I’m so disappointed and angry with myself. I recently hit 6 months sober but... It just sort of snuck up and I caved.
It was somewhere around my 6th month, after not being tempted, but always frightened that something could cause me to drink that a friend asked me if I would like a class of wine with dinner. She knew I had quit and quickly added, "Or are you still not drinking?" It was a rather thoughtless question, although quite typical for a normie. It almost sounded like she expected I would eventually drink again, but wouldn't push it if I weren't ready. For just a second or two, after months of doing so well and feeling so good and especially no longer feeling like a drunk, it occurred to me that I was good enough to have a glass of wine, but a second later, a bolt of fear shot through me, when I realized how easy it was to have such an innocent but wrong headed thought. I thought to myself, "I've still got a long ways to go in recovery, if I can have such a stupid thought that easily. I still have those thoughts although rarely, and they are not at all convincing like that first one was. But the point is, that early on, you must always be on your toes, because your AV is going to show up in the friendliest convincing way to get you back in the nightmare.
