Odin1992

Hello everyone I hope you’re doing well. My name is Connor

I have joined this site today to discuss and ask for advice and help from people going through what I’m going through and people are currently dealing with addiction.

my mother is an alcoholic she’s gone through periods of sobriety and she is slowly loosing her battle with this. I apologise for my words below.

I am battling with feelings of intense hatred and fury and self loathing and shame. I hate alcohol and alcoholics but I love my mum too! My life has revolved around this since I was a kid. My parents began to neglect us and we went through periods of hunger where my mum didn’t even feed us! I was forced to grow up too quickly and got no support from anyone and it’s made me bitter. She drinks heavily all day and send us horrible texts that make me feel like a failure! I am a good person! At least I’m trying to be! But I’m plagued with kindness infused with anger…

I want to help her before I give up on her which I’m dangerously close to.

Scd619x

A really good friend of mine that lives in the states went to these meetings and it turned his life around, you are telling me a brief summary of all the long chats i used to have with him.

https://adultchildren.org/

UK one is

https://www.adultchildrenofalcoholics.co.uk/

You need to address you and you will need help to do that because you are supposed to love your Mum, right? I hope you do something about it for you.

Hevyn

Welcome, Odin. I'm so sorry for the painful time you're going through.
It's possible to love your mom but hate & resent her actions. I hope it helps to be here - it's a great place for understanding & compassion.

We also have a Friends & Family Forum that might be good to check out:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/

dustyfox

I don't know how old you are Connor - but what you describe seems an awful lot for you to have to take responsibility for - most alcoholics do not stop being alcoholics until they decide to stop for themselves. You can not 'save' your mum , she needs to want to save herself.
It sounds like you need some support - the absolute best thing you can do is look after yourself. Well done for posting here, hopefully it will be the start of some help for you.

least

Welcome to the family. Yes, as Hev said, it's possible to love your mom and hate her actions. Active alcoholics are not the most diplomatic or kind people and their actions often cause pain to others. I hope you can detach with love and not let her bother you. If she sends you hateful texts, you can block them. If she calls drunk, you can firmly say you won't talk with her when she's drinking, then hang up. If necessary, block her calls.

I know you feel pulled in two directions, but do what you need to do to keep yourself safe and sane.

Anna

Connor, I'm so sorry for your situation. Your Mom will have to make a decision for herself to stop drinking. There is really very little you can do. You sound like a kind and loving person, in spite of being raised in very difficult condition. Be proud of yourself and who you are. Take care of yourself. I hope that your mother makes the decision to stop drinking, but the important thing now is for you to focus on yourself and your life.

BeABetterMan

Same here my man. My mom is dying of the disease. She is the most spiteful, cruel and evil person because of her drinking. I have had to stop communicating with her. Maybe forever. It is sad, but as each day passes I have less and less feelings for her. If she passed today I'm not sure I would cry. I can't save her. She will save herself or die drunk.

Dee74

I'm sorry for what brings you here Connor - it must be so hard to watch - but I know you'll find support here - you're not alone

D

Khorhey

My mother was just a mean nasty person. Not an alcoholic but horrible to deal with.

The only thing you can do is stop talking to her. Tell her when she gets sober for 30 days let you know.

Odin1992

Thank you everyone for being great, it’s given me a lot to think about and I appreciate all replies.

I will currently ignore her texts and give her an ultimatum, which will be hard but I feel a little calmer today because of this site now.

PeacefulWater12

Your post touched me, Odin. My mum said and did the most awful of things at times. Please know it is not that there is anything wrong with you regardless of what she might say.

I had to go No Contact with my mum when I was older and no longer living at home. We are allowed to protect ourselves from this.

Take care.

Mizz

Protect yourself. You are not responsible for your mother.
It is okay to have boundaries and to put those boundaries in place. You may start to feel better after not having contact with her.
It is hard to close the door on people we love but that door does not always have to stay closed. You get to choose when to open it and to close it. We are here for you!

Ladysadie

Some good advice here for you Conner. Please take it to heart. You can still love your mother but building healthy boundaries should have been a primer for all children, only we don't get to pick our parents. That you survived your upbringing says a lot about your inner strength. There is a lot to be said about "healing" the inner child. I hope you look into the various groups (Adult Children of Alcoholics). It has helped me. I still struggle with boundary issues. We're a work in progress to say the least. You're on the right track and your thinking is healthy. Cut your mother off if need be. Let that door reopen when you feel strong enough to deal with her.

Odin1992

Thank you for your kind words, I will look into that. I just feel guilty for not talking to her atm, if she died I’d never forgive myself.