Free2beme888 Daily one year log 9/1/21
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Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,335
Tough day emotionally here, MIL has mental health issues, is VERY scary as far as trying to do more than she should = a fall= a fracture = early death.
i was SCREAMED at earlier by her, so messed up. I realize it’s her, but I feel like leaving. She clearly doesn’t want or think she needs help.
My flight or fight that has served me well in my younger life comes to my forebrain and I want a flight out tomorrow.
Supposed to stay until 12/19/21. That’s wayyyy toooo long.
Got it from a five mile walk, Dr Free and FIL have no greeting for me. Silence. WTF.
The walk was great, early sunset at 4:30 pm. Wonderful temps in low 50s F for December 1.
Came on here to post, that feels great. When I’m upset anymore, instead of wanting a drink, I have even MORE resolve than ever to gain spiritual awareness and rise above the blithering masses of idiots around me. I will not succumb to the lie of the BEAST that consumes so many.
I will succeed.
i was SCREAMED at earlier by her, so messed up. I realize it’s her, but I feel like leaving. She clearly doesn’t want or think she needs help.
My flight or fight that has served me well in my younger life comes to my forebrain and I want a flight out tomorrow.
Supposed to stay until 12/19/21. That’s wayyyy toooo long.
Got it from a five mile walk, Dr Free and FIL have no greeting for me. Silence. WTF.
The walk was great, early sunset at 4:30 pm. Wonderful temps in low 50s F for December 1.
Came on here to post, that feels great. When I’m upset anymore, instead of wanting a drink, I have even MORE resolve than ever to gain spiritual awareness and rise above the blithering masses of idiots around me. I will not succumb to the lie of the BEAST that consumes so many.
I will succeed.
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Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,335
Thanks Dee and SL.
Tough morning again, took a walk, it’s unseasonably warm here, so nice and sunny, about 45 F , about 7.2 C for m’y friends across the pond 😍
Tough morning again, took a walk, it’s unseasonably warm here, so nice and sunny, about 45 F , about 7.2 C for m’y friends across the pond 😍
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
Oyyy.. hang in there Free. Why do you have to stay until the 19th? That seems ridiculous to me. Your hubby can stay, or they can hire temporary help.
Great job on not giving in to the AV under pressure. Coming here always works for me too.
Big hug for you, keep going my friend.
Great job on not giving in to the AV under pressure. Coming here always works for me too.
Big hug for you, keep going my friend.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
I hope things are going better, Free. I apologize for expressing a personal opinion that might not have been helpful to your situation. It just seems like you've had a lot of challenges thrown in front of you, but you have been amazingly strong and focused so I know you can stay on track. You are amazing!
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OMG. adv, please no apologies 🤓😘
My SR family is loving and kind, ‘and I have a leather butt’ as they say in nursing. If I was bothered too much by things that happen in life, I might have become an alcoholic 😂😂🤣😂😅
Ok ok
Yes, very awkward here. Maybe more on that later.
I am amazingly aware how much my active, ACTIVE emotional and spiritual growth has allowed me to keep,functioning, and to keep calm. Truly amazing transformation. The difference between last time and this time,is I’m reading so much more, and listening to podcasts, reading a LOT on SR.
Last night was late, emotionally and physically exhausted, so didn’t have the energy to post a response. Please, no apologies needed at all. 🤓
My SR family is loving and kind, ‘and I have a leather butt’ as they say in nursing. If I was bothered too much by things that happen in life, I might have become an alcoholic 😂😂🤣😂😅
Ok ok
Yes, very awkward here. Maybe more on that later.
I am amazingly aware how much my active, ACTIVE emotional and spiritual growth has allowed me to keep,functioning, and to keep calm. Truly amazing transformation. The difference between last time and this time,is I’m reading so much more, and listening to podcasts, reading a LOT on SR.
Last night was late, emotionally and physically exhausted, so didn’t have the energy to post a response. Please, no apologies needed at all. 🤓
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(***continuing, with things I’m doing. DOING***)
*…..observing others drinking…..It’s a turn off, because that’s the lens I choose to see that behavior through. I choose that lens. Not jealousy, not FOMO. Like, ‘OMG, that was me, THAT WAS ME!!’. Slurring words, listing swagger, mindlessly pouring another, and another. Talking and blathering on forever in a word salad not cohesive way. Eating garbage to keep the dopamine flowing longer. Yep, it’s like being able to be reminded in a video what the reality of it is, but I’m not harmed by it. I’m helped through observation because I choose to see it that way.
*Reading self compassion books. “12 Rules of Life”. Reading “Atomic Habits”. Reading and studying.
*Reading the SMART website (difficult for this tech impaired lady).
*Rereading AVRT quick lesson. AWESOME 🙂
*Balancing the station WIFM (what’s in it for me) and taking care of what I need for me.
*Working on forgiving myself.
*Working on letting go of relationships that are harmful to my peace and self love, even if they are family. Baby steps. Tough one, but I’m working on it, which is a step in the right direction.
*Looking at activities, thoughts, and words with this question in mind, “Does this propel me in the direction of recovery (I.e., peaceful harmony with actions, integrity, thoughts and self care?) or does that cause me discord, physical, spiritual, or thought harm?). This is a BIG one too. Real BIG.
*Activity. I’m 59 with an aching arm right now, but managing to really get out and walk, and or ski, or golf. Living in a winter environment most of the year, so need to accommodate that and physical limitations. Nature really heals me.
* Learn new things to pass the time, and be productive. I learned crocheting. Turning that into gifts for MIL, and all three daughters.
(***to be continued***)
*…..observing others drinking…..It’s a turn off, because that’s the lens I choose to see that behavior through. I choose that lens. Not jealousy, not FOMO. Like, ‘OMG, that was me, THAT WAS ME!!’. Slurring words, listing swagger, mindlessly pouring another, and another. Talking and blathering on forever in a word salad not cohesive way. Eating garbage to keep the dopamine flowing longer. Yep, it’s like being able to be reminded in a video what the reality of it is, but I’m not harmed by it. I’m helped through observation because I choose to see it that way.
*Reading self compassion books. “12 Rules of Life”. Reading “Atomic Habits”. Reading and studying.
*Reading the SMART website (difficult for this tech impaired lady).
*Rereading AVRT quick lesson. AWESOME 🙂
*Balancing the station WIFM (what’s in it for me) and taking care of what I need for me.
*Working on forgiving myself.
*Working on letting go of relationships that are harmful to my peace and self love, even if they are family. Baby steps. Tough one, but I’m working on it, which is a step in the right direction.
*Looking at activities, thoughts, and words with this question in mind, “Does this propel me in the direction of recovery (I.e., peaceful harmony with actions, integrity, thoughts and self care?) or does that cause me discord, physical, spiritual, or thought harm?). This is a BIG one too. Real BIG.
*Activity. I’m 59 with an aching arm right now, but managing to really get out and walk, and or ski, or golf. Living in a winter environment most of the year, so need to accommodate that and physical limitations. Nature really heals me.
* Learn new things to pass the time, and be productive. I learned crocheting. Turning that into gifts for MIL, and all three daughters.
(***to be continued***)
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Join Date: May 2018
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Good day today, mostly. Dr Free not himself 🧐
Great visit with daughter #1, helped her do things, took a three mile walk amongst gorgeous mansion in MINNEAPOLIS.
Stress high, Dr Free parents arguing, and it’s yucky. Came home from visiting daughter to having to watch David’s sisters dog. Not too terribly fond of others’ dogs. 😕
Still sober, yay for that!
Great visit with daughter #1, helped her do things, took a three mile walk amongst gorgeous mansion in MINNEAPOLIS.
Stress high, Dr Free parents arguing, and it’s yucky. Came home from visiting daughter to having to watch David’s sisters dog. Not too terribly fond of others’ dogs. 😕
Still sober, yay for that!
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,908
Free, love hearing about all this growth you are actively working on. You are to be commended for being so focused on moving in the right direction. I’m proud of you. And also sorry it is such a drag there. Glad you are coming here!
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Woke up to FIL saying MIL thinks Dr Free and I are ganging up in her.🤔🧐🤨
Well, i had a good talk with FIL, he didn’t realize we are leaving Tuesday. Personally, I can’t WAIT to get out of here. Just teaching them to care for themselves, be as safe and comfortable as possible. We all have the right to choose how our healthcare goes….., even if that means falling down.
Its blustery and cold, -4C, about 26F with gray skies and 30-40mph wind gusts (64km) , but tomorrow high of 13 F (-10C).🥶🥶🥶.
Ahhh, so how does one addicted person stay on the healthy path with this emotional and environmental barrage?
Well, i had a good talk with FIL, he didn’t realize we are leaving Tuesday. Personally, I can’t WAIT to get out of here. Just teaching them to care for themselves, be as safe and comfortable as possible. We all have the right to choose how our healthcare goes….., even if that means falling down.
Its blustery and cold, -4C, about 26F with gray skies and 30-40mph wind gusts (64km) , but tomorrow high of 13 F (-10C).🥶🥶🥶.
Ahhh, so how does one addicted person stay on the healthy path with this emotional and environmental barrage?
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Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
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(*****continuing*****)
*Water. 🚰🧊🥤🧼🛀🏼 Water on the inside like drinking it, and water on the outside, like baths, showers, etc. Difficult to drink alcohol when including water in our lives. THAT is our elixir.
*Nature. For me, seeking beauty in the great outdoors is essential. I’m very aware I share the same components as rocks, trees, water, mammals, reptiles, etc., and also I am from the same universe, and am integral with the universe. I try to get outside for at least an hour daily, if not, I need to see it from a window.
View from our property last month in evening glow.
Beauty on the damp walk in the woods, a rock with colored leaves this fall season.
Stalactites at Mammoth cave in Kentucky
View this morning in MN with a red cardinal visiting the feeder.
*Water. 🚰🧊🥤🧼🛀🏼 Water on the inside like drinking it, and water on the outside, like baths, showers, etc. Difficult to drink alcohol when including water in our lives. THAT is our elixir.
*Nature. For me, seeking beauty in the great outdoors is essential. I’m very aware I share the same components as rocks, trees, water, mammals, reptiles, etc., and also I am from the same universe, and am integral with the universe. I try to get outside for at least an hour daily, if not, I need to see it from a window.
View from our property last month in evening glow.
Beauty on the damp walk in the woods, a rock with colored leaves this fall season.
Stalactites at Mammoth cave in Kentucky
View this morning in MN with a red cardinal visiting the feeder.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,335
View from snack spot on Uneva peak this summer
View from wedding spot this summer
From hike in March 2020
View from Missouri Pass this summer
Evening light at Lake Tahoe, on the lawn of Edgewood resort this spring
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