Don’t lie
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,691
Don’t lie
That’s what someone said to me today when they asked about how sobriety was going. It’s par for the course though isn’t it as alkies not in recovery lie all the time don’t they. It’s lowered my mood a little though.
oh well now to crack on…gotta get my ass to church!!!
Btw this is my day 5
oh well now to crack on…gotta get my ass to church!!!
Btw this is my day 5
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Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,414
If someone else seems overly concerned about me telling lies or having some other behavior issue, I figure that it's probably because that person would have done that exact thing in the same situation. I would be concerned about that person's honesty at this point.
01-14-2019
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,217
Early sobriety is rough and a comment like that will sting, but let it roll off your back. Like fishkiller said, it’s about you.
I don’t know the specifics of your relationship with the commenter but sometimes it just takes time to rebuild trust with others when we get sober. That said, I have absolutely told people I wasn’t drinking when I was. So I can understand where it came from and reading these boards learned that only sober time helps rebuild that trust.
Well done on 5 days, keep going!
I don’t know the specifics of your relationship with the commenter but sometimes it just takes time to rebuild trust with others when we get sober. That said, I have absolutely told people I wasn’t drinking when I was. So I can understand where it came from and reading these boards learned that only sober time helps rebuild that trust.
Well done on 5 days, keep going!
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
Early sobriety is hard for just about anyone. Then we have the questions and commentary from random people that can get us sideways.
Its no ones business. You can turn the question on them and ask how they are doing in their sobriety? How are they getting along in whatever they are doing? Really show interest even if you are not interested. Just flood them with questions that are personal.
Keep moving forward.
Its no ones business. You can turn the question on them and ask how they are doing in their sobriety? How are they getting along in whatever they are doing? Really show interest even if you are not interested. Just flood them with questions that are personal.
Keep moving forward.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
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This person doesn’t know me well at all. They are however a mental health carer who I’ve discussed sobriety with before so the question was not so impertinent. I’ve never lied to her before though.
As they don’t know me well it’s more a statement about alcoholics and heavy drinkers in general or themselves (as others have said here) and not a statement about me or my trustworthiness.
Im going to take a walk, with luck and god willing that will help me put this in perspective.
Unfortunately my mind has gone into “well if this person doubts you now what if other people doubt me about other stuff later down the line”
As they don’t know me well it’s more a statement about alcoholics and heavy drinkers in general or themselves (as others have said here) and not a statement about me or my trustworthiness.
Im going to take a walk, with luck and god willing that will help me put this in perspective.
Unfortunately my mind has gone into “well if this person doubts you now what if other people doubt me about other stuff later down the line”
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 4,406
Your actions are the only thing that will prove your words, so just keep going. It takes a while to gain trust, and isn't that to be expected? And rude people will still be rude, but you'll be sober so you don't have to care about the thoughts of others. Just do you and don't worry about things that are out of your control, like what people MIGHT think in the future. It's a time-waster and energy suck. Good for you on 5 days. Keep going.
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Join Date: Sep 2021
Location: Central NC
Posts: 205
One of the most hurtful things I ever heard was when my youngest daughter said that I'm "supposedly sober" now. I was a hider and managed to maintain the appearance of a normal lifestyle, while drinking all day everyday. Quite a few people didn't know I was drinking at all, much less the extent of it. I asked many of them once I got sober and they told me they didn't have a clue.
As others have said, your recovery is yours and yours alone. It is understandably bothersome when someone doesn't believe you've changed, but you and God know you have. As I've often heard in recovery, "What others think of me is none of my business." That's a mental and spiritual process you have to undergo, but it's vital in order to protect your sobriety.
As others have said, your recovery is yours and yours alone. It is understandably bothersome when someone doesn't believe you've changed, but you and God know you have. As I've often heard in recovery, "What others think of me is none of my business." That's a mental and spiritual process you have to undergo, but it's vital in order to protect your sobriety.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
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I'm sorry you feel down about the comment. But, as others have said, this is not on you. It's on the person who made the comment. That said, alcoholics do lie and I know I was frustrated in early recovery that those close to me did not immediately accept that I no longer lied. It took time and it took patience from me until that happened.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
ya know...people say things all the time that I would rather they didn't say. As it is and ever shall be, forever and ever Amen. 
I was super sensitive in early sobriety. ANY little thing that I could misconstrue you had better believe I did that. If anyone even used the word, "You," (to me) I practically had a meltdown.
I really think alcohol does a number on Healthy Boundaries between people. In early sobriety I felt like everyone was looking at me and everyone was judging me. Turns out it was me who was trying to mind-read and over-analyze and judging. With time away from those thoughts I've figured out I can't really understand what people mean without asking them, I can't mind-read and most people are generally talking about themselves or their situation when they make judgements about others.
A walk will be just the thing. Always works for me.
I was super sensitive in early sobriety. ANY little thing that I could misconstrue you had better believe I did that. If anyone even used the word, "You," (to me) I practically had a meltdown.
I really think alcohol does a number on Healthy Boundaries between people. In early sobriety I felt like everyone was looking at me and everyone was judging me. Turns out it was me who was trying to mind-read and over-analyze and judging. With time away from those thoughts I've figured out I can't really understand what people mean without asking them, I can't mind-read and most people are generally talking about themselves or their situation when they make judgements about others.
A walk will be just the thing.
Always works for me.Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
It was simply a comment made by a person. The weight given to it, the length of time you carry it, and the level you personally take it, are all up to you. Put the rock (comment) down on the ground and walk away. No matter what anybody says to me, they can't begin to hurt me near as much as my actions did when I was drinking. Alcohol poses a greater potential threat to my well being than mere mortals do.
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Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 103
Perhaps the comment was meant to encourage you to be truthful about how difficult early recovery can be, not to accuse you of lying about drinking. It is much easier to say things are fine when they aren't, rather than outwardly acknowledge that they aren't. Someone with experience with mental health and particularly addictions (not to mention other alcoholics) might know how important it is to be open and honest when things are not easy, even if you aren't drinking.
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Thanks everyone for your kind words and suggestions. The walk was good so after spending some time on a uk based mental health forum just socialising really and being of service to others (sidebyside.mind.org.uk) I’m now sitting down to a soccer game
Several people have quite helpfully mentioned that what others think about you doesn’t matter and is non of your business. That seems the sensible and correct way to flow through life but my guess is it’s something you must feel in your heart and can’t be suddenly learnt.
I will pass the desire to live in that way to my higher power and get on with my day.
Best wishes
Several people have quite helpfully mentioned that what others think about you doesn’t matter and is non of your business. That seems the sensible and correct way to flow through life but my guess is it’s something you must feel in your heart and can’t be suddenly learnt.
I will pass the desire to live in that way to my higher power and get on with my day.
Best wishes
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
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Originally Posted by nez 
It was simply a comment made by a person. The weight given to it, the length of time you carry it, and the level you personally take it, are all up to you. Put the rock (comment) down on the ground and walk away.
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