stick2it

I'm curious to know about people's experiences with failed attempts at quitting. I have only gone about 5 months without drinking in the past, then drank again for several more years with a couple of one- or two-week long attempts. I know there are a lot of you who have been sober for years, and I wonder if you had false starts? and if you still worry or think you may drink again? What is the longest people have stayed quit only to start back again? I guess I just want to know if there is a magic number to get past to be home free (instinctively I know there isn't but it helps to hear other's experiences).

Mummyto2

There's no magic number, it's a lifelong commitment not to drink, I attended face to face meetings for 6 months, got lazy and my AV said it's ok now to drink, within a week I was back where I started, a friend of mine was 15 years sober and started again, you just have to be vigilant every day/hour/minute.

Mummyto2

There's no magic number, it's a lifelong commitment not to drink, I attended face to face meetings for 6 months, got lazy and my AV said it's ok now to drink, within a week I was back where I started, a friend of mine was 15 years sober and started again, you just have to be vigilant every day/hour/minute.

Mummyto2

Sorry my reply went on twice

doggonecarl

Here's my experience with failing. I wanted quitting to be easy. I wanted to decide to get sober and that be it. No work, no worry, no changing my life or learning how to cope without alcohol. But that wasn't the case. Quitting was hard. It took more than saying "I don't want to drink anymore." It took commitment. It took making the changes in my life to support my decision. It took changing my thinking about alcohol and its role in society, in my life. It took learning to deal with life sober.

It took recovery.

Then I had success in quitting. Almost 12 years.

DriGuy

3 days were the longest I could go without drinking, I did a number of those during the last year of my drinking, but during those attempts, I had no plan, and my goal was only to last as long as I could without alcohol. Then I went 5 days, the last day being the most Hellish of my cravings, and decided the only thing that could bring relief would have to be sobriety for life. I realized that required the making of a plan for avoiding fail points, and I adopted a strict no tolerance policy for games and experiments. I knew that most people failed in the first few months, after having reached the "all clear of major cravings" point and thought they were safe to drink again. I resolved never to buy into that self deception.

DriGuy

We always look for "easy." I wanted drinking for enjoyment to be easy. That way I wouldn't have to quit, and everything could be happy and carefree. I wanted to be happy without having to paying the bill.

m00t

I love this. Once in this mindset, it sets you free.

Drinking has a strict no tolerance policy for damaging your body, damaging your mind, and damaging your life in many of us.
Thanks DriGuy!

Hodd

I don’t think there ever comes a point where we stop worrying if we’ll drink again. After years, something may happen, our mental health might be fragile, and we have that drink and are back to heavy drinking again. It’s scary and something we need to guard against.

For me, stopping forever (touch wood) is more of a mindset thing. I don’t mind if others drink in moderation, but I know I can’t. I’ve long (well 2 1/2 years) since accepted if I drink again, I’ll be screwed.

I’m not being nasty, and I’m asking this in a positive way, when you were 5 months into quitting, did you not think it would end badly if you drank again?

Also, I’m not AA nor religious, but did you do anything else to replace the drinking?

Scd619x

I quit 100s of times, both drinking and smoking before finally quitting.

I know people who have drunk again after 20 years so there is no guarantees in life. There is no way i can say in 20 years time i won't drink, who knows what will happen in 20 years. I guess i could say if i was the same person with the same mindset as today i won't drink in 20 years but even that is BS as i am sitting here today not with the same mindset that i had 20 years ago.

DriGuy

It might be that not drinking again is like an alcoholic actuarial table similar to that used by life insurance companies. Expected longevity increases with actual longevity, but it ends when you kick the bucket and all that's left of you is a statistic on which someone else can compile future actuarial tables.

Early on after years of failing, I made a commitment to never drink again, and I knew I wouldn't. But could I prove it? No of course not, because "There are no guarantees in life." But we do have the power to heavily influence our own future. So it is possible to increase your odds of a correct prediction by staying vigilant, or upholding your promise, or whatever your strategy might be. And you can increase your odds a Hell of a lot.

However, that initial shadow of a doubt decreases with the passage of years. I'm more sure about my forever sober prediction now than I was when I first made it. But not being perfect, something beyond my comprehension could happen. However, I also have the power to choose not to take that drink, and that is one awesome power. That power will ALWAYS be there, and I have no intention of abusing it.

Jim1958

Well, I realized I had a problem for years. It was the way I coped with some life issues. Finally I decided I would try to quit. This usually was after having a bad hangover. I would quit for a bit, feel better, and go back to drinking. So I started to keep track on a calendar. I would go 3-6 days sober and relapse. Finally I made it 30 days. I relapsed. At the end of the year I totaled up the sober days vs. drinking days. If I was sober half the days of the year (183 days) it was a victory. And I had long stretches too. I once went a year. 365 days. On day 366 I drank. Another time I went 11 months. So it was a up and down path. It was certainly not anything like "I quit" and it worked. I am over 3 years without drinking now. But like everyone, I can't take the first drink or I will be right back where I was. Hope this helps. Best wishes on your recovery.

least

I'll have 12 yrs sober in December. I had lots of false starts. But on my last relapse, after waking up feeling horrible and wishing I were dead, I made up my mind to make it right this time. And I have. I finally wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink. Now I don't want to drink at all.

stick2it

I KNEW it would end badly and decided to drink anyway! But that was a long time ago (I think 8 years ago). Right this minute, I am certain I will never drink again. But I told myself that before.

Hodd

I don’t like the last sentence 🙂

I know none of us can say “never again” drinking, but we should be pretty confident of not doing so. I see sobriety as like a priceless Ming vase (not that I would recognise one!) sat in a cabinet. It’s too valuable to be messed with, and if anyone else messes with it, they’ll regret it 🙂

Dee74

I used to think I had a lot of false starts.
I'd quit almost every week.

Looking back now, what I really had was a lot of drinking punctuated with periods of abstinence.

Since joining SR I've not relapsed, but thats taken some damned hard work, especially in the early days.
I made a vow much like DriGuys - a strict no tolerance policy for games and experiments

I used to be one of those I can never say never guys but I'm not now.

Not drinking is an intrinsic fundamental part of who I am now.
I'd no sooner drink than I would kill someone, rob a bank, or stop playing music.

D

ZIP

It took me a long time to admit to myself--and fully accept-- that I was an alcoholic. The years of start-stops were simply my feeble efforts, full of BS: "Well, I quit for the workweek, so I can drink on the weekends. I haven't had a drink for three days, so I can quit anytime down the road." Half-assed moderation, I suppose. Each and every time I went back to daily drinking.
I finally accepted the disease, accepted help, and accepted abstinence. I committed to change my alcoholic habits, and applied a lot of effort to avoid situations that had led me to drink. And, as the sober days clicked by life got a little easier and more enjoyable.
I promised myself that I will never drink again and intend to keep it that way.
I won't drink, because I can't drink, so I don't drink, because I'm an alcoholic...
​​​​​

Scd619x

I got to AA which has been great for me, our founder asked for a drink of whiskey on hos death bed. He didn't get it lol but he asked for it. So i like to stay humble in the face of this addiction stuff. Today i'm not going to drink, 20 years time no-one knows what will happen, least of all me.

Scd619x

I go to AA which has been great for me, our founder asked for a drink of whiskey on hos death bed. He didn't get it lol but he asked for it. So i like to stay humble in the face of this addiction stuff. Today I'm not going to drink, 20 years time no-one knows what will happen, least of all me. I also don't know, for sure, if i will be alive in 20 years, walking, speaking, seeing, hearing, etc.

DriGuy

That's the way we do it. Alcoholism is an unusual situation where compromise always leads to failure.