Djgua59

I’m struggling with being on the straight @ narrow I’ve lied to the ones I love & have hurt them in ways that it’s like the end of the world to them, it’s liked I’m committing murder I have hurt them. I come from a family of alcoholics. They like to party & have a good time. I grew accustomed to socially drinking , then progression sets in, I brought my children up to be honest & respectful, but I don’t practice what I preach. Why is it excepting for everyone around them but not me. I struggle with this. I don’t drink in front of them but I sneak it behind there backs so they don’t see me, I’ve lied in the past so my past haunts me because they say why is now any different, I’ve lost all of there respect & I can’t see my grandkids not that I have ever drank in front of them or ever put them in danger, they say they support me but I’m in it by myself. I guess I’m asking when someone does you wrong for no control over there actions you punish them by seclusion. Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated,

biminiblue

Welcome to the forums.

Family will quite often forgive in time if we do stay sober. I don't think I would blame them for excluding me if I had caused them pain repeatedly.
I would say that you do have control over your actions. When I'm sober I don't hurt the ones I love in terrible ways. I do have control over what I put in my own mouth.

Have you ever stopped drinking for any period of time? Like for years? Start with not drinking and let your family see that you can be responsible and kind...it takes Time for them to see you are serious.

MythOfSisyphus

Welcome to SR, @Djgua59! I'm glad you found us here.

Buckley3

Welcome! Kudos to you for day 1 and reaching out to find this place - it's a great resource.

Lots' going on in your quote. Know this - you aren't alone, you aren't a monster and you aren't bound to your past. There are many examples here that have been there done that and left it in the dust.

In my opinion the best thing you can do right now is don't drink. Make that your only real focus and concern as much as possible. Attempting to come to constructive resolution on any of the other stuff while the 500 pound gorilla of alcoholism is in the room is akin to handing a torch to a group of pyromaniacs and then expecting them to use it to put out a fire.

Much of the early process is addition by subtraction - the longer you go sober the more things tend to start coming together on their own. But you'll want to draw some boundaries and circle the wagons around one thing - don't drink.

Best

-B

RecklessDrunk

We are in it with you. Its great to have family but I think the most important support off the bat is that of other alcoholics. I think we have to completely get right with ourselves first to be of the best service to a our families. Build up the early sobriety and family will work its way back in at their own pace. We can't control other people but I think the best way to earn back their trust is patiently one day at a time.

Dee74

Hi and welcome

Like others have said fences can be mended - actions speak louder than words tho - I had to show my loved ones I'd changed and I was securely sober before they started to trust me again.

D