Originally Posted by DriGuy

I have been sober for 25 years and 8 months. How many years was I trying to quit is harder to calculate. There were about 10 years where I tried to not drink so much, but I had no plan to actually quit. I was just trying to get my drinking under control. Whether that counts as "trying to quit" I'm not sure, but I believe it is almost universal for alcoholics to attempt to get control before they swear off for good. So it is probably part of the eventual quitting process, waste of time that it was.

I started actually getting serious after those attempts to control when I entered a swiftly declining downward spiral, where I finally realized I had zero control. In this crisis stage, it became clear that my problem was serious, and that's when I started seeing counselors, and I started attempting to go without alcohol, although I had no formal plan on how to do that. It was just a continual battle of cravings, usually caving for three days followed by weeks of more drinking.

So how long I was trying to quit depends on whether you count attempts at control, or just the frightening nightmare of the downward spiral, which would be about one year. Although, I had no realistic or workable plan at that time. I was trying to quit, but what was actually happening was that I was aimlessly floundering.

But I remember the day I quit with vivid clarity, where two important things happened and I turned the corner. And this was the 5th day without a drink during the worst cravings I had ever experienced. I decided to go to AA. I don't consider going to AA as the key or one of the important events that turned the corner for me, but I had two swift perception changes at that meeting that were surprisingly sudden and changed my life dramatically.

1. Some old timer pointed out that one of the goals in AA was lifetime sobriety, and I intuitively understood the importance of that at a level I had never before grasped. I decided to honestly accept that as a "truth," and I would honestly embrace that goal.

2. The other thing that happened was that I recognized AA as a safe environment. While I could never accept the program, I was drawn to the fellowship, and decided to spend a couple hours a day getting ready for a meeting, attending, and having coffee with the others afterwards. While others were out getting drunk, I would go to AA meetings, because I sure as Hell wasn't going to be getting drunk at meetings, and a couple of hours of nightly fellowship got me through each day.

So in a span of hours I went from my most nightmarish cravings to adopting a new life. Cravings quickly became manageable, and I started to become more and more confident. I was no longer trying to quit. I had quit, and it was for good. I knew what I had to do, and I happily welcomed the tasks that lay before me. Never did I grudge a moment of my recovery, even during the not so great moments.

Originally Posted by UNITE4STRENGTH

I will try to sort a stronger recovery in terms of the work I'm putting in.

Originally Posted by UNITE4STRENGTH

What I know now is that I never want to go through home detox alone at my flat again. I cannot allow this to happen again.

Originally Posted by UNITE4STRENGTH

I have been trying to either control or quit for good for 19 years now. I reached 440 days sober and was overcome by a compulsion to drink, I think because I had had a mental relapse (bad, child-like attitude) and I wasn't putting much effort into my recovery.

Originally Posted by UNITE4STRENGTH

My next step is to find a sponsor I think.....I will get 30 days and go to a meeting. I must try to use my voice at meetings. I must. Day 2 nearly complete here, although it's probably a day 4,082 or something because I've been in the cycle now so many years I just see the whole addiction journey as a process now. I just hope that this time I can achieve abstinence for the rest of my days. I very much doubt I will unless I throw myself into the program. Which means I'm now at a point where I have no choice but to actually throw myself into the program!!