Just for today
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Canada
Posts: 19
Just for today
Hello,
I'm new here, and this is my second attempt at submitting a post.
Don't know where the first one went but no matter.
This is day 2 following the "dreaded office party" where once again I could not control my drinking and got totally smashed.
I have known for a long time that I am an alcoholic but it's only in the
last 2 years or so that my drinking has escalted to the point that I feel
I am no longer in control, and I realize that I need help.
So here I am, reading your posts and I feel better knowing that I am
not alone. I usually have wine (my poison of choice)every evening, but I will not have any tonight. I have to start somewhere and today is as good a day as any. I am also
thinking of maybe going to AA meetings, but I am very shy and don't know
what to expect. In fact, when I think back I think my shyness had alot to do
with me developing a drinking problem. I can be so witty and chatty
with a few drinks in me. I have to be honest, I feel sort of scared that
I will never again have that great feeling that comes after 2 or 3 drinks, even
though I cannot stand the hell that comes after my 7th or 8th....
The guilt and the feelings of hopelessness are so overwhelming yet I still
continue. But your posts have given me hope that I too may be able
to overcome this terrible weakness and get some order back into my life.
I'm new here, and this is my second attempt at submitting a post.
Don't know where the first one went but no matter.
This is day 2 following the "dreaded office party" where once again I could not control my drinking and got totally smashed.
I have known for a long time that I am an alcoholic but it's only in the
last 2 years or so that my drinking has escalted to the point that I feel
I am no longer in control, and I realize that I need help.
So here I am, reading your posts and I feel better knowing that I am
not alone. I usually have wine (my poison of choice)every evening, but I will not have any tonight. I have to start somewhere and today is as good a day as any. I am also
thinking of maybe going to AA meetings, but I am very shy and don't know
what to expect. In fact, when I think back I think my shyness had alot to do
with me developing a drinking problem. I can be so witty and chatty
with a few drinks in me. I have to be honest, I feel sort of scared that
I will never again have that great feeling that comes after 2 or 3 drinks, even
though I cannot stand the hell that comes after my 7th or 8th....
The guilt and the feelings of hopelessness are so overwhelming yet I still
continue. But your posts have given me hope that I too may be able
to overcome this terrible weakness and get some order back into my life.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Harrisburg, PA
Posts: 33
Welcome Iris. It's a great place.......I found it last weekend, read a whole lot and am so happy to report I am halfway thru Day 6 sober, without the demon grape. 
It can be done.......I'm sober proof!
It can be done.......I'm sober proof!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Dubh Linn - Ireland
Posts: 455
Welcome Iris!!!!!
SR is great support for all - filled with fellow addicts - much caring indeed. Ahhh yes the feeling after 2-3 drinks......and then after 2 bottles......No there is no going back. I am not a shy person and still had the same apprehensions about AA meetings. And I have to say that when I first went on 17 May 2003, I was paying lip service only. I knew I was alcoholic but could not accept it. AA kept me sober for short periods but I was not being true to myself. I would look at the twelve steps and cringe. The patches of sobriety were really my disease working very hard to break out as I was not committed to honesty and recovery you see. I think I thought that merely attending the meetings would infect me with sobriety.
Well in a way they have. I did put alot of AA into my head and have reached the point where I embrace willingly my acceptance of my alcoholism. I am not thinking of life without a drink because I didnt have a life with drink anymore you see. Guilt ruled and the aftermaths were tooo horrible. The hopelessness - Been there so often too! But today I am 2 weeks sober. A different sober to before because I am committed to leading my life today free from the bondage of alcohol. I find great solace in the fact that a journey of recovery is ahead using the 12 step programme to liberate me and give me a life beyond my wildest dreams. Quite a sales pitch you may think but it you attend meetings and listen carefully to alcoholics who have chosen this route you will know that it is true and see how serenity is achieveable.
I wish you well dear Iris and hope that this is the beginning of the rest of your sober and happy life too!!!! Luvs and Recovery Ama
SR is great support for all - filled with fellow addicts - much caring indeed. Ahhh yes the feeling after 2-3 drinks......and then after 2 bottles......No there is no going back. I am not a shy person and still had the same apprehensions about AA meetings. And I have to say that when I first went on 17 May 2003, I was paying lip service only. I knew I was alcoholic but could not accept it. AA kept me sober for short periods but I was not being true to myself. I would look at the twelve steps and cringe. The patches of sobriety were really my disease working very hard to break out as I was not committed to honesty and recovery you see. I think I thought that merely attending the meetings would infect me with sobriety.
Well in a way they have. I did put alot of AA into my head and have reached the point where I embrace willingly my acceptance of my alcoholism. I am not thinking of life without a drink because I didnt have a life with drink anymore you see. Guilt ruled and the aftermaths were tooo horrible. The hopelessness - Been there so often too! But today I am 2 weeks sober. A different sober to before because I am committed to leading my life today free from the bondage of alcohol. I find great solace in the fact that a journey of recovery is ahead using the 12 step programme to liberate me and give me a life beyond my wildest dreams. Quite a sales pitch you may think but it you attend meetings and listen carefully to alcoholics who have chosen this route you will know that it is true and see how serenity is achieveable.
I wish you well dear Iris and hope that this is the beginning of the rest of your sober and happy life too!!!! Luvs and Recovery Ama
The Serenity Plus Plan
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: The Garden State
Posts: 157
Welcome Iris and bruised ego!
Iris, I know what you are talking about when you say that after a couple of drinks you feel witty and love to chat. Everyone thought I was so outgoing and funny. I wouldn't stop at the two or three drinks, but would get drunk and become an obnoxious bore.
But you know what? I realized in sobriety I am still funny. I still love to chat. I like being around people. When I was drunk, I just isolated myself more and more because I knew that I would get drunk and be a jerk.
I was nervous too when I went to my first AA meeting. But it was one of the best things I could have done for myself. Here are all these people who've gone through all the same things that you've gone through. You should really give it a try. I tried stopping on my own and it didn't work for me. I wasn't drinking, but all the same behaviors, insecurities, etc. all remained.
I wish you all the best! Stick around!
Richard
Iris, I know what you are talking about when you say that after a couple of drinks you feel witty and love to chat. Everyone thought I was so outgoing and funny. I wouldn't stop at the two or three drinks, but would get drunk and become an obnoxious bore.
But you know what? I realized in sobriety I am still funny. I still love to chat. I like being around people. When I was drunk, I just isolated myself more and more because I knew that I would get drunk and be a jerk.
I was nervous too when I went to my first AA meeting. But it was one of the best things I could have done for myself. Here are all these people who've gone through all the same things that you've gone through. You should really give it a try. I tried stopping on my own and it didn't work for me. I wasn't drinking, but all the same behaviors, insecurities, etc. all remained.
I wish you all the best! Stick around!
Richard
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,505
Hi Iris,
Welcome to SR! I'm glad you found us.
It sounds like you have realized this is the time to regain control of your life. SR is a great place for support and encouragement. There was a time when I thought I was so much more interesting and clever after a drink or two and I thought I would be miserable in social settings without drinking at all, but now I feel just the opposite. I actually remember people I meet and what they tell me and I feel a lot better about myself.
I hope you keep visiting and let us know how you're doing.
Anna
Welcome to SR! I'm glad you found us.
It sounds like you have realized this is the time to regain control of your life. SR is a great place for support and encouragement. There was a time when I thought I was so much more interesting and clever after a drink or two and I thought I would be miserable in social settings without drinking at all, but now I feel just the opposite. I actually remember people I meet and what they tell me and I feel a lot better about myself.
I hope you keep visiting and let us know how you're doing.
Anna
knucklehead
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: earth
Posts: 694
Iris, Glad to read your post, I have had that feeling too. The one that tells me how great I feel with 1, 2 or 3 drinks bla, bla, bla. It is able to manifest in my body many different ways. I have discovered for my self It is not true. Yes the addict in me is a lier. It is just the addict in me showing me an illusion. It is a tricky one. I wouldnt be suprised if my addict is alot like your addict. As you know full well 1 drink is like quiksand. The first drink, I believe that is the most important drink, not to take. I am glad you have started this thread. Use it for your own personal gain.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Canada
Posts: 19
Thank you
I am very grateful to all of you who responded so quickly to my message.
I've been reading posts all morning and can really relate to Bruised Ego
and Katz. You both sound a lot like me, just have to have that wine after work...
I can't believe what started out as just weekend wine years ago has
become a daily habit,but I should have been more careful of myself as
I too come from a family where alcoholism is pretty rampant. My parents
both drank, Dad was a jovial beer drunk but Mom was a terrible, terrible
person when she drank. She only started drinking when I was in my teens
and the change in her was not to be believed and I swore that I would NEVER be like her. Well like they say, the apple never falls far from the tree... Still, it is wonderful to discover that there is hope for me.
I've been reading posts all morning and can really relate to Bruised Ego
and Katz. You both sound a lot like me, just have to have that wine after work...
I can't believe what started out as just weekend wine years ago has
become a daily habit,but I should have been more careful of myself as
I too come from a family where alcoholism is pretty rampant. My parents
both drank, Dad was a jovial beer drunk but Mom was a terrible, terrible
person when she drank. She only started drinking when I was in my teens
and the change in her was not to be believed and I swore that I would NEVER be like her. Well like they say, the apple never falls far from the tree... Still, it is wonderful to discover that there is hope for me.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Richmond, CA
Posts: 4
Hi Iris,
I'm new too - just started last night, actually. My demon is wine as well. So much of what you said was familiar to me. For me, I have realized that my drinking was isolating me -- or rather I had isolated myself by drinking a bottle of wine on Friday and Saturday nights each. I teach 4 nights a week, and that was the only thing that kept me from drinking a bottle a day. Now I'm cutting back and struggling to decide if I should stop altogether. I have depression and alcohol doesn't help the chemical imbalance...
Anyway, pick up that basketball and shoot a few hoops. Lord I wish I had someone to do that with! Consider yourself lucky. And, I found for my first sober night that it really helped to jump into a different routine -- I did something totally out of the ordinary for a Friday night.
rebecca
I'm new too - just started last night, actually. My demon is wine as well. So much of what you said was familiar to me. For me, I have realized that my drinking was isolating me -- or rather I had isolated myself by drinking a bottle of wine on Friday and Saturday nights each. I teach 4 nights a week, and that was the only thing that kept me from drinking a bottle a day. Now I'm cutting back and struggling to decide if I should stop altogether. I have depression and alcohol doesn't help the chemical imbalance...
Anyway, pick up that basketball and shoot a few hoops. Lord I wish I had someone to do that with! Consider yourself lucky. And, I found for my first sober night that it really helped to jump into a different routine -- I did something totally out of the ordinary for a Friday night.
rebecca
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Canada
Posts: 19
Thanks Rebecca,
I too suffer from depression and you're right that the alcohol is really not good for that.
And I too tend to isolate myself because I can no longer trust myself when I drink.
Oh I don't get smashed in public everytime I'm in a social situation where alcohol is present, but it's happened more than I'd like to remember. Friday night was the first
time in a long, long time, only because I do most of my drinking at home.
I'm married with one grown up child, no longer at home. My hubby likes his wine too
but he decided to stop cold turkey about 2 months ago. I don't know if he is an alcoholic, he says he thinks he is and so I guess it is so. I think I'm worse than him,
but I guess it is all relative. Thing is, he's been sort of "down"
since he stopped and I wonder if it is because he is not going to AA or getting any kind of counciling or maybe he's just down because I am still drinking....
If anyone has any input regarding this, I'd appreciate it.
I have to admit, he puts no pressure on me to stop because as he says it has to come from me. In spite of our problems with alcohol, we still have an intact marriage for which I am so grateful.We have been together for over 30years. (I got married young LOL!!) Actually I did, I was married at 19 so now you know my approximate age.(smile)
We don't have an abusive relationship, no drunken fights or throwing dishes or anything like that, but we slipped into this bad bad habit. Watching movies and drinking wine....gotta have that wine. I guess we are what you call "functional alcoholics". We both have good jobs and have never missed work because of alcohol
even though there are days when I went in so hungover that I sure wasn't as productive as I should have been.
I am going to give serious thought to going to a meeting as everyone here seems to
think it does help so much.
Question for the board. Do I have to get up and speak, because if I do, forget it.
I"ll never be able to do that....
I too suffer from depression and you're right that the alcohol is really not good for that.
And I too tend to isolate myself because I can no longer trust myself when I drink.
Oh I don't get smashed in public everytime I'm in a social situation where alcohol is present, but it's happened more than I'd like to remember. Friday night was the first
time in a long, long time, only because I do most of my drinking at home.
I'm married with one grown up child, no longer at home. My hubby likes his wine too
but he decided to stop cold turkey about 2 months ago. I don't know if he is an alcoholic, he says he thinks he is and so I guess it is so. I think I'm worse than him,
but I guess it is all relative. Thing is, he's been sort of "down"
since he stopped and I wonder if it is because he is not going to AA or getting any kind of counciling or maybe he's just down because I am still drinking....
If anyone has any input regarding this, I'd appreciate it.
I have to admit, he puts no pressure on me to stop because as he says it has to come from me. In spite of our problems with alcohol, we still have an intact marriage for which I am so grateful.We have been together for over 30years. (I got married young LOL!!) Actually I did, I was married at 19 so now you know my approximate age.(smile)
We don't have an abusive relationship, no drunken fights or throwing dishes or anything like that, but we slipped into this bad bad habit. Watching movies and drinking wine....gotta have that wine. I guess we are what you call "functional alcoholics". We both have good jobs and have never missed work because of alcohol
even though there are days when I went in so hungover that I sure wasn't as productive as I should have been.
I am going to give serious thought to going to a meeting as everyone here seems to
think it does help so much.
Question for the board. Do I have to get up and speak, because if I do, forget it.
I"ll never be able to do that....
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Dubh Linn - Ireland
Posts: 455
((((Iris))))
You dont have to say a word - just listen!!!!! And it would help hubby too as it teaches the mechanisms necessary for us to life full and happy lives. Dry drunk land is a very unhappy place too you see - it is not enough to just be sober. Recovery is what yields happiness and inner peace and contentment. The 12 step programme is what gives this. Be happy to be sober because without sobriety, recovery is impossible so you are on the straight path so be very happy with yourself!!!!!
Luvs and Recovery Ama
You dont have to say a word - just listen!!!!! And it would help hubby too as it teaches the mechanisms necessary for us to life full and happy lives. Dry drunk land is a very unhappy place too you see - it is not enough to just be sober. Recovery is what yields happiness and inner peace and contentment. The 12 step programme is what gives this. Be happy to be sober because without sobriety, recovery is impossible so you are on the straight path so be very happy with yourself!!!!!
Luvs and Recovery Ama
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
Hi and welcome back!
Alcholism is highly progressive and it only get's worse. As you've already seen where you didn't expect to go, I was the same, swore I wouldn't be like my relatives who are alcoholics, but wasn't gifted that option. Please keep trying one day at a time, there is nothing to fear, and you WILL learn how to be social again, without the booze. Find a means of support in your area, there are many recovery options available. Be strong! We have online meetings here if you'd like to stop by and see how it works.
Alcholism is highly progressive and it only get's worse. As you've already seen where you didn't expect to go, I was the same, swore I wouldn't be like my relatives who are alcoholics, but wasn't gifted that option. Please keep trying one day at a time, there is nothing to fear, and you WILL learn how to be social again, without the booze. Find a means of support in your area, there are many recovery options available. Be strong! We have online meetings here if you'd like to stop by and see how it works.
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