Two months and I'm a mess.
Member
Join Date: May 2021
Location: England
Posts: 1,849
Thinking of you AO you are an amazing person and I know you can do it. It does feels so odd that from day to day we can feel so different in early recovery - that emotions like panic -just appear from nowhere and then vanish - but I believe that we can learn and change and conquer our difficulties and challenges.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Well done, AO. The path is indeed very rocky in early days. When I was still drinking (or not committed to Not Drinking), I heard and agreed with people who said that getting sober was the hardest thing they'd ever done. But wow, right? It is so hard. It's sort of like knowing in advance that childbirth is difficult. Or a kidney stone can be the worst pain ever. We think we're prepared, but then when reality hits - ouch! Why didn't you tell me it was going to be so hard? 
Two things people told me that were really really helpful somewhere within the first 6-9 months:
- You are in recovery. Be kind to yourself. -a sponsor
- After your body goes through chemical detox, you then need to go through emotional detox. - Grymt
Patience
Perseverance
Faith
Don't ever forget that it gets better.
I promise you that it does. But I also promise you the road isn't likely to completely level out. That's life for ya.
O
Two things people told me that were really really helpful somewhere within the first 6-9 months:
- You are in recovery. Be kind to yourself. -a sponsor
- After your body goes through chemical detox, you then need to go through emotional detox. - Grymt
Patience
Perseverance
Faith
Don't ever forget that it gets better.
I promise you that it does. But I also promise you the road isn't likely to completely level out. That's life for ya.
O
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
Originally Posted by Obladi 
Well done, AO. The path is indeed very rocky in early days. When I was still drinking (or not committed to Not Drinking), I heard and agreed with people who said that getting sober was the hardest thing they'd ever done. But wow, right? It is so hard. It's sort of like knowing in advance that childbirth is difficult. Or a kidney stone can be the worst pain ever. We think we're prepared, but then when reality hits - ouch! Why didn't you tell me it was going to be so hard?
Two things people told me that were really really helpful somewhere within the first 6-9 months:
- You are in recovery. Be kind to yourself. -a sponsor
- After your body goes through chemical detox, you then need to go through emotional detox. - Grymt
Patience
Perseverance
Faith
Don't ever forget that it gets better.
I promise you that it does. But I also promise you the road isn't likely to completely level out. That's life for ya.
O
Two things people told me that were really really helpful somewhere within the first 6-9 months:
- You are in recovery. Be kind to yourself. -a sponsor
- After your body goes through chemical detox, you then need to go through emotional detox. - Grymt
Patience
Perseverance
Faith
Don't ever forget that it gets better.
I promise you that it does. But I also promise you the road isn't likely to completely level out. That's life for ya.
O
OOOOOOOOOOOO The darn pink cloud has faded to black.
Some moments when it gets realllllly bad, I’m scared I won’t make it out of this.
But then I try to remember the words of those here that remind me, THIS is not as good as it will get.
I really want this , but man, is it tough. I don’t even want to drink, I just want the extreme uncomfortableness to lift for a bit.
It’s getting harder not easier.
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,645
alphaomega. It does get better. Putting it down on paper or here helps I think. I know it helped me with anxieties. They were through the roof.
Be good to yourself. Treat yourself kindly and gently. Sending lots of love and hugs over the pond love xx xxxx
Be good to yourself. Treat yourself kindly and gently. Sending lots of love and hugs over the pond love xx
xxxx
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,928
Sounds rough, AO. Are you doing anything new to occupy your mind? Withdrawal is awful, no two ways about it, but if you can do something else, it distracts from the withdrawals.
I’ve said this before but never seen it written elsewhere - I don’t think it’s possible to quit alcohol in isolation. Other things have to change. I’m not saying you sit in front of a TV for hours, but I’ll use that as an example. If someone stares at a TV every night with 10 beers, it’s unlikely they’ll quit drinking if the TV stays on. The body will be screaming out for 10 beers. If they do something else, they’ll be distracted from needing 10 beers. A few weeks or months will pass, and that urge will start to fade.
I’ve said this before but never seen it written elsewhere - I don’t think it’s possible to quit alcohol in isolation. Other things have to change. I’m not saying you sit in front of a TV for hours, but I’ll use that as an example. If someone stares at a TV every night with 10 beers, it’s unlikely they’ll quit drinking if the TV stays on. The body will be screaming out for 10 beers. If they do something else, they’ll be distracted from needing 10 beers. A few weeks or months will pass, and that urge will start to fade.
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
Originally Posted by Hodd
Sounds rough, AO. Are you doing anything new to occupy your mind? Withdrawal is awful, no two ways about it, but if you can do something else, it distracts from the withdrawals.
I’ve said this before but never seen it written elsewhere - I don’t think it’s possible to quit alcohol in isolation. Other things have to change. I’m not saying you sit in front of a TV for hours, but I’ll use that as an example. If someone stares at a TV every night with 10 beers, it’s unlikely they’ll quit drinking if the TV stays on. The body will be screaming out for 10 beers. If they do something else, they’ll be distracted from needing 10 beers. A few weeks or months will pass, and that urge will start to fade.
I’ve said this before but never seen it written elsewhere - I don’t think it’s possible to quit alcohol in isolation. Other things have to change. I’m not saying you sit in front of a TV for hours, but I’ll use that as an example. If someone stares at a TV every night with 10 beers, it’s unlikely they’ll quit drinking if the TV stays on. The body will be screaming out for 10 beers. If they do something else, they’ll be distracted from needing 10 beers. A few weeks or months will pass, and that urge will start to fade.
I have all I can do right now to get to tend to the animals, go to the office and come home and collapse.
I have no desire to drink at all, I just wanna few days where I wake up bright eyed and full of vim and vigor just so I know I can continue to claw my way out of this.
Things were wonderful, until they werent. My brain and body are revolting from a literal lifetime (FAS spectrum, coupled with early childhood binge drinking).
Chop, carry, chop, carry,
Member
Join Date: May 2021
Location: England
Posts: 1,849
AO I have yet to wake up feeling full of vim and vigour - I have yet to wake up feeling refreshed and I am on day 70 something - it does suck - but I believe people here when they say it gets better -chopping wood and carrying it right along side you. It can be done, it will be done -
Are you eating well and taking any vitamin supplements?
Are you eating well and taking any vitamin supplements?
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,359
Originally Posted by alphaomega
OOOOOOOOOOOO The darn pink cloud has faded to black.
Some moments when it gets realllllly bad, I’m scared I won’t make it out of this.
But then I try to remember the words of those here that remind me, THIS is not as good as it will get.
I really want this , but man, is it tough. I don’t even want to drink, I just want the extreme uncomfortableness to lift for a bit.
It’s getting harder not easier.
I feel as if I am in some horror movie and suddenly the movie is paused at the point that the killer has the axe in the air over my head. One drink and the movie resumes and it will be too late. I am over 5 weeks in and experiencing changes. I am terrified to fail. I don't know if I am being granted a second chance or just a chance to get my affairs in order before this things takes me down for good.
You are going to be just fine. You are going to do what you have to do and you are going to escape.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 467
Hi alpaomega
I'm only on day 9 so I don't have a lot of advice to give.
But I wanted to congratulate you on 2 months sobriety- it's fab.
I'm not sure how long you drank for or how much you drank - but as other wiser folk have said it will only get better the longer you don't drink.
You mentioned not waking up full of life yet but not craving alcohol.
I can relate to this with my few attempts over the years to abstain.
The danger zone for me was when I did start to feel better mentally and physically was when I started craving alcohol again.
Fast forward a few years and here I am again.
I'm not in a hurry this time, every day we don't drink is an achievement- and hopefully all the other stuff will fall into place when we feel that we can make a plan.
I'm only on day 9 so I don't have a lot of advice to give.
But I wanted to congratulate you on 2 months sobriety- it's fab.
I'm not sure how long you drank for or how much you drank - but as other wiser folk have said it will only get better the longer you don't drink.
You mentioned not waking up full of life yet but not craving alcohol.
I can relate to this with my few attempts over the years to abstain.
The danger zone for me was when I did start to feel better mentally and physically was when I started craving alcohol again.
Fast forward a few years and here I am again.
I'm not in a hurry this time, every day we don't drink is an achievement- and hopefully all the other stuff will fall into place when we feel that we can make a plan.
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,359
Originally Posted by overforty
Hi alpaomega
I'm only on day 9 so I don't have a lot of advice to give.
But I wanted to congratulate you on 2 months sobriety- it's fab.
I'm not sure how long you drank for or how much you drank - but as other wiser folk have said it will only get better the longer you don't drink.
You mentioned not waking up full of life yet but not craving alcohol.
I can relate to this with my few attempts over the years to abstain.
The danger zone for me was when I did start to feel better mentally and physically was when I started craving alcohol again.
Fast forward a few years and here I am again.
I'm not in a hurry this time, every day we don't drink is an achievement- and hopefully all the other stuff will fall into place when we feel that we can make a plan.
I'm only on day 9 so I don't have a lot of advice to give.
But I wanted to congratulate you on 2 months sobriety- it's fab.
I'm not sure how long you drank for or how much you drank - but as other wiser folk have said it will only get better the longer you don't drink.
You mentioned not waking up full of life yet but not craving alcohol.
I can relate to this with my few attempts over the years to abstain.
The danger zone for me was when I did start to feel better mentally and physically was when I started craving alcohol again.
Fast forward a few years and here I am again.
I'm not in a hurry this time, every day we don't drink is an achievement- and hopefully all the other stuff will fall into place when we feel that we can make a plan.
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
Originally Posted by dustyfox
AO I have yet to wake up feeling full of vim and vigour - I have yet to wake up feeling refreshed and I am on day 70 something - it does suck - but I believe people here when they say it gets better -chopping wood and carrying it right along side you. It can be done, it will be done -
Are you eating well and taking any vitamin supplements?
Are you eating well and taking any vitamin supplements?
I am about 80/20 on the eating thing - I eat pretty healthy for the most part - lots of fruits and veg - cant handle meat at all right now - and ice cream is a non-negotiable every night - its just perks me up and gives me joy. I love the dairy farmers right now lololol
Yes to supplements - D B C MAG most often.
I'm thinking about researching some of the GABA and DOPAMINE options.
I was thinking this was going to be a breeze, but no way Jose'. Its way harder than I remember. Not because I'm I'm white knuckling or jonseing with cravings, just wanna feel optimal.
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
Originally Posted by silentrun
From my first post
There is such a thing as second chances but you have to go now. That fear is telling you that you are in deep trouble. It doesn't have to end with you dying from this. No one can make you drink, even you. Honestly, after all this time I don't even identify as an alcoholic. Alcohol just isn't a thing in my world. I can't come up with a reason I ever thought that getting drunk was fun. All of it; the cravings, the shame, the self loathing, the pain falls away given enough time.
You are going to be just fine. You are going to do what you have to do and you are going to escape.
There is such a thing as second chances but you have to go now. That fear is telling you that you are in deep trouble. It doesn't have to end with you dying from this. No one can make you drink, even you. Honestly, after all this time I don't even identify as an alcoholic. Alcohol just isn't a thing in my world. I can't come up with a reason I ever thought that getting drunk was fun. All of it; the cravings, the shame, the self loathing, the pain falls away given enough time.
You are going to be just fine. You are going to do what you have to do and you are going to escape.
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,359
Originally Posted by alphaomega
I have never hoped I am more wrong but i dunno buddy. I just dont know right now. I often question if its just too damn late for me...
If I told you I came from 5 years in the future and said you hadn't drank how would you feel?
Member
Join Date: May 2021
Location: England
Posts: 1,849
It is not too late - as Anna said it is NEVER too late -
AO I am so sorry you feel down. Have you investigated 5HTP - it's a supplement that boots serotonin levels. - I have just started taking it so can't yet vouch for it. Have you been checked over for any other issues, like iron deficiency, thyroid, etc. Keep going you can do it!
AO I am so sorry you feel down. Have you investigated 5HTP - it's a supplement that boots serotonin levels. - I have just started taking it so can't yet vouch for it. Have you been checked over for any other issues, like iron deficiency, thyroid, etc. Keep going you can do it!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,386
Originally Posted by alphaomega
I have never hoped I am more wrong but i dunno buddy. I just dont know right now. I often question if its just too damn late for me...
Don't give any oxygen to defeatism.
Have patience and a little faith in us who've been there - this is not the best you will feel.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
When I quit I thought I would have a few rough weeks and then those rough weeks would fade away into a meadow of Wildflowers. I would be twirling and dancing all around. That one song would be playing from that one movie that I cant remember the name of?
The reality: I did not get the meadow and the hills were not alive with the sound of music! Is the movie called The Sound of Music?
I digress. What I did find was a lot of ups and downs and a lot of really intense feelings and thoughts. Energy was zapped. I was just a walking mess. I put my head down and focused. One task after the other. Some nights I went to bed right after work. Some days felt like I was going to explode. Not in an angry way explode. More like a balloon filled with too much water explode. Some days felt okay-ish...... I had a lot of mediocre days, bad days, confusing days. I was questioning whether or not I could or would recover from the weirdness and up and downs confusion. I was at an all time "WHAT THE ****?" mode.
Month 3 gave me relief. I know Ive said this before and I dont mean to repeat myself. Month 3 was a turning point. A door opened. The lights came on. I was in the beginnings of breaking up with my friend Anxiety. In the beginnings of kicking out my friend defeat. I started to see that I was recovering. Actually recovering. Anxiety comes knocking now and for the most part I can tell it to **** off. Sometimes I cant. Its okay. Its a work in progress. Defeat has not come back to my world. I wont allow it anywhere near me. YOU WILL WIN!
When I pull into the parking lot at my work I sing this song:
This little light of mine
I'm going to let it shine,
This little light of mine,
I'm going to let it shine
Keep on moving forward. Chop wood and carry water. You are amazing, AO. You got this.
The reality: I did not get the meadow and the hills were not alive with the sound of music! Is the movie called The Sound of Music?
I digress. What I did find was a lot of ups and downs and a lot of really intense feelings and thoughts. Energy was zapped. I was just a walking mess. I put my head down and focused. One task after the other. Some nights I went to bed right after work. Some days felt like I was going to explode. Not in an angry way explode. More like a balloon filled with too much water explode. Some days felt okay-ish...... I had a lot of mediocre days, bad days, confusing days. I was questioning whether or not I could or would recover from the weirdness and up and downs confusion. I was at an all time "WHAT THE ****?" mode.
Month 3 gave me relief. I know Ive said this before and I dont mean to repeat myself. Month 3 was a turning point. A door opened. The lights came on. I was in the beginnings of breaking up with my friend Anxiety. In the beginnings of kicking out my friend defeat. I started to see that I was recovering. Actually recovering. Anxiety comes knocking now and for the most part I can tell it to **** off. Sometimes I cant. Its okay. Its a work in progress. Defeat has not come back to my world. I wont allow it anywhere near me. YOU WILL WIN!
When I pull into the parking lot at my work I sing this song:
This little light of mine
I'm going to let it shine,
This little light of mine,
I'm going to let it shine
Keep on moving forward. Chop wood and carry water. You are amazing, AO. You got this.
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