lonelyfella

well...
i have been struggling with addiction for a few years now.......{cocaine,crystal meth and alcohol)
it has cost me my entire life......girlfriend of 20 years, my company, and to an extent...my family.
i now find myself living on my own, back in the area i was born in a shared house and living on universal credit.
I am all alone....sometimes i dont see another human for weeks at a time... I have managed to kick using crystal meth....
but i cant quit drinking and cocaine use....although i really want to but because i am so alone...drinking helps pass the time and the cocaine makes me feel better temporarily...........

id love to meet a girl.....hang out... and do normal stuff with.......i just feel like i dont know anyone .... im middle aged.....
and dont really know how to go about it tbh.... i just know

i need a reason to go out of this room so i can grow back to my normal self.....

UNITE4STRENGTH

hi there. I empathise and I appreciate your sharing and your honesty. Your reason is YOU. You are definitely worth the fight to be free from addiction (or if never free, then at least free from active addictions)....I'm middle aged too and on my own so you are definitely not alone in this. I wish you every success with the cocaine and the drink. Cross addiction is an issue for me too.

RUL23

You've got friends here. Stay close, stay positive, start working on a plan and anything is possible 😀 look forward to getting to
know you a bit.

lonelyfella

may i ask how your coping with it all?
the situation i find myself in now just seems to have no way out, i dont have any friends anymore (users of whatevers) no partner....an no family to speak of.....................so not a lot really!

thankyou for repling anyway.....its nice to talk to someone...

UNITE4STRENGTH

that's ok. I'm coping in the sense that I'm still fighting for long term sobriety after 26 years....I got 440 days sober but then relapsed again in August. I have been to rehab, I learned a lot there. My job is on the line.....I'm in private rented accommodation so the pressure is on. Career is going no where. I must achieve long term sobriety then things could change. I joined this forum because I need as much connection as possible to succeed. So yeah, my mental health isn't good at the moment. I don't really have any meaningful contact with family. The odds are against me but I still have my ultimate dream of becoming a well-adjusted adult with a happy life!

lonelyfella

It seems like you are fighting it all as opposed to hiding from it....... which is the right path imo.... you will get it right im sure.
im still in the hiding stage.....hahahaha

RAL

Welcome to SR. Maybe join the September class too where you will meet lots of people at the same stage as you


https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-part-one.html

MythOfSisyphus

Welcome to SR @lonelyfella! I'm glad you found us here. Lots of us have been where you're at now and found the way out. You'll find lots of support and understanding here.

MythOfSisyphus

Booze and drugs feels like a refuge...at first. It's both journey and destination, a companion for boring times and a salve for your troubles. But over time it becomes a prison, not a refuge. It drains all the joy out of life and leaves you with nothing. It makes you more alone. But it doesn't have to be that way, @lonelyfella. It starts with the first step.

lonelyfella

I totally agree....and its a depressant so being depressed and pouring that on top only a fool would do...except....
it has been getting me through the days (time wise) as all i have for company is my tv at the mo.

MythOfSisyphus

I can kind of understand that. TV gets a bit old when it's your only companion. I've been on work comp (in the US a worker with a workplace injury gets paid while they're unable to work) for a little over six months. My job was kind of my social life as well (chef) so things are a bit monotonous right now. Work kind of kept me connected to the world, so to speak. It's a bit hard to fill the days sometimes! In the past it would have been worse, I'd be drunk by midnite, then by noon the next day I'd swear I wouldn't do it to myself again, knowing full well I'd be drunk again that night.

What helped you get off the meth? AVRT and this forum helped me get sober, been almost nine years now.

It might sounds stupid, but sometimes the thing that gets you out of the house is just walking out of the house! Go for a walk, clear your head, see something besides the same four walls.

lonelyfella

I HEAR THAT!! i can believe what i am about to type....so i will keep it very brief and not the whole story....but i was running my own company, drinking down the pub everynight squashing in as many beers as poss before going home to my then partner...bit of coke here and there...and it grew and grew.....until one day i said to her...im popping out to see my dad.........i came back 2 years later....i took the clothes on my back... i went to do drugs without the shame i felt every night at home...ended up in a place where meth was the done thing..so i did it....one day i woke up feeling like i was going to die there......so cold turky on the meth front...went bak to my old house and my x partner....2 years later....naturally... she was broken...i was withdrawing...i ended up alone in a town i grew up in..... we tried to keep talking etc...but there is too much spilled milk.

MythOfSisyphus

That's tough. We can't do anything to change the past but the future is unwritten. The days ahead can be better than the ones behind. It's hard to make peace with the past, I get that. But if you're still on the green side of the grass it's not too late to have a better future. Maybe time to make a change? It doesn't sound like you have anything to lose by trying.

freedomfries

Well done on giving up meth. I've experimented with it though never got addicted. The rush is very intense. It must have been hard to quit. You can quit coke and alcohol too like you did meth. And start to rebuild your life.

lonelyfella

i have to try.......i have come a long way to get here! (turns out when i got to the lowest i could go, i found out it had a basement!!)..... just got to find a way to get happy and content again........

MythOfSisyphus

You've take a great step to realize something has to change. Honestly I drank like a fish for 25 years and at least the last 20 made me miserable. Deep down I figured "someday" I'd quit or maybe I'd learn to moderate and control my drinking. Eventually I reached a point so low where I just surrendered to it. I had no idea if life would be worth living sober but it definitely wasn't worth living drunk. So I took a leap of faith that there would be something worth living for in sobriety. It was shocking just how much better it was, and I soon realized I'd been a fool for most of my life.

It's not always easy but once you plant that seed...

MythOfSisyphus

Yeah, I feel that! Each time I thought things couldn't get worse I found a way to make them worse! It didn't get better til I stopped digging the hole deeper.

freedomfries

Unfortunately there is no lowest. At each rock bottom we can always break out the power drill. I've done it several times.

lonelyfella

...

meth was never my thing....i did it because it was available at the time.......coaine and alcohol however i loved....now i hate what it has made me do...

lonelyfella

very wise people.... and i cant thank you enough for just talking to me.........