that for days. Such a lovely character trait. I spent 12 years in revenge mode and I didn't even always take it out on the person who I felt wronged me. It might have just been the next poor soul who crossed my path. In the movie, "Where The Heart Is," Stockard Channing plays an alcoholic in recovery and at one point in the movie she says,

“We're alcoholics, we're generally satisfied to hurt ourselves.”

That was the bit I didn't understand. Every time I held on to some resentment I was hurting myself. It seems a pretty common human failing, though. I try not to beat myself up about it any more. I don't need to hold resentments against my own self!

I think my faith helps a lot with this. The Jesus story is pretty much tailor made to resolve this issue and if I stay connected I can keep it away. It's definitely a daily practice.

That's true about holding on to resentment....I'm still working on that but I still have a ways to go.....I like Stockard Channing ~ don't think I've ever seen that movie (or at least I don't remember lol) ~ she's funny in "Practical Magic" :Witch6:

Anyway....Thanks Mags for the new thread :) I have guilt issues too, but I try and focus on self improvement to avoid getting in crappy situations like I did in the past....easier said than done :09:

In for the weekend ~ Halloween's just a month away :Pumpkinwave:

Thanks Mags, I'm in for this weekend.

I'm in!

uhhh.... shotgun?? (do we still do that?)

Thanks for the OP, Mags. Yes, guilt and remorse. I have a lot. It's getting better, as the years go by. Every once in a while a memory pops up and it's like a knife to the gut. So many regrets. My behavior was really atrocious at times. And I sure hated myself at the time, and after I quit when I was forced to face up to all of it. I'm working on the forgiveness part. I have always been the queen of taking the blame. It was always just easier to be the one to admit fault. So I'm wired to feel bad about everything, even if it was not mine to feel bad about. So when I had things to feel bad about that WERE mine, you can just imagine how much I beat myself up. And that did lead to more drinking because... I'd want to drown out that self-loathing and the memories of the behavior that the alcohol caused. A vicious cycle. Once I broke out of the cycle and started to dissect the wreckage and take ownership, I was surprised to see that a lot of the things I did, I did out of fear and a need to be loved. It's hard to explain. Some of it was just lack of good judgement fueled by alcohol. In any case, I knew that the key was to begin to somehow like myself despite the things I had done. That was going to be the only way for me to rise above and prevent repeating those behaviors. I had to learn to be my own friend, if that makes sense. Anyway, it's a process. Getting toward 7 years in, and things have definitely improved. At least I am not engaging in the behaviors that I hated myself for, and the living amend of staying sober is slowly having the result of having people trust me again. It's never going to be perfect. I lost a couple of people permanently. But the majority are still here, and for that, I am grateful.

Sorry for the ramble. This is something I think about a lot.

Glad Daisy is a bit better, Kaily.

I have a terrible time with resentments. A work in progress.

Thanks Mags!

Prayers for dog Kaily, and for your sticktoitiveness, Robbie❤️

Yes, guilt. OoooOOOOOooooo. And revenge, Bim! I was horribly wronged on Tuesday at work. I rebuked false claims and slander to my boss, an a$$, with facts and figures. I want to call the board of nursing and report all nurses I know are using pot outside work. I may still.

i Will take sabbatical/retirement next month after employer pays for difficult certifications first. Big load off. Can’t change people. Only ourselves. Won’t drink over the deal, for sure.

Guilt? Oh yeah. Mostly of the sneaky, hiding drinking thing. No integrity. That was the drinking me. That was the old me.

Happy weekend everyone!

Today steam train ride! Will post pics later….

Hugs🤗

Congratulations on shotgun Marty :c011:

Free2beme look forward to your pics.

In for a sober weekend!

I find this a very difficult subject to deal with. It makes me think thoughts I don't want to think. Quitting booze has removed the troughs of my regrets and stopped making them worse. They have not gone away though. As bim said, even normies are not immune from such feelings so it's good to acknowledge and share them.

Round of applause for Daisy.

Evening Weekenders and thanks Mags!

We had a good long weekend in the bush. Sadly, my punishment for taking a few days‘ leave has been an absolutely hectic week at work!

I did read every post in last week’s thread though, because it didn’t feel right to just jump into the new thread. Mags, I hope you get some good news for your wrist soon! Glad you had a nice trip Sao, and thanks for the great pics. Good to see that you are back, Lixie, I had been thinking of you. I loved all the hedge pics and Kaily, yes wisteria make excellent bonsai.

I think I got a few decent or at least interesting photos the past weekend and will try to post a few of them a bit later.