Son’s arrest shocked me even tho it’s for the best
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 870
Son’s arrest shocked me even tho it’s for the best
Hi, I’ve been away for a while and sadly, drinking on and off. Things with my son got MUCH worse if that was even possible. ..I (stupidly) invited him back home as he was literally homeless but he was so unbelievably rude , coercively asked for huge amounts of money and gaslighted me in a really abusive way about my mental health which is fine when I’m not drinking ( NB I didn’t drink at all when he was here).. then he started sending messages to my friends and work colleagues and putting derogatory and untrue stuff on Twitter which could really harm my career eg saying I’d abused him which is completely untrue. So I took my courage in both hands and went to the police who arrested him for coercive control. He was given a community sentence with a rehabilitation requirement, unpaid work etc. Although I am very sad about this, I have to look at it as a fresh start for me and hope social services and the probation people can help help him with a job, housing etc… because I simply can’t support him any more…I just can’t ! :-( .. So my fresh start must prioritise not drinking and getting myself back on track. I really can’t see him or call him and the Non Molestation Order I took out prevents this anyway? What a sad tale !
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
Originally Posted by Icandothis2013 
Thank you Mizz. We certainly need a loooong break from each other but I fear he will get into even more trouble. He seeks it out ! :-(
i hope you’re well by the way !
i hope you’re well by the way !
A looooong break sounds like the best medicine for this situation. It is good you made it back to the forum and have decided to quit drinking. Onwards and Upwards!
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
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Welcome back Icandothis. Sorry to hear that things have escalated to this point for your son but honestly it's a huge positive step for you to have taken this action and set a firm boundary in place. Hold firm as he will most certainly try to get around the rules and continue his abuse of you, just like he did when you had the previous restraining order. I agree with others that reading about co-dependence could be of help to you.
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Welcome back. I'm sorry to hear that things ended up this way, but I do think it's for the best. Your son was going to continue to abuse you unless you took legal action. This can be a time for you to be kind to yourself and to work on your recovery. 
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Join Date: Oct 2012
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I hate that you're dealing with this, @Icandothis2013. But I'm glad you're here and recommitting to sobriety!
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
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Enough IS enough ICDT.
I'm going through similar with my daughter, but not the same. My daughter has schizophrenia and the stress involved has made me ill. Given enough stress empathy will depart, and that's how it's become for me. She dumps on me relentlessly, and I have nothing left to give.
Finding ways to detach and ditch the guilt is my goal. It's got to work out better for us both in end. Feeling much more comfortable with this decision now. Realise I have a right to a life as well. Had to move from an intellectual understanding of this to an understanding within my soul.
I think the same for you.
Onwards now.
I'm going through similar with my daughter, but not the same. My daughter has schizophrenia and the stress involved has made me ill. Given enough stress empathy will depart, and that's how it's become for me. She dumps on me relentlessly, and I have nothing left to give.
Finding ways to detach and ditch the guilt is my goal. It's got to work out better for us both in end. Feeling much more comfortable with this decision now. Realise I have a right to a life as well. Had to move from an intellectual understanding of this to an understanding within my soul.
I think the same for you.
Onwards now.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 870
Thank you everyone … and to Steely, I agree about when there is so much stress, you lose all empathy. My son doesn’t have any empathy for me anyway .. and two people without empathy for each other trying to communicate is a non-starter ! But I do feel bad for doing what I did, well because he’s my son, but Scott’s right, I’ve got to hold strong otherwise it will only all start up again.I like the phrase “an understanding within my soul” and will aim for that too ! I hope you’re Ok ! x
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