StartAnew68

Why is it I keep letting people down?
My dad has had a stroke and is now in a care home. There is no way mum could cope at home. He is now allowed visitors. He is awake but is not aware of anything.
More than ever she needs support. Yet despite knowing that I’ve still ‘hit the bottle’.
My partner, Steve, is the best I could wish for. Yet I’ve let him down again.
Why am I so blasted weak?
Anyway, I’ve taken the cowards way out.
A huge thank you to this group for all the support I’ve had over the years since I joined.

Dee74

Don;t beat yourself up too much - it will only lead to more drinking.

For years I thought I was weak, lacking courage and self indulgent...everytime life got real I ran away to the bottle.

It turns out I was a hard working dependable and thoughtful human being who was more capable than I ever knew...but one with a problem.

Deal with the problem and find the real you, StartANew .

D

Hevyn

Hi, StartAnew! It's so good to see you.
I never could figure out why. I thought it helped with anxiety, but it did just the opposite. Numb & foggy is a horrible way to go through life. We don't have to. You can get free & stay that way. Let's try this again.

Free2bme888

Welcome back. You got this. 😃

least

I don't know why I kept drinking when it was obviously hurting me and those I love. But I finally wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink. And have stayed sober ever since that day.

Mizz

I do agree with Dee.
Deal with the problem. Live in the solution. Don't let this be a full blown drinking fest. You can turn this around. You are not weak but you are possibly using alcohol to cope with overwhelming feelings. At least that is what I have read. You can deal with this with a clear head and heart!

ScottFromWI

I found out that asking "why" was indeed part of the problem for me - and accepting my addiction for what it is was the solution. It's not about weakness vs strength either - but it's important to know that you do have a choice in the matter.

Nonsensical

Asking better questions helped me get better.
How am I going to stop letting people down?
is a better question.

Best of Luck on Your Journey.

Khorhey

Have been on and off for many years. Last relapse my wife said she was very disappointed. I told her I’m sick of it too. I guess we just need to get sick of it messing up our lives and make that stronger than the addiction. Because at our level there is no social drinking it’s an addiction that needs to be broken. Just health issues alone make it worth it.

Anyhoo good news is I’m 14 days without beer. Picking up my son from school this afternoon. Don’t have to worry about DUI or him wondering why his dad is drinking beer in the car.

Good luck OP you can do it if you want to.

DriGuy

Why was irrelevant in my case. I was addicted. Asking why I was addicted is a very interesting academic question, but has very little to do with the solution. You can deal with it later if you want to. But eventually, everyone of us has to face the solution and stop drinking. I think we get caught up in "why?" because it's seems like it would make the solution easier. But the actual mechanics of changing our behavior is always going to be the challenge that it is and the challenge you must face. It would be nice if it wasn't as hard as it is. But it is what it is, and that's it.

The cravings and the insanity will leave after you get the behavior part taken care of, but this is only the beginning. You will next have to get your head straight and deal with any funny ideas you have about taking up drinking again.

novips

I have come to conclude there is a type of alcoholic who can only stay sober via the recovery program set forth in Alcoholics Anonymous. If you are that type (like I am), then you will keep drinking -- regardless of the costs to you and others -- until you embrace the A.A. way of life. Feel free to PM me if you want to chat more about that.