Victim mentality
 

"Stop validating your victim mentality. Shake off your self defeating drama and embrace your innate ability to recover and achieve" - Dr. Steve Maraboli

Coming to terms and changing my self defeating thoughts has been one of the hardest things I have set about to accomplish this year. I still struggle with 7:45 am to 9am with a negative self dialogue that runs entire marathons before I even get my work shift started. It is my witching hour. Truly. I am making progress. Rome was not built in a day kinda thing.
I think I am good for today with the witching hour but......I'll report back. I have 15 minutes.

I was able to see my former actions, and reactions in another person yesterday. I held the proper space without being swayed emotionally.

The challenge now will be to not let another's actions and thoughts give room to my inner stability. I can accomplish this goal. I will not dive into the rabbit hole. Level ground.

I mean.....Once i removed the alcohol the Universe said "Mizz, you are in for a whole entire life altering change. Buckle up. There will be internal turbulence"

Mizz said: "Cool! Can we get coffee first?" ;)

LOL, you sound like you're doing great, Mizz. Being aware of the self-defeating behaviour and working on changing it is great for your inner peace and happiness. I think it's so important to know that there is much more to recovery than stopping drinking and that's what you're doing.

I hear you on the early morning witching hour. It's always hardest for me in the mornings. Sometimes I can do a bunch of body movements and it helps. Sometimes it's, "Food. I need food (or even water..)" Sometimes it's maybe better (for me) to not open emails or texts during my witching hour. :lol: I did that this morning and I'm still trying to recover.

One day, one hour, sometimes it's one minute at a time.

You do sound good. I'm often reminded of my own bad behavior when I see other people doing dramatic things. Um. Oops.

Ah Mizz I know very much that of which you speak. As I work through my fourth year of sobriety it is the lifelong obstacles and old habits that I have become most aware of. Avoidance and negative self-talk are my two beasts of burden. I feel in a way that sobriety is like emerging from a rough ocean, where I had struggled with these issues, to dry land, to still be fighting, giving in and pushing back against the same states of mind and ways of being.

I started reading Renee Brown's Gifts of Imperfection this week and it seems like the book speaks directly to these issues.

Thank you for posting and sharing here, as always, proud to be on the sober path with you.

Sometimes the hardest thing is figuring out your own needs.

Well done on good progress so far!

Hi Mizz, us quitters (I wish there was a nicer word 😂 ) are a lot stronger than most people out there. Not very polite, but **** everyone else. The real victims are those who want to quit but lack the courage (so far) to do so.

So you’re not a morning person 🙂 Does that matter?

You are doing the heavy lifting. You are doing the hard work. You are remarkable my friend.

Sounds you are doing great!!!! And it sounds like you have come a long way. I used to play the victim. I used to blame other people, situations and even genetics for my problems. The thing is, many people around me agreed. People felt sorry for me cause of the cards I was dealt. Abused when I was a kid, etc. Eventually I realized that these were all excuses. We all have scars, but I have to power to move on. Today, my choices are my choices and I take full responsibility for my actions. I have the power to control my life and destiny. As you probably know, it takes a long time to get to this point. If I decide to drink today, it's because I chose to drink. My choice, my problem. John

I try and get at least half an hour of meditation first thing AM.

I can get so full of fear and insecurity and I think of meditation as kind of draining it out. Sort of an oil change of thoughts and energy.

Step 4 may help with the victim mentality as well.

Thanks for all of the responses all.

I did not go into the rabbit hole that I usually go into. I stayed afloat. Rabbit hole of cycling and cycling through thoughts and actions and different scenarios. Today was progress.

Today did have challenges that required brain storming and finding solutions. The solutions were found and I moved on to the next challenge. Still not swayed emotionally. There is some growth. I think I've had a very full 24 hrs. Luckily its my Friday tomorrow :) I need a breather.

THANK YOU ALL FOR BEING HERE! I appreciate everyone so much. Keep on keeping on.

I don't post very often anymore but it's nice to hear your brutal honesty on your struggles. Makes me feel less alone. Your posts are inspirational for me. I struggle just like many of us do. Covid has made it hard to get and maintain support (at least where I live in the PNW). I long for the meetings where you are a body-present. Internet for counseling and doctors visits does not work as well for me.

Thanks for your posts. I can relate, totally, in what you are saying.

What's that they say in AA? Poor me, poor me, pour me a drink.

I've been guilty of that.

That victim mentality is a tough one to change, as most of us were given that gift in our early formative years. Good to hear you are working on it, i am as well and it's a stubborn one isn't it!

For me the victim mentality has little to do with drinking and i like to keep the two separate as not everything in my world can be blamed on drinking. I had a victim mentality before i started drinking. However i know if i keep working on it the it will prevent me from having to drink because the mental load gets too much.