LeadHatter

I'm in therapy and its not going well. That's a good enough excuse to drink. But it is an excuse largely. Recently I bought a half bottle of spirits on two occasions and thought that that was an escalation I was concerned about. I have cut down from time to time and occasionally had a day with not drinking but since i didn't immediately feel the benefit the next day I was discouraged and though "well I feel bad the next day whether I drink or not so I may as well enjoy myself and drink". My liver isn't currently throwing up warning signs in blood tests but has done in the past.

Ideally I wish I could just drink moderately once a week but I never seem to attain this. I'm so in the habit of drinking. Its easy. Sometimes it makes you happy and there is no skill required. I'm really depressed though. I've bought a pushbike and a punch bag but not using them much. I'm too sad/too lazy to go for walks which may help me. I'm hoping to try the "couch to 5k" program from Monday but who knows if I will manage it.

I need help. Please help me.

LeadHatter aka Kevin

DriGuy

You are right. Drinking is easy. Can you think of anything easier that drinking something and then sitting back on the couch? It sounds like the thrill is starting to wear off, and it will. And then it gets worse. When you are truly ready to quit, it's not going to be as easy as drinking something and sitting on the couch. It will take some effort. Hang out here and read how others have done it. All I will say right now that sobriety was a wonderful achievement for me, and totally rewarding.

Anna

Moderating or controlling drinking is not possible for alcoholics. Most of us here have tried that path multiple times and failed. The good news is that you can stop drinking completely and live a happy life. It's good to know that alcohol is a depressant and it will continue to steal the energy from your life. I hope you decide to live a sober life.

nez

So why pursue it?

If it makes you happy, why are you here? The fact that you are here, would seem to point to the idea that it is not really working for you the way you want it to. So why pursue it?

If I were to hit the lottery, I would probably say it made me happy. If I never hit the lottery again, would,that mean that I would never ever be happy in my life again?

Happy is a state of mind and not contingent upon external events or things, before it can occur. It can occur despite external events and things.

I recently had to put my 13 year old German Shepherd down and it crushed me. I also am facing more loss in the undetermined future. I cry at my loss, but I remember to smile because of the 13 beautiful years that also occurred.

Alcohol does not make me happy. It can't really do that. It doesn't have that ability. It can numb me or blot out my emotions so that I don't feel...but that is not to be confused with happy.

Happy comes from wanting what I get, not from getting what I want. I got 13 years with Peja. I wanted more. I smile because of the 13 years.

UNITE4STRENGTH

I empathise, I reached a point where I was drinking against my will - a bottle of wine for breakfast and throwing it back up. I went to rehab and got 440 days sober. But I recently relapsed. I've almost completed 2 days sober and I never want to have to go through this again. I've tried to quit and relapsed so many times....I'm actually scared now but there must be a way to succeed because others have done it.

ScottFromWI

Well, you are in good company there LeadHatter at least, we've all wished that at one point or another. I can tell you from personal experience that I tried ever form of moderation that there is and even invented several of my own. I even joined a movement called "moderation managment" that had a book, a website and even a forum/community of people dedicated to moderation.

Bottom line though - if you are indeed an alcoholic then moderation is simply not possible - period. Whether you call it cutting back, taking a break, moderation, etc - it's all the same thing and it's all impossible for an addict. And while we can't give you a definitive answer as to whether or not you are, the title of your thread should tell you a lot. People who want to drink less that aren't addicts just drink less, they don't need help doing so.

Dee74

Hi and welcome back Kevin

I tried to be that moderate drinker for 20 years. But every time after that first drink hit me, all my good intent went out the window.

My relationship with alcohol is toxic.

I can drink, or have the life I want to live - but not both.

I found accepting that, and accepting that I really needed to be a non drinker, was easier than drinking then having to clean up the mess afterward…

D

lessgravity

As Scott put it, we've all been there. I don't think there's anyone among us who didn't, at some point, if not many points, along their journey to sobriety, wish that they could just drink like a "normal person" or just have a few, enjoy wine now and then etc et al ad infinitium. Therein lies the rub, as they say. If that was possible we wouldn't be here.

I like the simplicity and truth in this - those who need to moderate cannot, and those who can moderate don't need to.

The sooner you give up the hope that you might just be able to drink without causing harm to your self and your life and those around you, the sooner you will start living the life that you deserve and truly want. It's not easy, but it is simple.

Hevyn

Hi LeadHatter. I'm so glad you wanted to talk about what's going on.
As was mentioned by others, I wanted desperately to be a social drinker. Just wanted to have fun & relax on days off & never overdo it, have hangovers or regrets. Trying to manage the amounts I drank was never possible for me. Over the years, drinking became a necessity, & I was completely dependent on it. I'd give anything to go back to the early warning signs & take action before it nearly destroyed my life.
It's good you're here. You can get free.

dpac414

I drank hard for three/four years waiting for something to change, with the hope that I would somehow grow out of it and know how to drink like a normal person, and that one day it would magically happen for me. I then drank for another year fully knowing that the only way was to stop completely but not fully accepting how much work that would take. I had to change nearly everything about my current life in order to support a sober one. It wasn't easy but it also was not impossible. I've been able to maintain sobriety for over 2.5 years at this point and while I am always vigilant, that version of myself feels almost like a stranger.

Logging in and reading here every day definitely helped, as well as posting as much as I could on my own thread and others' threads. I added AA meetings and stopped going places where I used to drink, stopped doing activities I did while I drank, stopped hanging out with people I only drank with, and became better friends with those who supported my sobriety. After the huge step into sobriety, I took baby steps to start developing a life I really wanted. I didn't hardcore exercise, but I took long walks in places that made me feel at peace. I checked in on my sober app and logged how I was feeling until I felt strong enough to stand on my own. I created a safety net for cravings and then created a safety net for that safety net. As long as I didn't drink, I could take everything else as slow as I wanted. It eventually snowballed into more and more ways to continue supporting sobriety as the days added up.

Quitting drinking is a fine line between being very strict with yourself but also being kind and gentle. Cut yourself some slack but also don't let things slide. It's a balancing act you will start to learn over time. I truly think the only way is to just stop completely. Even though I've been sober for a while now, I know I am still an alcoholic because whenever I think about drinking, I want to drink to get drunk. If I ever were to relapse, I'd do it fully knowing that I am doing it to get drunk, no pretenses.

Idk if any of this will help, but when I was starting out here I found that reading about how people did it and then taking the bits and pieces of those stories that worked for me helped me patch work my own sobriety. Best of luck.

DBRS814

100%. When I drink it becomes my life. The rest of what happens hinges on keeping my BAC up.

Good news is sober life is peaceful life. My actions are not at the mercy of how loaded I was at the time. Like Dee said, it's one or the other for most of us. Moderation is impossible.

Evoo

Be honest with yourself. Do you really enjoy having just one small drink, stopping for the night, and going to sleep? The fact that you're here tells me the answer is probably no.

I'll be real with you, you can't address the depression/mental health stuff until you give up the alcohol -- completely. It's chemically impossible. Alcohol messes with your nervous system, it creates odd highs and lows, it dehydrates you, destroys your gut flora, and can leave you that much more depressed and anxious while in hangover/withdrawal.

It's harder to quit when you have underlining psychological reasons fueling your alcoholism... but it's that much more important that you do. It will be hard work, but the very first step to wellness has to be pouring out that drink and never picking up another one.

SouthernSober

Not a direct quote, but close enough: "It is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker that one day he shall control and enjoy his drinking."--AA BB

I do believe that is true--and it couldn't be more true for me after 30+ years of it and back on another quit (3 weeks today). 15 years AA off and on (when it's on, it works).

The only thing that changed when I went from blackout, .40 BAC vodka drinking and detoxes...to nursing a 6-pack of light beer...was that I stayed "out there" longer and wound up even sicker, fatter and more miserable.

It says your join date in Jan 2011--what about you? How've things progressed, or regressed, in that time?

best, SS

ZIP

'Hatter, your post speaks volumes, and i'm glad you're getting treatment.
I think many of us went into AA, counseling, inpatient programs, etc, with an AV that was
​​​kicking and screaming. Our habit of drinking and our personal comfort level becomes challenged.
I hope you give it time and put forth the effort to participate. You might wish to carefully re-read your writing. It's time to stop drinking...for good.

Nonsensical

I want to accept my Oscar with Scarlett Johansson on my arm.
I want to kick the winning goal in the World Cup.
I want to pick wildly profitable stocks every day, making billions and billions.
I want to drink one day a week and enjoy it like a normal person.

Fantasies can be fun. They make me happy to think about every once in a while. But when I put too much thought and effort into them, it starts to be delusional and/or obsessive. Then they rob me of my joy and contentment. Fretting about the things I cannot have prevents me from getting the things I could have. I am no longer willing to give up the things I can have for the things I cannot have. That price is too high. As lessgravity says, "I've paid enough, I'm not paying any more."

Best of Luck on Your Journey.

DriGuy

If you are an alcoholic, moderation doesn't work. The reason it's different for alcoholics is that each drink we take, set's up a different biological response than it does in others. It makes us feel good momentarily, but as our liver starts to break it down, byproducts (toxins) are released that cause irritability, anxiety, and craving that can only be satisfied with another drink. We understand this at a deep level without having to even think, but from experience we know that another drink will ease the trauma. This reaction is not the same for normies. It either doesn't happen during the breakdown or their bodies don't have the same traumatic response to the breakdown.

Now it makes logical sense to ease the trauma with another drink, but that next drink is the same as the first, momentary relief followed by an even bigger biological reaction adding to the byproducts of breakdown that are already there. And this will continue until we drink ourselves into oblivious sleep, or until we get sick enough that we can't drink anymore.

It is biological, at least to begin with. There is nothing wrong with our heads, so it's not psychological, at least to begin with. But alcoholism does have a psychological component too. We have reinforced easing the truma with so much alcohol, that our brains become conditioned to wanting to drink for any reason, even if those reasons aren't associated with the biological process that started the whole thing. Something is wrong? Have a drink! We trick ourselves into believing alcohol can cure whatever ails us. This is a psychological response.

lonelyfella

I drink when im happy, I drink when im sad... even when you know that day after you over id it you cant bare a thought of a drink...i'll have a little drink...and the next day when i feel good again.....oh..i feel good...lets get 8 cans and half a bottle....

AAPJ

Great topic. The best comment regarding moderation I ever heard at a live meeting was:

When I was moderating alcohol I was not enjoying it and when I was enjoying alcohol I was not moderating it.

Links to my favorite moderation threads follow below. Lots of good thoughts in both threads.

This one was started by lessgravity:
My guide to moderation - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information (My guide to moderation)

This one was started by MelindaFlowers:
My Story of Moderation - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information (My Story of Moderation)

DriGuy

Yeah, that's how it was for me. I was either drinking to take the edge off a bad day, or drinking to celebrate a good day, and if neither situation applied, I would drink anyway. When I finally admitted I had a problem, I started to analyze the reasons I drank. I guess I was thinking that if I could figure out why, I could somehow manipulate the situations to control myself. It was a surprise to realize that anything that happened that day was reason to drink. And the flip side of that was that my drinking didn't have anything to do with what was happening at any given time. I was addicted, and that was the reason I drank.

Mizz

I wanted to drink less too. Always. I just could not seem to make that happen despite all my best efforts. I get a gold star for all the effort and determination I put into trying to moderate my active alcoholism. The only way that I found to be free of the struggle is to quit completely and get on with my life.